Flathead Mama

franklin graham's mistake: why it matters, but not as much as you think

2012-02-22T09:43:00.000-08:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The Internet and cable news were all abuzz yesterday and today concerning remarks made on Morning Joe (MSNBC) by Rev. Franklin Graham, son of Billy Graham and head of Christian relief organization Samaritan's Purse. Graham, in an interview with co-host Willie Geist and other panel members, seemed to suggest on the one hand that a person's true faith in Christ is known only to them, but then on the other hand expressed far more certainty regarding the Christian faith of Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich than that of President Obama. He said that Mitt Romney is not a Christian, but a Mormon (for more on what Christians mean when they say this, please visit my previous post here), but that he would be a good President and leader. He also criticized what he considered to be the inaction of President Obama in urging certain Muslim nations to cease persecuting Christians, citing in particular the situation of persecution of Christians which currently exists in Egypt.

Graham said faith is something determined in one's heart and one has to ask a person about their faith to know if they are a Christian. The sticking point for many people regarding Graham's responses when asked about the faith of each candidate is that he then sought to judge the hearts of all of the men involved (as he had said he could not do). The second sticking point is that Graham suggested that faith is revealed by actions (a very Biblical statement, by the way), but that he seemed to ignore actions that didn't support his case. President Obama didn't support the social issue stands most important to Graham, ergo, President Obama may or may not be a Christian. Gingrich had engaged in moral failure, but did appear to be a Christian, according to Graham. Why not call into question Gingrich's faith, due to his adultery, if actions are the measure of faith? Why only subject President Obama to hesitancy regarding his faith?

To be fair, Graham was in a no-win situation from the moment he was asked about candidates' faith. The best scenario for him would have been to comment equally on all of the candidates that God alone knows their hearts. He should have stayed out of the politics of it. He should have done this because the dipping of the toe into partisan politics tends to discredit those who seek to serve the Lord in ministry.

Understand, I am not saying that pastors cannot talk about social issues and call people to repentance. It is essential that they do so. But getting into a situation where they are called upon to endorse or repudiate specific candidates is polarizing and gets in the way of their message. This is why as a pastor, I never publicly encouraged people to vote for any particular candidate. However, I was firm in my teaching on social issues such as the need of caring for the poor and needy, the importance of stopping genocide, the sin of abortion, and the wrongness of acting on homosexual impulses. When it came to politics, I would engage in collegial discussions with congregation members, assuming that Christians who believe strongly in God's Word come to different conclusions on how to live it out the teachings of Scripture.

As you can imagine, my views did not place me firmly in either party, and I suppose that helped when it came time to lead a congregation. I could see different points of view in terms of how we accomplish the goals we are called to as Christians. For example, Republicans believe that the poor are better helped by a social policy that limits government intervention; they believe that one gains self-esteem from working hard and rising in success based on their own merits. They do not believe that government money legitimately helps the poor, except in the most dire of cases. Now, it is perfectly possible to be a strong Christian and hold this perspective. Of course selfishness can come into play, but so can selflessness. Many Christians believe that if they are not taxed at a high rate, they will have more money to give to charitable endeavors. This may not always work, but if an individual is seeking to live out these ideals and help in a more personal way than the government can, we should applaud them for living out their faith. Conversely, many Democrats believe that the poor are better helped by limiting the opportunity of our human nature to resist sharing. They believe that a free society has a responsibility from all of its members to care for the poor and needy and so they believe in higher taxation to provide the funds for this care. They believe that the government has a more direct role to play in providing for the poor. Such beliefs easily hearken back to Old Testament Law in which the whole society was responsible to care for the poor and needy amongst the people. I believe either position can be reached through serious interaction with Scripture. Now, is it important for a pastor to stand up and say: "The only viable way for us to see that the poor are served and cared for is _________"? No! Furthermore, no method will be perfect, for we live in a sinful world. But simply because our methods are imperfect, we are not "let off the hook" from trying.

As long as a Christian is in the Word and tries to think about the world from God's perspective, he or she can seek to do good in either (or no) political party. As the old saying goes, "there is more than one way to skin a cat." We need to respect that others may have different methods of achieving Biblically-sound goals of good for society and the world.

The problem is not whether Franklin Graham privately reflects on where he thinks each candidate is at spiritually. As he pointed out in the interview, evaluating faith and calling people to come to Christ are "his business," just as news is the media's business. The problem is that Franklin Graham proclaimed publicly what he thought the status of each man's faith was. Now, how will Franklin Graham be able to preach the Gospel credibly to any of the candidates? How will he be able to encourage them in faith?

I am hesitant to be too hard on Franklin Graham, however. We often forget that even pastors are human and liable to make mistakes just like the rest of us. When they make a mistake, they are reduced to that misstep alone and their finer deeds are ignored. Franklin Graham was all but crucified on the internet and in the press in the past 24 hours. And his very real accomplishments on behalf of the poor and vulnerable in the world were ignored. He was relegated into a very narrow box of what the world thinks a Christian is.

Chuck Todd, political analyst for MSNBC and host of The Daily Rundown, tweeted yesterday morning, "Franklin Graham has a lot to learn from his father." Fair enough. But we often forget that Billy Graham also landed himself in political hot water from time to time. On one occasion, Graham was accused of being a propaganda tool of the former Soviet Union, an accusation not entirely unwarranted, despite his good intentions. William Martin wrote in Christianity Today: "[Critics] pointed in particular to a 1982 Moscow 'Peace Conference,' which did indeed have a strong anti-American slant, and after which Graham made some inadequately considered—and inaccurately reported—remarks that seemed to describe greater religious freedom in the USSR than in fact existed. Graham understands, of course, that the governments of the countries he has visited have their own agendas and that preaching the Christian gospel is not a major priority. 'Of course they are using us,' he said. "But we are using them as well, and my message is stronger than theirs.'" To one extent, Graham was being realistic and shrewd. To another extent, he was being too innocent about the impact of his actions. Should he have spoken on political matters in such a way? Probably not. Was he confusing his calling momentarily? Probably.

Then there was the even more troubling revelation in 2002 of the Nixon tapes of 1972 which found Billy Graham making anti-Semitic remarks to Richard Nixon, despite his long support of the nation of Israel. Graham later apologized for the remarks, saying he did not even recall making them. It's hard to imagine what he was thinking at the time. Could he have been star-struck by President Nixon? Could he actually have harbored anti-Semitic thoughts in his heart? We cannot say for sure. We can only say that Graham made a very significant mistake, but that he righted it and repented of his words.

Every time Billy Graham attempted to step outside the range of his calling--the speaking of the Law and the Gospel in Scripture--and attempted to lead in matters of politics, he was humbled. He made some major mistakes when it came to politics. But he also did tremendous good in the Body of Christ. His lasting legacy is found in the countless people came to new or renewed faith in Christ through his work of evangelism. The impact of his ministry will be seen in the assembled saints in Heaven.

We should look at the ministry and work of his son with the benefit of this history in our minds. Franklin Graham is not a perfect man. There have been several times he has ventured too much into the field of politics and too far away from his callings to care for the poor and needy of the world and to speak the Gospel. When he strays from these callings, he is humbled, just as his father was. However, that does not negate the excellent and massive relief work he does in the world. Samaritan's Purse recognizes the importance of relieving the suffering of those in need and puts its money where its mouth is. In the midst of the drought and famine in East Africa, they provided food and relief. They give Christmas gift boxes to underprivileged children throughout the world through Operation Christmas Child. Whenever there is a natural disaster in the world, they are there providing aid. They aid in medical missions, hunger relief, HIV/AIDS care, water programs. We cannot dismiss these good efforts. All too often Christians are said to care nothing for the poor. This is not true of Franklin Graham. He has invested his life in the care of the poor. You could say that this ministry is his life's work; politics is only his hobby.

Should we call into question Graham's words this morning? Certainly it is fair to do so. But we ought not blow his words out of proportion. We ought to look at the full man with a balanced eye and give thanks for all the good that he, yet an imperfect sinner saved by God's grace, does in the world.

ash wednesday

2012-02-21T10:02:00.000-08:00

Ever since I entered the Lutheran church, Ash Wednesday has been one of my favorite days in the church year. Maybe it has to do with coming to the Lutheran church when I was going through a profound depression as a teenager. Maybe it has to do with the sign of the cross on our foreheads that links us Christians together as we go back into the world. Maybe it has to do with the concrete nature of using a physical sign to convey a truth.

But I suspect that the main reason I am so attracted to this day is its honesty. You know, we walk through our lives, making small talk and speaking platitudes, talking about the weather and Linsanity and Downton Abbey, but when it comes down to it, there are very few moments that are fundamentally, deeply honest.

We feel this inner drive to be nice and sweet and look on the bright side. And sometimes that is really good. After all, being positive helps us in many ways. But at least once in a while, we need to get serious and admit our frailty, our pain, our neediness.

I think sometimes we cover up our pain thinking that God will not love us if we reveal who we truly are underneath the shiny paint. So--like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden--we hide, hide from the voice of God, from the nearness of God. We dare not let Him get too close.

That's why Ash Wednesday is such a breath of fresh air. It is maybe the one day in the whole year when we can get honest with ourselves and with God. It is the one day in the year when we can say, "I am a sinner and I am going to die." Those are the two things that are hardest to admit. But when we admit them, as Jesus said, "the truth will set us free." Admitting our brokenness means God can finally get in there to work some healing. And the first step of healing is knowing that despite every disgusting, ugly, despicable thing about us, God loves us. We may be dust, but we are dust that God loves. God can do amazing things with dust. He after all formed the first people from dust. And when we die and become dust again, He is able to raise us and make us new all over again.

In 2 Corinthians 5:20-21, Paul begs us, "We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God." He then goes on to tell us that God made Christ sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. In other words, Christ wants to heal you, but in order for that to happen, you have to admit you have a problem. You have to admit the truth of Ash Wednesday: "I am a sinner and I'm going to die." Only then does Christ reach in and say, "Alright...finally you admit it. Now I will take that brokenness from you and give you all that is mine." Think of it like a marriage: When you get married, you move in and bring all of your separate stuff together. What is the husband's is now the wife's. What is the wife's is now the husband's. That's how it is with Christ. What is yours is sin, brokenness, death, the power of the devil. That is Christ's now. What is Christ's is God's righteousness, healing, and resurrection...and that is now yours.

Christians are people who have faced up to the fact that we have a problem...sin and death. And we are people who know Christ will one day do away with all of that and make everything new. But in the meantime, we have many trials and pains. Ash Wednesday is about that too. It is deciding that instead of walking away from your pain, you are going to walk through it. The people of Israel had to go through the wilderness to get to the Promised Land. Jesus had to go through the 40 days of temptation in the wilderness before His ministry. Paul and the apostles had to go through tremendous trials in their ministry. And yet, with them, we look honestly at the worst this world has to throw at us...we face up to it...and then we say with faith, "This is not all there is!" With Paul, we say, "(We are) sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." For in Christ, we have everything.

Book Review Friday: When Work and Family Collide by Andy Stanley

2012-02-17T13:58:00.000-08:00

When Work and Family Collide: Keeping Your Job from Cheating Your Family by Andy Stanley (Multnomah Books) is like a modern-day book of Proverbs, speaking to the workaholic spouse and parent and providing direct and wise counsel on how to stop the madness and reclaim the most key priorities of life.

Andy Stanley is the founder of a megachurch, North Point Ministries in Atlanta. As any ministry family knows, the Church can be a very demanding profession. One has spiritual reasons for neglecting one's family. The needs of congregation members never end and one can easily gift their loved ones the short shrift. Yet, Stanley has steadfastly sought to prioritize his family members, despite the intense demands of starting and running a new congregation. He is a valuable role model for the over-stressed, over-worked typical American.

Stanley's running idea throughout the book is that there are only so many resources to go around and we will necessarily let someone down. In this way, we will either "cheat" our families or our workplace. Stanley says we ought to rather "cheat" our workplaces before we "cheat" our families. He points out that employers often do not value our loyalty and efforts, but that our families absolutely require it. He says that the workaholic's prayer is, "Dear God, you do what only I can do while I go do what many other could do just as well or better."

When I first started reading this book, I struggled with Stanley's use of the word "cheat." When I struggled so much as a young pastor, wife and mother, always feeling as if I was letting someone down, this was precisely my worry. I often thought to myself that I was being paid by my employer and I could not dare to let them down because that would be like cheating or stealing. Yet, for my family responsibilities, I was not paid. It would not be stealing to let them down, but it did tear my heart out. As I progressed further in the book, Stanley made it clear that he is not saying that Christians should defraud their employers of their due by sneaking out the door or just letting things go. Rather, he advises directness with one's employer. He holds up Daniel 1 as an example of how to appeal a rule that is forcing one to go against their convictions. His insights about presenting the issue to the employer directly, listening to their concerns, and seeking to come up with a solution that meets both parties' needs seemed to me wise and practical. (However, I always did struggle as a young pastor with figuring out who my boss was: God? The church council--who changed every year and who each had different expectations? The average member? The bishop? Still, conversations such as these would have been helpful to have had with the council, even if the revolving door of people entering council positions introduced some difficulties.)

This is a very helpful, readable book with a lot of wisdom, helpful stories and illustrations, and strong conviction. It holds up the importance of our family relationships as the most important commitments in our lives. It also includes a very helpful 4-week study guide for groups to use in discussion. Recommended. 3 1/2 stars.

Disclaimer: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions included are my own.

To read the first chapter of When Work and Family Collide, go here.

and we have a winner....

2012-02-16T15:22:00.000-08:00

Drumroll, please....

The randomly-chosen winner of the book, Healing Your Church Hurt by Stephen Mansfield is....

Timothy Swenson! Tim, please email me your address so I can mail you your certificate for your free book. Congratulations!

For the rest of you, make sure to check out my review here and consider purchasing a copy.

only my daughter

2012-02-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

Things to categorize under "Only My Daughter":
--Only my daughter would get up from sleeping in bed after making a messy to CHANGE HER OWN DIAPER WITHOUT CALLING MOM
--Only my daughter would make such a mess of it that when I finally heard her crashing around her room and went upstairs, the messy was smeared into the floor...leaving me wondering CAN THIS BE CLEANED UP? (It could)
--Only my daughter would empty half of her bath soap in the tub in an effort to clean herself and then giggle at her luck at getting a bubble bath in the middle of the night
--Only my daughter would crack me up with post-bath acrobatics
--Only my daughter would leave me with a tender heart after having been down on my hands and knees scrubbing up the most disgusting mess ever
--Only my daughter makes such gag-worthy tasks an act of love
--Only my daughter...fills my heart with love...

I don't know how it can be that we had such tender moments after this diaper cataclysm. But we did.

You couldn't have explained this to me at all before I had kids. It defies explanation.

I love that little stinker.

happy galentine's day!

2012-02-13T12:49:00.000-08:00

Christopher and I are fans of the NBC comedy, Parks and Recreation. In the sweet episode from last week, Leslie celebrates "Galentine's Day" (the day before Valentine's Day) by celebrating her female friends and attempting to find a love match for her best friend, Ann.

Well, I'm not going to try to find any of my single friends a husband; matchmaking has never been my forte! But I do want to take this invented holiday to reflect with thankfulness on the wonderful gift of female friends in my life.

I'm afraid that for many of my single years, I didn't appreciate female friends as much as I should have. My focus was so fully on finding a husband to love that I placed less value on female relationships. Plus, I thought I had more in common with male friends. How little I knew!

But the beginnings of marriage and motherhood have shown me that while a wonderful, loving husband is a gift of God, there are some parts of life that only a woman friend can understand--because your experience is her experience too!

Only a woman can understand the crazy ups and downs affecting our emotions and bodies each month.

Only a woman understands how physically connected we feel to our children, in such a way that we would kill or be killed if only to protect them

Only a woman understands the wonder of feeling a tiny baby growing within your womb.

Only a woman understands how draining it is to have birthed a new baby.

Only a woman understands the guilty feelings as she is pulled between work and home, always feeling she is letting someone down.

Only a woman understands postpartum depression.

Only a woman knows what it is like to feed another human being from her body.

Only a woman understands the anxiety of each stage of motherhood, as we struggle to figure out what is best for our children.

So....for all of my female friends who I am blessed to have in my life...thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your kind, loving words. Thank you for your Facebook messages and emails when I need a word of encouragement or advice. Thank you for your phone calls. Thank you for cooking for me when I was torn in body and spirit from the pains of labor. Thank you for making time for me. Thank you for encouraging me in faith. Thank you for being a sisterhood to me.

Happy Galentine's Day, ladies! I love you!

Enter to Win: Healing Your Church Hurt by Stephen Mansfield

2012-02-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

If you read my review of Healing Your Church Hurt: What To Do When You Still Love God But Have Been Wounded by His People by Stephen Mansfield, you know that I think it is a book that every Christian who has been hurt by another brother or sister in Christ should read.

Tyndale has provided me an opportunity to give one of you a free copy of this book. To enter the contest, just answer the following question in the comments below by Wednesday, February 15 (MST). If you win, I will post your name here on the blog on Thursday and get in touch with you. One entry per person, but multiple members of a family may enter.

Here's the question for you to answer: What is one lesson that you learned in your experience of church hurts or church conflicts?

Book Review Friday: Healing Your Church Hurt by Stephen Mansfield

2012-02-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

When I signed up to be a book review blogger last month, one of the books I was most excited to read was this week's featured title: Healing Your Church Hurt: What To Do When You Still Love God But Have Been Wounded by His People by Stephen Mansfield. (The first version of this book was titled ReChurch.) I was excited to read this book because, frankly, I needed it. I still need it. The last year of our time as pastors in North Dakota was fraught with conflict that exhausted me and wore me down. I came to Montana wanting to be very slow about getting involved in church. I would support Christopher is his role as pastor and be a positive presence at church, but I felt just very, very tired of the pain that churches cause. I was bleeding inside and I was pretty angry.

God has slowly been bringing me back from that battle-weary state. He has been so very good to me this year, surrounding me with trustworthy friends with whom I can be real and deepen my faith. He has blessed me with an incredible Bible study where I get to be a participant instead of the leader. There is still healing left to do, but I have begun to feel the cynicism and anger recede and a softness of spirit develop in me.

Healing Your Church Hurt is a book to help people whose hearts have been broken by the Church. Stephen Mansfield writes from the perspective of a man who has been deeply hurt by the Church. He writes of his experience: "For nearly a decade, I had been the pastor of a growing and influential church. It had been a glorious experience and I had loved the life that we shared and the history that we made as this nearly four thousand-member congregation pursued the things of God. But then, for reasons that don't need airing here, it all came to an end amidst conflict and uproar. Oh, it was a classic--complete with a conspiring church board and gossip packaged as 'sharing' in prayer meetings and accusations flying fast and loose. Demons danced and angels wept, and I should say quickly that I sinned too."

Sound familiar? I know that it did to me. Mansfield goes on to write that he was becoming broken and bitter, cynical and angry. He went over the whole horrible story over and over again in his mind, even after he had left the congregation where the wounding occurred. He began to develop hatred for those who had attacked and hurt him. He describes his soul as a "toxic bog" at this point.

Mansfield says that at this point in his descent, God sent him a group of "bold and unapologetic" pastors who took him to task, strongly confronted him, and forced him to face what he needed to so that he could find healing. They were his coaches, helping him to not only heal but begin to live out a hopeful future. But it was hard, strenuous emotional and spiritual work. Since that time, Mansfield found that God was constantly bringing him into contact with people who had been wounded by the Church. He began to realize that inherent in these encounters was a call. This book was written to help fulfill that call. Mansfield now writes to every Christian who is in the position he was in. He writes as if he is now one of the bold, confronting pastors, challenging us as readers to be all God calls us to be.

Throughout the course of the book, I appreciated Mansfield's direct voice. He doesn't tiptoe around the truth but states it baldly and strongly. He does so with compassion and love, but he speaks the truth that sets us free.

One of the chapters that I most appreciated in the book was "The Sea Breeze of the Centuries," in which Mansfield tells the story of several prominent Christians in church history who suffered terrible pain at the hands of other Christians. I don't know why I had never thought of this before, but it never occurred to me that some of the worst pain the heroes of the faith endured was at the hands of other Christians. Mansfield tells of how George Whitefield had rotten eggs and pieces of dead cats thrown at him when he preached, of how he had drummers try to drown out his preaching, of how he once had someone try to urinate on him while he preached. (As someone who once had a prominent congregation member stand up after a sermon I gave and publicly reprimand me for it, I began to feel, reading this, that perhaps I had not had it so bad after all!) Even worse, Whitfield was attacked on theological grounds by his good friend, John Wesley, in a very public way. This wound was perhaps the worst of all. But Mansfield shows how Whitfield worked his way through the pain and found healing. He also tells the stories of St. Patrick, Jonathan Edwards and Bono, and ways that they also encountered wounding at the hands of the Church. But of how they did not stay in that broken place, but went on to healing. These stories were powerful to me and I will likely return to them again and again.

In the remainder of the book, Mansfield continues to speak truth in a direct way to those of us who have been wounded by the Church. He reminds us that we should expect that other sinners are indeed capable of evil, though they are believers; we ought not be sentimental about the people of the Church, but should face the facts as they are. This truth resonated with the Lutheran teaching that believers are fully saint and fully sinner. This does not mean that we cannot grow in character, but it does mean that we will always be flawed and broken and sinful until God takes us home to heaven. And so, we should not be shocked when a Christian wounds us for he or she is still a person in process, a broken person, just like us.

In "The Throne Room of Your Mind," Mansfield provides a powerful image for what to do with the sins committed against us. This single image is worth the price of the book and much more besides; I think it has changed my life. This chapter helped me so much because I have always felt in attempting to forgive someone that I simply don't know what to do with the very real presence of their sin. And so I rehash it again and again. Now, I have a place to put it.

This is a deeply wise, challenging book that every Christian who has been hurt by other Christians should read. It is chock-full of truths that can change your life and transform you from a broken person to whole person. It is also immensely readable. Highly recommended.

5 out of 5 stars

To learn more about this book, visit the Tyndale website here. In addition, you can read a free excerpt by going here. To learn more about Stephen Mansfield, you can visit his personal website as well. Finally, watch this blog for your chance to enter your name in a drawing for a copy of this powerful book.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

introverts and leadership

2012-02-09T13:25:00.000-08:00

Look at a job listing for any leadership position and you'll probably notice that people are looking for a superhuman. Not only must a leader be a visionary, but he or she must also be charismatic with people. Pastors must get the bottoms in the seat, but also produce well thought-out, deep sermons and set a compelling and Scriptural vision for a church. Political leaders must spend time "relating to" people and kissing babies. Leaders must be: Happy and hopeful. "On" in public, all the time. Yet, conscientious and attentive to detail.

We cannot, of course, have it all in one person.

I have wondered for a while now if part of the reticence to Mitt Romney as a presidential nominee is not only due to the occasional insensitive comment he makes or his position-shifting, but rather to some introvert tendencies that he seems to display. (Note: Though I attempted to do research on whether Governor Romney is, in fact, an introvert or not, I was unable to find any definitive data.)

Though we do not know for sure if Governor Romney is an introvert, we can certainly agree that he displays a certain social awkwardness and stunted ability to turn on the charisma and charm people.

Yet, we also know that Governor Romney thinks in a careful, nuanced way, as he did in his rich and resonant speech on his Mormon faith and religious faith in America in 2007. Romney is a deep thinker, but not necessarily skilled in extroverted back-slapping and baby kissing. People hold this against him, but I ask if his lack of people skills means he cannot be a great leader?

In my work as a pastoral intern and then as a pastor, I found two things to be true. One was that I was naturally shy and could easily use that as an excuse to hide out in my office, avoiding the difficulty of social interaction. Certainly, I brought some of people's occasional frustration with me on myself. For to be a good pastor, you must love and know your people, not just think about them.

But the second thing I found to be true was that while I often needed to stretch outside my comfort zone more than I did, like a rubber band, there was only so far I could be stretched without snapping. I can develop skills that do not come naturally, but I cannot change my overall personality. For good or for ill, I am an introvert. I like people, but I don't gain energy from being with them most of the time. I enjoy having long periods of time spent in thought and reflection. I function best when I can read, encounter new ideas, watch the world around me and carefully analyze what is good and what can be better. I like to listen to people and learn things about them, too. I believe I serve best when I am allowed to use these gifts, rather than hide them under a bushel, forever chasing the unreachable goal of an extroverted personality.

We need both extroverts and introverts in the world of leadership. Extroverts excel at reaching out to large groups of people and making them feel wanted, invited, and cared for. They know how to generate excitement and enthusiasm. They know how to get big groups of people together. They know how to form a tribe.

But introverts stand back in the shadows and carefully analyze not just the quantity but the quality of the work. They know that depth is just as important as breadth. Introverts listen to people; they pay attention. To put it baldly: They know when to shut up. They offer correctives and cautions that extroverts in their enthusiasm may have missed. In their willingness to spend time alone in thought, they help governments, companies and churches to develop integrity and depth in the work that they do.

Without introverts, it is hard to form a mission with depth. Without extroverts, it is hard to get people to buy-in to the mission.

Yes, I am painting in broad strokes. There is a continuum, to be sure, of introversion and extroversion. But to simply choose our leaders based on their charisma, without attention to their depth and character, is a mistake. Perhaps we ought to look at our potential and current leaders with an eye to whether they surround themselves with people who balance out their inadequacies, with an eye to their character, with an eye to the depth of their thought. After all, it is not enough to build a tribe if you have nowhere to lead them.

Note: Politics can be a powder keg and I am certainly not endorsing Governor Romney in this post, but am simply offering some food for thought, regardless of who each of us votes for in the midst of the election season.

For more on introverts and extroverts and leadership, check out this article on Psychology Today's website and this one on Forbes.com.

a love letter to my messy house

2012-02-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Messy House,

I know I grouch and complain about you more often than I should...and I take you for granted more times than I could number. I shout, "I CAN'T. TAKE. IT. ONE. MORE. MINUTE!!!" I'm sorry...please forgive me. I want to take this opportunity to tell you thank you for all you do.

Thank you for the dirty socks and discarded newspapers by the bed.

Thank you for the pile of books beneath my daughter's bookcase.

Thank you for the stickers that are, well, everywhere: stuck to my daughter's toy kitchen, washed and dried into my sweatshirts, piled on the kitchen table, strewn on the floor.

Thank you for the cluttery scattered art projects that seem to be collect dust and disintegrate everywhere.

Thank you for my husband's teetering pile of books and papers on the table by his Lazy-boy.

Thank you for the mountain of smelly laundry collecting in the hamper.

Thank you for the pine needles that are trampled in again the moment I vacuum the floor.

Thank you for the water-splashed bathroom counter.

Thank you for the Mr. Potato Head arm, the blankey, the duck umbrella, the box of markers, the toy grocery cart, the toy dishes, the single toddler slipper...that manage to find their way around the house. Thank you for all the trips I make through the house picking up single items and restoring them to their places.

Thank you that my house is never fully clean, that it is always in a state of upheaval and clutter.

Thank you...because this means that tiny feet tramp here and there...that a squeaky musical voice is heard through this house...that a strong and loving husband absent-mindedly drops papers here and there...Thank you for your daily cluttery signs that this house, this life of mine is peopled, is inhabited, is filled with light and love. Forgive me for my exasperation and frustration. Yes, we need order and cleanliness, but neither will be perfect, not as long as the strong steps and the flitting tip-toes of the ones I love most are found here. And so I will take your clutter...I will receive your dust bunnies...I will give thanks for your scattered toys. For I once was alone and I prayed on my knees, with tears, for these people to come. I must not forget to give thanks that they are here at last.

Thank you, messy house.

Love,
A Grateful Wife and Mother

"God sets the lonely in families..."--Psalm 68:6

This post is linked up with the Practices of Parenting Blog Carnival over at Emerging Mummy.

Book Review Friday: White Bread by Aaron Bobrow-Strain

2012-02-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

White Bread: A Social History of the Store-Bought Loaf by Aaron Bobrow-Strain (Beacon Press) is due to be released March 6. After wading through it this past week, I have to say that this book comes across as a well-documented term paper, but as a literary work that ultimately fails to satisfy, engage or provide meaningful solutions to the problems it lays out.

White Bread seeks to explore the efforts Americans have made throughout the past century to eat well and the impact these efforts have had on society, both intended and unintended. Bobrow-Strain says that the intent of his book is to tell the history of those who "thought that getting Americans to eat the right bread (or avoid the wrong bread--could save the world--or at least restore the country's moral, physical, and social fabric." The book lays out the different Utopian dreams that American society had for the "proper" bread, which was defined differently depending on the era. In particular, Bobrow-Strain documents the rise of sliced white bread and what American's embrace of it says about us and about our view of the world.

Where I found myself most connecting to the book was in Bobrow-Strain's self-criticism of the dream of a foodie. He points out that high ideals about food that are meant to increase a democratic people's approach to eating actually often end up dividing people and leaving more people hungry. I have often though about this as a person who generally does not shop at Wal-mart on principle (I don't like what they pay their employees or how they treat them). Despite my attempts to resist the "man," I sometimes forget that while Wal-mart doesn't pay its employees much, it does provide really low prices for staple items, including food, which lower income people need. Is this really so evil?

Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that I consider myself a foodie, I'm interested in ideals like trying to eat locally (though I'm not at all obsessive about it), and I love artisan foods. But I also have often thought of how middle-class concerns about organic, local-grown, and artisan are completely irrelevant to someone in poverty. I posted to Twitter this week two tweets that I thought made the point: "Is my arugula organic? #FirstWorldProblems" "Is there food on my plate? #ThirdWorldProblems"

So, I appreciated this self-analysis from an idealistic foodie point of view. We middle-class foodies need to be careful not to be so self-involved with obtaining supposed perfect food that we ignore the stomach-gnawing pains of the hungry. To be more socially conscious as we pursue good food, to think about how we can share bounty with the world, would be a great place to start.

Although one cannot fault the depth of research conducted by Bobrow-Strain, what this book ultimately suffers from is a lack of narrative. One could argue that this is a science book or a sociology of food book. But books that hope to engage the masses can include both a successful treatment of niche science/sociology and story. Story is what keeps the reader engaged and connected to the sometimes technical material. A book that effectively engages this dynamic is The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which tells a very scientific story of cells and medicine, but does it in a narrative fashion. Bobrow-Strain could have accomplished this through a different narrative in each chapter or he could have found a way to bring a running narrative through the entire book. Either method would have greatly improved what unfortunately turns out to be a well-documented listing of relevant quotes and facts.

Bobrow-Strain did succeed in convincing me that our Utopian goals for bread and for food in general often lead to more exclusion and more hunger in the world. But he didn't successfully leave me with a take-away understanding of what I should do to change this. His book is a cautionary tale, but it could easily leave me afraid to try to change the food situation in the world for the better for fear I will impact the world in a wrong way. He doesn't actually say not to try; in fact, he argues for the contrary. But even his own efforts to try on a food worldview of "fermentation" (a yeast metaphor that is the opposite of the sterile and "pure" worldviews of past food theorists) seems somewhat unconvincing to himself.

I left the book with some positive take-away, but also with a sense that perhaps the author succumbed to over-thinking our relationship with bread.

2 1/2 stars out of 5

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Beacon Press. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

don't let this happen to you--hire a copy editor!

2012-01-30T18:58:00.000-08:00

Can you spot the typo in this recent ad from the Daily Inter Lake?

Typos happen...but they can also make you and your business look unprofessional. Typos can make people question whether you really do know your stuff (even though you do!). Typos can make a potential customer fail to take you as seriously as they should.

I can help! I work as a freelance copywriter and I take on a variety of projects. I can provide you with a free quote for services that meet your communication needs. You can find more information on my background as a writer here. My email address is: rmiller001@luthersem.edu

multitudes on monday (121-125)

2012-01-30T18:26:00.000-08:00

This week I am thankful for:

121. How well writing has been going this month. I started the new year with the thought of really investing in doing even more with my writing and growing an even larger audience. Thanks be to God, doors continue to open. No, I haven't "made it" as a writer yet, but I sure am enjoying the journey.

122. The joys of really good cinema. Recently, I've seen movies that moved me profoundly, spoke to me, and enriched my life: The Descendants, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Midnight in Paris. All of these had something very special to say and I am the richer for having experienced them. God is a creative and awesome God in giving people such wonderful artistic gifts.

123. Kisses and face pats from my little daughter.

124. The joy of watching my husband teach my daughter so many valuable things. He is so patient with her and excellent at coming up with new things to teach her about her world. She hangs on his every word.

125. Good friends, to whom I can pour out my heart. Friends who have time for me. What a gift!

What are you thankful for today?

why i won't be boycotting starbucks

2012-01-30T10:35:00.000-08:00

On January 25, Starbucks posted the following status to Facebook: “We are proud to support Marriage Equality legislation in the Washington State Legislature.” Of course, some conservative Christians raised brouhaha over this statement and the comments in response to Starbucks are still coming in. For example, one commenter said: “I will be taking my dollars elsewhere because of this support - and I do love my Starbucks. But I do have the right in this country to choose how I spend my money. And I choose to not spend it with a company supporting something I do not.” A few months ago, it became apparent that Starbucks matched employee gifts to Planned Parenthood and at that time also many Christians declared that they would no longer buy coffee from Starbucks.

But I do not count myself among the boycotters.

Unlike my more liberal friends, I don’t agree with Starbucks’ expenditures. It’s not how I would spend my money and I don’t appreciate these causes. I don’t support Marriage Equality legislation (although I am certainly far more concerned about the redefinition of marriage within the church—which I expect to be set apart for God— than in the State—which I expect to act like the world). I definitely don’t support the mission and work of Planned Parenthood. Although there are caring people who work there, I do not trust the organization itself to truly do what is best for women.

If I don’t like Starbucks’ money going to these causes, then why have I failed to jump on the boycott bandwagon?

Well, first of all, I believe boycotts should be more than a knee-jerk reaction. Because our decisions directly impact someone’s business, we should stop and think hard before we boycott. We should think about the message we send by our boycott. (Are we contributing to the “intolerant bigots” view of Christians today?) We should think also about what other companies are contributing to the causes of which we disapprove. For example, there is a list of the other companies who are part of the Washington United for Marriage Business Coalition, a pro-gay marriage group. The list is long and although many of the companies are local businesses in Washington, there are a number of prominent national businesses as well. I believe each should be scrutinized equally when it comes to potential boycotts. Are you prepared to drop your insurance company (American Family Insurance)? Are you willing to start using another search engine (Google)? Plan to change your computer’s operating system (Microsoft)? Unless you are willing to consider these choices, you are simply succumbing to a herd mentality, doing the “trendy Christian thing.” We live in a world where it’s cool to boycott Starbucks in some Christian circles, but if we are not consistent, we run the risk of simply coming across as hateful and making very little impact. (Note: There is a similar list of companies that currently match employee's gifts to Planned Parenthood here. Starbucks is not listed on that list but is listed here; I have been unable to substantiate whether or not they are still providing these matching funds.)

Sooner or later though, we come to realize that all businesses and all money are tainted with sin. If we dig deep enough in most companies, we will find something we don’t like, something of which we disapprove. Yes, there may be times when we feel conscience-bound to boycott a business (and if God is calling you to do that, by all means do!). There may be times when we feel so uncomfortable with a certain group’s business practices that we decide to shop elsewhere. But we should think and pray carefully before we haul off with an angry boycott.

Yes, sin is serious. Yes, Christians are concerned with turning away from sin. But we also have to think about how our tactics make our message come across. Are we giving off a haughty attitude or are we portraying the Biblical understanding of sin? Sin is something we are all complicit in. Sin is something we all need a Savior to deliver us from. And that Savior did come, because He loved us enough to give up His life for us. So, the story begins with sin, but it ends with a Savior.

Where is the Savior in the angry boycott language? Is our communication style making it harder for people to see Jesus? Rather than boycotting a business for having different values than our own, maybe it would make sense for each Christian to become friends with someone who believes vastly differently than they do. Maybe in gently sharing God’s love and care for their friend, an open heart to Biblical truth may result. Christian disciples are not made by placards, slogans, and boycotts. Christian disciples are made through the Word, the Holy Spirit and the power of personal relationships with Christians. And Christians who are plugged into the Scriptures and Christian community fundamentally begin to change from the inside out.

We shouldn’t expect Starbucks—or Google—to have Biblical values. But maybe we can all befriend and care about Starbucks one barista at a time. The way Jesus would. And maybe those individuals can be changed to see the world the way God does.

teaching your kids about God: devotions together

2012-01-26T12:21:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I began a series of occasional posts on that most important of responsibilities we have been given as a parent: teaching our kids about God. The first post focused on how play-acting can be a helpful teaching technique with kids. Today, I want to talk about the benefits having devotion time together, side by side.

Years ago, I remember reading a wonderful article in Discipleship Journal about how we go through seasons of life in relation to our devotional times. The time a single college student has to spend in the Word, prayer, and worship is different from the time a young mom or dad with small children has to spend. There are so many seasons and stages of life and we ought not hold ourselves to the standard of a previous stage of life. The important thing is simply to be in the Bible to the best of our ability in the stage of life we are in.

Some of my mommy friends and I were recently discussing that we all struggle to even start having a devotion time because we feel we cannot get into it with the depth that we would like, the depth that we have had in the past. The feeling that easily arises is, "Why start?" But what we fail to recognize is that consistency is the key, not perfection. To be in the Word regularly, even if all we can manage is a few minutes, is better than a once-monthly, stressed-out cram session. After all, we can always add to a consistent routine. There is room to grow, but at least there is a foundation.

What does this have to do with teaching our kids about faith, you ask? Well, when I was growing up, my mom made a point of having me see her read God's Word. I think, remembering that from a child's perspective, I held her up to a high standard that said somehow she managed to go in depth in the little kid years. And so when when I couldn't figure out how to do this, I felt like a failure. I talked to her recently about this and it seems it was more challenging than I remembered. I began to realize that what really matters is just that I read God's Word and that my daughter sees me reading and valuing God's Word.

About a week ago, we started a new routine at our house: Mommy and Burrito devotions together in the morning. It all started at Burrito's initiation. I went into her room to get her up and found her in her rocking chair with a children's Bible. "I'm listening to God's Word," she told me. My heart was warmed and since I was behind on my Bible reading (again), I ran and grabbed my Bible and study guide, plopped down on the floor and took this God-given opportunity.

I caught up with my Bible reading that day and the experience was so precious that every day since then I have gone in, gotten her changed and had devotion with her. I read my Bible. She pages through a children's Bible of her choice. Yes, she peppers me with whispered questions. "Who's this, Mommy?...Is this Jesus?...What are they doing?...Are you all done with your reading?" Sometimes I try to read the same sentence in my Bible many times before I finish it. But we are learning a routine together and gaining mutual accountability. We are valuing God's Word together. Sometimes we share with each other what we are "reading." Opportunities for teaching arise right and left. When I finish my reading, I read her a Bible story or two. Then we fold our hands and pray together. We ask God's blessing on the day and we give thanks for the answers to prayer. It's simple and it's beautiful.

I think we will be having devotions together for a long time.

fun winter day activity: molasses-on-snow candy

2012-01-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

Molasses drizzled on fresh, clean snow.

Burrito and I have been trying to come up with fun winter's day activities. We have been reading the wonderful series of children's picture books based on the original Little House Books by Laura Ingalls Wilder (for example: A Little Prairie House (Little House)). The pictures are beautiful and the stories are just the way I remember. It's been wonderful to share those memories with her. We recently read Christmas in the Big Woods (Little House) and Burrito was fascinated by the molasses-on-snow candy that Laura and Mary made. When it snowed heavy and thick this week, she suggested that we make the candy. So, I dug out The Little House Cookbook and looked up the recipe. It's very simple: 1 cup of molasses, plus 1/2 cup of brown sugar. You prepare pans of snow and set them outside to be ready when the mixture gets hot. You mix and heat the molasses and brown sugar until it boils and then turn it down to medium heat. You heat the mixtures until it is 245 degrees, stirring frequently to be sure not to burn it. Then, you bring in your pans of snow, drizzle the mixture across the top (I used a measuring cup with a pour spout so that Burrito could pour too), and let the candy harden. When it has cooled and hardened, you break the candy into bite-sized pieces.

The finished product!

A couple of tips: if you drip the molasses mixture anywhere, it will make a terrible mess! Be prepared to use some elbow grease and some vinegar to scrub it off. Secondly, if you keep the candy in too warm a place, it will slowly melt back down to liquid. So, eat what you want and eat it fast!:-) Delish!

Book Review Friday, Part 2: Life, In Spite of Me

2012-01-20T06:54:00.000-08:00

I picked up Life, In Spite of Me: Extraordinary Hope After a Fatal Choice by Kristen Jane Anderson because stories of people who have overcome serious depression resonate with me. I have battled depression and anxiety at least since my teenage years and greatly appreciate stories of those who have survived and even triumphed through these illnesses.

Kristen Anderson suffered a series of deep emotional wounds and losses as a teenager. She had several family and friend deaths occur, including the loss of a friend to suicide. Shortly thereafter, she attended a party with a boy she liked and was raped. No one knew that this had happened. Her despair began to deepen and deepen, until one night she went for a walk and impulsively threw herself on the train tracks, intending to kill herself and end the pain. Instead, the train ran her over and severed both of her legs. She was profoundly wounded. She shouldn’t have survived, but she did. Thus began a long journey back through physical and emotional rehab, spiritual transformation, and deep inner healing.

Kristen believes that God had a plan in all of the pain that she experienced. According to her account, she was only a nominal Christian prior to the accident. This crisis became a moment of reckoning, forcing her to re-evaluate everything and come to a personal relationship with Christ. As a Lutheran Christian, I frequently found myself questioning the way the theology was articulated (did she really have no faith, or did her faith simply deepen with the accident?), but I had to remind myself that God clearly has done a work in this young woman’s life, a work that led to the healing of her broken soul, a deepened faith in Jesus, and a ministry of encouragement to others who are without hope. I appreciated her vulnerability in sharing her story and the clear transformation God made in her life.

For those without hope and those who are tempted to end it all, this book could be just the encouragement they need to keep going.

3 stars out of 5

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group . I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Review Friday, Part 1: Heaven is for Real for Kids

2012-01-19T16:04:00.000-08:00

This week, I have two book reviews for you. Be on the lookout for the second one tomorrow.

You can hardly be a mommy or a member of a church without having heard of the book Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back. Countless numbers of my friends have told me “it was AWESOME” or “I couldn’t put it down.” I still have the adult version of the book in my “to read” stack (which is a bit of a skyscraper, truth be told). But this week, I at least got to read the picture book version, Heaven is for Real for Kids: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back by Todd and Sonja Burpo.

I read the Kindle version of this book. My Kindle is admittedly not the best to use for picture books, due to its black and white screen. However, the pictures were still beautiful and detailed.

In case you have been living under a rock, the story details how Colton Burpo had a vision of heaven (or visited heaven?) at the age of four during a serious illness which hospitalized him. I appreciated that the book didn’t go into whether Colton died or not, thereby avoiding a can of worms for a parent to explain. The book is careful to avoid scary parts of the story and instead focuses on the hope that Christians have. It expresses this in simple words that are easy for a child to understand. I really appreciated that the book also included a Bible passage on every page as Colton recounts his vision of heaven.

For people who are looking for big revelations about heaven that they’ve never heard before, this book may be a bit of a disappointment. There is nothing really new here (and that’s probably a good thing). All—or virtually all—of Colton’s vision is Biblical. As the book points out in the Q and A section, a few people in the Bible also got to see (or visit?) heaven, so it is not outrageous for a believer today to have such an experience. From what I’ve heard about the expanded adult version of the book, Colton had never been told much of the things he saw prior to his vision. So, maybe the fact that there is nothing new here is simply a testament to the truth of the hope that we have in Christ. There was a part of me (always the skeptic!) that felt it was a little too convenient how closely the book clung to interpretations of Biblical passages. Was this truly all new to Colton or had he heard it somewhere?

Either way, we are all encouraged to have the faith of a child and Colton demonstrates that for us. This book is a helpful resource to teach your children about heaven, with good pictures and not too many words per page. Many of the Bible verses included would be good memory verses.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

why "The Descendants" meant so much to me

2012-01-17T10:48:00.000-08:00

The Descendants won big at the Golden Globes this weekend, taking home the Best Picture, Drama award, as well as Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama award for George Clooney. In addition, young actress Shailene Woodley was nominated for the Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture award. All these Hollywood honors are wonderful, but I think the real test of a great film is its ability to touch our hearts, to connect with us in a universal, lasting way. When we walk away from a film, a validated and more insightful person, we have seen a truly great film.

I saw The Descendants about a week before the Golden Globes and it touched my heart profoundly. It is the story of Matt King, whose wife has just had a water-skiing accident that leaves her in a coma. Shortly after this accident, Matt's teenage daughter, Alexandra, reveals to him that his wife has been having an affair. Matt has hardly been the ideal husband, with little time for his family, but the revelation hits him with shocking impact. He still loves his wife, despite his poor track record as a husband. Around this same time, the doctors give Matt the terrible news that his wife is never going to wake up from her coma. This news is made particularly devastating because Matt knows that now he will never have a time to mend his relationship with his wife; neither will have a chance to make amends. The central question of the film now becomes: how do you find closure in circumstances that seem to resist any possibility of real closure? How can you end a relationship forever when there is so much left unsaid and undone?

I understand this central dilemma. When my father got cancer, I was in college and what followed was a prolonged, seven-year battle with the disease that would ultimately kill him. He died two years ago. My dad was a complicated man. He loved God above all. I know he loved me and my brother. He also could sometimes be stubborn and difficult and carry around baggage from the past. There were elephants in the room in our relationship. There were unspoken secrets at time. I loved my dad very much, but there were some conversations I always wanted to have with him, but could never muster the courage to have.

We are taught that we ought to wrap everything up with a bow when someone is dying. We are to have perfect closure, everything clean and neat. But, for the most part, I don't think death is really like that. I think that we all end our lives with regrets, despite the slogans that we are trying to live life with none. There is always the sense of what might have been. The Descendants merely heightens this reality. It is a profoundly helpful film for the grieving because it shows us the truth of what grief is like and how we might find a realistic kind of closure so that we might move forward in our lives, never forgetting our loved one, but able to continue living with hope.

Another central theme of The Descendants is appreciating what has been given to us, here and now. Matt King serves as trustee of a large chunk of land in Hawaii, where his ancestors have dwelt for generations. He alone may say yay or nay to the upcoming sale and division of this property. Yes, the sale will make all the descendants a lot of money, but King must grapple with the fact that the inheritance his ancestors have left to him may find its true value not in money, but in the connections and beauty that it provides. The land is a metaphor for what King still has left in his relationship with his daughters. In the beginning of the film, he calls himself "the back-up parent." Just as his relationship with his wife has been wanting, so has his relationship with his two daughters. But as the three grapple with the hard realities of grief--including their anger, sadness, and finally acceptance--they are drawn closer together. The false mask of indifference that they have all been wearing is shattered. The journey to a more authentic relationship is painful, but the bond that they all form through the suffering is quietly hinted at in the closing frames of the film.

The idea that there can be a real healing as we move into the future, a healing which acknowledges the past, which gives it dignity and truth, a healing which is not perfect, but which also gives us permission to move forward...this moved me so much as I watched this film. I appreciated that the reality of grief in its nothing-like-picture-perfect truth was portrayed so well. And for the first time in a while, I found myself able to cry about my loss of Dad, connecting to the pain of the death of one loved so well and in such a complicated way. Finally, this film gave us a beautiful picture of forgiveness, in the final monologue of George Clooney to his coma-ridden, dying wife. The bringing together of his anger and his love for her in that final speech was masterful.

I think that over the years, I will watch this film over and over again. It connects me to the truth of grief, which must be felt in order to be healed, and to the possibility of hope.

multitudes on monday (116-120)

2012-01-16T14:39:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for:

116. Thick snow, gently falling on the all-too-brown earth.

117. A chance to worship together with both my husband and daughter this weekend.

118. All of the open doors that God has given me to do more editing lately. What a joy to be able to earn some money doing what I love!

119. My Kindle, which I love more every day. What a joy to be able to read and mark up so many wonderful books--often for free!

120. That my daughter is learning to play well by herself.

What are YOU thankful for today?

Book Review Friday: Why Men Hate Going to Church

2012-01-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

A female friend of mine summarized Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow this way: “Love to hate that book.” Having just read the revised 2011 version, I think this perfectly encapsulates what it is like as a woman to read this book. There is no question that its message is deeply needed in the Christian church, where in nearly every congregation women outnumber men, where men (particularly younger, masculine men) look at church as irrelevant and boring, and where the undeniable feminizing influence on the church (and even on the perception of Jesus) has been felt for decades—maybe even a couple centuries. As Murrow points out, statistically fathers have the largest influence on whether or not their children will continue in the Christian faith in which they were raised. So, in the need for the message of this book, I love it. However, it is difficult to hear (as a woman) that the way I have been doing ministry is sometimes counter-productive to men’s growth in faith, and therefore to the growth of the whole church.

Murrow does not criticize women in leadership per se (although he does suggest that too many women up front in a church communicates to men that there is no place for them). I did appreciate that in his final chapter, he gives a great example of how a female pastor has created a church culture that reaches men perhaps better than any other church he has witnessed. Women can do this, but it takes more effort and it takes sometimes being willing to step out of the spot-light in order that a brother in Christ may have the opportunity to grow in leadership and as a role model to other men.

In college, I took an intensely interesting class in cultural anthropology in which I studied how a group or culture operates as a holistic system. Reading this book reminded me of that class. Like it or not, the way Murrow describes how men think and act is reality. Can men be challenged in many areas? Yes, of course they can, just as women can. But you have to start with where they are. This is no different really from the growth of seeker-sensitive ministries that seek to “become all things to all men that they might in all ways save some.” Still, just as seeker-sensitive ministries can do, I found myself wondering if orienting ourselves to the way men think and act simply because it is reality can at times sacrifice some of the message. For example, if a church focuses overly on numbers, achievement, power, glory as oftentimes appeals to men, then where is the word of the Apostle Paul, who reminds us that Christ’s power is present in our weakness? Where is the power of the cross? Where is the surrender of self that the Lordship of Christ to which we are called?

Still, with that said, sensitivity to and understanding of the culture of men is important. Only if we understand how a man thinks and operates can we decide intentionally when to depart from their culture. Instead of departing from a man’s culture by default and concluding that Christianity is fundamentally feminine, we can analyze our assumptions and better communicate with the men for whom Christ also died.

Murrow begins his book with this insight:

One Sunday I was sitting in church, half-listening to the sermon, when my wandering mind recalled a quote from a business guru: “Your system is perfectly designed to give you the results you’re getting.”

Like the business guru, Murrow contends that the Church has been setting itself up for failure in its attempts to reach men. It covers its walls with quilting and its tables with doilies, sings emotional songs, puts women up front, emphasizes touchy-feely stuff and academics (skills in which women excel) instead of doing (in which men excel), wastes time, fails to take risks, doesn’t get things accomplished. It is set up to be a field of frustration for men. Murrow goes on to say,

Men don’t hate God or Christ or the Bible or Christianity. They hate a system that’s perfectly designed to reach someone else. A system that makes them feel unneeded. A system that exalts the gifts they simply do not possess.

One of the most helpful insights in the book for me related to the language used of our relationship with Jesus. Murrow helpfully points out that terms like “personal relationship with Jesus,” “Jesus, I’m so in love with you,” “passion for Christ,” “passion for other men,” and the like are squirm-worthy for men. They enter church convinced that it is a feminine place anyway and then we (unintentionally) throw homo-erotic imagery at them. Murrow rightly states that this language is not in fact Biblical. It is a construct that we place on the Scriptures. We are nowhere told to fall in love with Jesus. Yes, the Church is called the Bride of Christ, but this is as a whole, not in terms of individuals. Murrow rightly criticizes the “Jesus is my Boyfriend” praise songs that have been circulating throughout the Church for years. He points out that men are often more drawn to hymns with a driving, marching beat. And he adds that while women may be drawn to the immanence of God, men are more often drawn to the transcendence of God.

Also helpful was Murrow’s contrasting of Lion-Jesus with Lamb-Jesus. He says the latter image has become dominant in the church of today, but that in Scripture “Lion-Jesus isn’t the exception; he’s the rule.” Murrow also helpfully distinguishes from the terminology Jesus used for believers—Kingdom of God—and the default language the Church has taken on—Family of God. He points out that once the dominant and only image we use for the Church is Family, we become hesitant to risk, confront or change. Instead of God’s will and mission being the goal, harmony at all cost becomes the goal. Finally, very helpful were Murrow’s suggestions for how to make small changes in the worship service in order that it might communicate better with men (such as using humor or remembering that men are visual learners).

In summary, this is a really important book and I think every person in ministry (including lay leaders) should read it. Will I accept every statement the author makes wholesale? No, but he has given me a lot to think about and digest. He has changed my perspective on what it is like to be a man in the Church. And because of that, I highly recommend this book.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

teaching your kids about God: play-acting

2012-01-11T13:17:00.000-08:00

I may have been brought up in the Church and I may have been to seminary and Bible school, but I still have moments when I tremble before the awesome responsibility of teaching my daughter about God. It is intimidating to think of the effect it can have in her life if I "get it wrong." It is scary to think of how to explain faith in a way she can understand. And it is easy to let faith teaching fall by the wayside in the midst of life's busyness. I struggle with all those same challenges, just like all of you do. So, from time to time, I'd like to share with you ideas that have worked for our family and helped us to pass on our faith.

The first idea I'd like to share with you is play-acting! My daughter is a fairly dramatic young lady. We regularly act out parts of fairy tales, particularly Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast. One day, as we were working through Truth in the Tinsel and trying to learn the Christmas story, it occurred to me that we could act it out. We fell into it so naturally. I would be the Angel appearing to Mary (my daughter) and saying, "Do not be afraid, Mary!" Mary would end by saying, "I'll do whatever God wants." Or I would be Joseph, taking Mary to look for a place to stay in Bethlehem, but finding all the "hotel rooms" full, and then praising Mary for her strength in the midst of adversity. Or Mary would rock a baby doll Jesus and sing to him. Or Mary and Joseph would run away from Herod and go to Egypt. Suddenly, my daughter was really getting into it! And she was learning the story and learning faith lessons from the characters. She wasn't having a faith lesson forced on her. She was learning it organically. Now, she pleads not only to play Princess, but also to play Mary and Joseph!

So, now we have moved on to the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and the Fiery Furnace. It is a great faith lesson for following God and refusing to bow down to idols. Burrito loves to pretend to be the 3 faithful men and come out of the furnace saying, "I didn't even get smoke on my clothes!" She loves to proclaim to the King that she "won't sing the Bunny Song" (a la Veggie Tales).

So...want to get started with your own play-acting? Don't worry...costumes and props are not even needed! That's the great thing about kids; they can imagine all that stuff. Just get out your children's Bible and pick a good story. Read it several times with your child. Then, start an improv of the story, together with your child. Use modern day words to get the meaning across. Let your child choose which character they want to play. As you act out the story, let lessons emerge naturally. Let creativity flourish! Remind yourself that the people of the Bible were real people, like you and me. I promise you will be inspired!

multitudes on monday (111-115)

2012-01-09T16:02:00.000-08:00

Here's what I'm giving thanks for this week:

111. That when my knee dislocated twice recently, it popped right back in.

112. For hubby's opportunity to get involved in some fun local activities and make some new friends.

113. For a couple of nights of sleep with no sleep aid this week...first time in about 6 weeks!

114. For a daughter who wakes up peppy!

115. For more writing opportunities and more motivation for writing.

Book Review Friday: Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

2012-01-06T11:18:00.000-08:00

At the close of December, I finished one of the best books I've read all year: Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand. I picked up this book because I had heard it was an unbelievable survival story, as well as one of the best-reviewed nonfiction books of the year.

Louis Zamperini, an Italian-American Olympic runner turned U.S. airman in World War II's Pacific theater, endures countless debilitating catastrophes and attacks on his mind, body and soul. Any one of these events would kill an ordinary person.

First off, Zamperini, on an air run in a shaky, dilapidated plane, crashes into the Pacific Ocean. He survives with only two other airmen from his crew. They endure at sea for 47 days with nothing to eat but a few bites of chocolate and whatever they can catch and eat raw, and nothing to drink except a small amount of stowed-away water and rain. It seems impossible that two of the three survive, drifting thousands of miles across shark-infested ocean, enduring strafing Japanese bombers, until they finally drift onto dry land...only to be captured and placed in a concentration camp.

When he is captured, Zamperini is already wasting away from hunger and thirst, but his troubles are only beginning. Hillenbrand documents the long-term abuse that Zamperini suffers under a sadistic prison guard known as "The Bird." Despite the horrifying situation into which he was placed, however, somehow Louis is still able to keep going, enduring hunger, beatings, torture, emotional distress, illness.

Yet, what really breaks this "Unbroken" man is his rescue and return home. Once the years of stress, abuse, and deprivation are over, he finds his mind fighting against him. Louis suffers from PTSD and alcohol abuse. He marries impulsively and it is a disaster. He can't seem to pull his life together. He is a broken man at last.

This is where Zamperini's story takes an unexpected (for me) turn to faith. Because I did not know, prior to reading this book, that his healing was to come through conversion to faith in Christ, the full impact of that healing hit me powerfully. I was brought to tears. This man who had endured so much, only to be broken psychologically, was put back together again in Christ.

This was the most spiritually significant story that I have read in years, particularly from a secular publisher. I found myself wondering if God allowed Zamperini to endure so many trials in order to draw a stubborn man to faith. God has unusual ways of wooing us at times.

This book starts off a bit slow, particularly for those without technical knowledge related to airplanes and other elements of warfare. However, it quickly turns into an intensely riveting personal story. Although I enjoy reading history books for personal enrichment, I often find myself taking a long time to finish them. This book was the exception. I read it fast, unable to put it down. Highly recommended.

multitudes on monday (106-110)

2012-01-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

It's the first Multitudes post of the year!

106. The past month has been rich with wonderful memories, but also trying because I have been battling insomnia again. And yet, even in the sometimes fog of sleeplessness, God's mercies are new every morning! He sustains me when I have had a rough night and He fills me with joy when I sleep well.

107. My daughter's growing kindness and compassion. When she came in to my room this morning, the first thing she said to me was, "Did you have a bad night, Mom?" And I was happy to tell her I hadn't!

108. Wonderful family time playing board games with Christopher and Burrito this weekend.

109. The people in my life who "speak a word in season," a word of encouragement.

110. A great pep talk from my Mom this weekend.

Thanks be to God!

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #1 One Year Anniversary of Dad's Death

2012-01-02T15:59:00.000-08:00

For the next few days, I will be posting 10 most popular Flathead Mama posts of the year. I would like to invite you to take this chance to catch up on a good buzz-worthy post that you may missed. Please also drop a comment on the original post. I'd love to continue the conversation. If you found a post particularly useful to you, I'd love your help to get the word out about Flathead Mama: copy and paste the link and post to your Facebook page, Twitter about it, or post to a Pinterest profile.

Thanks and enjoy!
---------------------
I know at least one person who would be really excited about the top post of the year...my Dad. He died in February 24, 2009 and on the first anniversary of his death last year, I posted the text of my eulogy for him at his memorial service. This turned out to be the top post of the year!

My Dad would have been very impressed about this. People all of the world who we didn't even know were reading his story. Dad loved to talk and he loved attention (it's true). He also loved Jesus and would have enjoyed the chance to share his story with lots of people.

People found my blog many, many times this year by searching for "first anniversary of father's death." It was by far the most common search item leading people to Flathead Mama. This told me something important. It told me that all of us feel a little lost on the anniversary of our loved one's death, especially the first anniversary. There is no societal ritual for us to engage in. There's no script for our remembrance. By the time the first year has rolled around, we are rather alone in our grief. People have begun to move on with their lives, and they have begun to assume that we have moved on too. But the truth is that the grieving process is on-going. It never really stops. It just becomes more internal, more settled deep down inside.

The people who found my blog this year may not have left a comment or said hello, but I hope that they found some comfort in my post about Dad. I hope that they felt that we are all in this together, this journey of grieving. I hope they felt a little less alone.

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #2 The Angry Trout and Trout Chowder

2012-01-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #3 Multitudes on Monday

2011-12-31T21:31:00.000-08:00

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #4 BBQ Pulled Pork Pizza

2011-12-31T14:23:00.000-08:00

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #5 A Toddler CAN Get Something Out of Church

2011-12-31T08:54:00.000-08:00

For the next few days, I will be posting 10 most popular Flathead Mama posts of the year. I would like to invite you to take this chance to catch up on a good buzz-worthy post that you may missed. Please also drop a comment on the original post. I'd love to continue the conversation. If you found a post particularly useful to you, I'd love your help to get the word out about Flathead Mama: copy and paste the link and post to your Facebook page, Twitter about it, or post to a Pinterest profile.

Thanks and enjoy!
---------------------
The #5 most popular post of the year shared lots of tips on taking your toddler to church. I'm a big believer in the value of having your kids in church next to you, instead of relegated to children's church or the church nursery. I think the teaching power of seeing Mom and Dad actively worshiping in church is very important. It communicates to the kids that Mom and Dad think this is important--not that they just say it's important. But bringing a toddler to church introduces its' own challenges. People are always telling me how exhausting it is to haul their kids to church and how tough it is to keep them calm. I'm with you, tired Moms and Dads...I'm in the trenches too. It is exhausting some days. But I really think it's worth it. And I hope this post helps provide some tips.

P.S. If you're worried about your little one's noise at church, older folks are always telling me how much they love those baby and toddler sounds. A church without them sounds a bit lonely.

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #6 How I Came to be a Stay-at-home Mommy in Montana

2011-12-29T16:39:00.000-08:00

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #7 The Berenstain Bears and Father as Dunce

2011-12-29T11:08:00.000-08:00

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #8 Anniversary

2011-12-29T06:45:00.000-08:00

top book recommendations of 2011

2011-12-28T18:25:00.000-08:00

This year has been a year of voracious reading (thank you, Flathead Library!). I’ve always appreciated the recommendations of other serious readers, so I would like to share with you my top book recommendations from a year of reading…

Fiction

The Hunger Games—This Young Adult novel by Suzanne Collins was one of the most capturing, can't-put-it-down books I read this year. The plot is mesmerizing, dark and troubling—and yet not too explicit (not a single curse word or sex scene), owing to its status as a YA book.

In case you have been living in a cave and don’t know the story: Katniss Everdeen lives in the apocalyptic world of Panem, in District 12. To punish the people of Panem for past revolts, each year their rulers of the Capitol draw two names of tweens/teens from each district. The youths chosen are entered in the Hunger Games, a televised fight to-the-death competition. Each Hunger Games leaves only one survivor.

When Katniss’ little sister, Prim’s, name is drawn, she self-sacrificially volunteers to take her place. Meanwhile, Peeta, a local boy who has been in love with Katniss for years is also chosen. He must go into the Games against the girl who he loves. Oh, the tension! Katniss’ love for Prim and Peeta’s love for Katniss form a stark contrast to their world of senseless violence. The twists and turns in the plot are constant. But the real pull of the story is the constant moral dilemmas thrust before the characters. For me, the plot called to mind current reality TV with its shameless embrace of entertainment at the cost of emotional violence to others (see The Bachelor or Big Brother, for instance). Might our own culture one day turn to killing as entertainment as well (the ancient Romans did)? The Real Housewives suicide this year may be the start.

I also read the next two books in the Trilogy: Catching Fire (The Second Book of the Hunger Games) and Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, Book 3) and while they were very good, neither captured me as much as The Hunger Games. I am eagerly anticipating the movie and think (despite the critics) that Jennifer Lawrence is the perfect actress to play Katniss. If you have seen her scrappy, tough performance in Winter's Bone you know why.

Once Upon a River: A Novel—The great American novel finds its home with author Bonnie Jo Campbell. In her captivating central character, Margo Crane, we have a female Huck Finn, voyaging down the river as she grows into her own skin and comes of age.

I had the pleasure of seeing Bonnie Jo Campbell speak this year at Missoula’s Festival of the Book. She said that in a previous book Margo Crane had been a side character, but her character was the one people (especially men!) were always asking about: a beautiful, silent teenage girl who lived a hardscrabble life on the river, trapped animals, and was a perfect shot with a rifle (in retrospect, she reminds me in spirit of the fierce Katniss Everdeen).

Margo’s father is killed in an act of violence related to her molestation by an uncle, so she flees from her family on a small boat on the Stark River of Michigan, taking off to look for her mother. Along the way, she meets a variety of men who all fall in love (or in lust) with her. Margo is a sad character in all she has had to endure, but a courageous one in her ability to survive and her imperviousness to the pressure to be anything but herself. Yet, she is locked in a world of silence and utterly bereft of community. Finally, the person who helps bring her out of her shell somewhat is an unlikely friend: a crusty old codger in a wheelchair, elderly and dying. This book called to mind Winter's Bone for me as well; it must be the year of the fierce heroine in literature and film. Once Upon a River is an American masterpiece worthy of re-reading over and over.

Room: A Novel—In this dread-filled, tenderness-infused novel by Emma Donoghue, our narrator is the 5-year old son of an abduction victim and her abductor. It reminded me of the Jaycee Duggard story and brilliantly portrayed the power of a mother’s love in the midst of the worst of circumstances. Despite my worries that the five year old voice would be gimmicky, instead I found it an effective way to communicate innocence and gentleness in the midst of a savage situation. And the biggest surprise of the book was the way the drama actually heated up once the tiny family was rescued. Unforgettable.

Nonfiction

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks—In 1951, a poor black woman from the south named Henrietta Lacks died from aggressive cervical cancer at the age of 30. Without her consent, cells were taken from her tumor, named HeLa by scientists, and reproduced over and over again. They were the first immortal cells ever grown, and they still exist, used in countless scientific experiments over the years. Not only were their impact on research immense, but the vast number of cells boggles the mind: enough to weigh 50 million metric tons. But the unknowing donor of all of these cells is buried in an unmarked grave and no one from her family ever benefited from the large sums of money her cells yielded.

Rebecca Skloot brings together Henrietta’s story, her family’s story, and modern-day medical science’s story in a captivating mix. I felt the real pathos and pain that the neglect of Henrietta’s wishes and of her family brought. I was perhaps most touched by the friendship that developed between Skloot and Henrietta’s daughter, Deborah. And I was brought to wonder and worry about what is being done with my information and cell matter without my consent, even in this day of medical advancement.

Lincoln's Melancholy: How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness—This first-rate historical psychological profile by Joshua Shenk is a few years old, but it was influential enough in my thinking this year that it got its own blog post about the impact of depression on leadership and accomplishment. I was deeply encouraged by this hero of history, who allowed his deep inner troubles to mold him into greatness. I appreciated the opportunity to see Lincoln through the course of his life and how his reaction to depression changed, although the depression itself did not really go away permanently. Every person who has battled depression should read this book.

A First-Rate Madness: Uncovering the Links Between Leadership and Mental Illness—This book by Nassir Ghaemi was partially based on Shenk’s book; Ghaemi and Shenk are reportedly friends. I actually found Lincoln’s Melancholy to be the better book; it contained far more research, depth, and ability to analyze its own argument from the other side than did A First-Rate Madness. However, this is still an important book.

Ghaemi’s thesis is that in trying times (such as our own), we need leaders who are a little “different,” leaders who suffer from moderate mental illnesses such as depression and bipolar disorder. He says that the empathy, resilience, and realism found in depressives and the creativity and imperviousness to criticism found in bipolar individuals are especially well-suited leadership traits for times of crisis. By contrast, he suggests that the emotionally balanced individual is best suited for national seasons of peace. I found his argument fascinating and wondered what it suggested for the current presidential race; after all, if we were to follow Ghaemi’s thesis, we should seek out leaders like Newt Gingrich or possibly even Ron Paul (surely the most creative of the candidates).

While I am encouraged by Ghaemi’s argument, I also find myself questioning it and wishing he had provided more self-critique. Just as a leader who is mentally “off-balance” may provide unique solutions in trying times, he or she may also blow up a government. I didn’t find the analysis of what made a Lincoln different from a Hitler ultimately meaningful or helpful. However, what I did find helpful was this unique way of looking at leadership, as well as Ghaemi’s questioning of what the “mental normalcy” really counts for anyway. For example, if a person is optimistic to the point of being unrealistic about the challenges ahead, he or she may be labeled “normal,” while a depressive who sees with realism would be labeled “not normal.” Ghaemi questions whether our labels are ultimately helpful and I think he makes an excellent point that another look should be taken at what constitutes normalcy.

This book is flawed but its argument is important enough and stayed with me enough that I still include it in my list of most recommended books from the past year.

A Stolen Life: A Memoir—I was both dreading and looking forward to reading this account of abduction and life in captivity by Jaycee Duggard. Although the stories of sexual abuse, neglect, manipulation, and abject loneliness are horrifying and nauseating, I was left with admiration for a new hero. I cannot imagine how this young woman managed to survive, managed to love and raise two daughters, managed to simply raised her head each day. But she did. She is a model of resilience and toughness with a tender, gentle heart. This book is raw and honest and sorrowful...but most of all, it is brave. Powerful reading for anyone who has suffered adversity., but especially those who have suffered abuse. I particularly appreciated her honesty about her ongoing recovery. Her survival is a triumph of uncommon resilience and bravery.

Brave Girl Eating: A Family's Struggle with Anorexia—This book is a mother’s account of her daughter’s battle with anorexia. It opened my eyes to what it is like inside anorexia. Harriet Brown’s descriptions are vivid and empathetic. The book helped me to understand that the anorexic is actually obsessed with food, desperately wanting to eat, but absolutely terrified to do so. As someone who has struggled with other irrational anxieties and compulsions, I think I can empathize with the heart of what this disorder is about. And as a mother I can also empathize with the fear and anger when something is ripping apart your beloved child. Despite the fearful descriptions of anorexia, this book provides a lot of hope. Although anorexia will always be something Kitty (Harriet Brown's daughter) struggles with, recovery is possible and her daughter has already experienced a lot of it. The Browns come to find family-based treatment is most effective for their daughter and the information they provide would be immeasurably helpful to any family who has a loved one struggling with this disorder. I also wish that every pastor, counselor and teacher would read this book. I would highly recommend it to any family who needs advice now about a child who is wasting away before their eyes.

Christian Books

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are—I would describe this book as life-changing and I have written at length about the effect it had on my life. As you know, I participate in the Multitudes on Monday blog link-up and share weekly the blessings God has given me. What I appreciated most about this book was that it was not a sunny Pollyannish volume of glib answers. Ann Voskamp has suffered and suffered big—losing a sister as a child, battling depression. She has banged hard into the questions that life brings us and the whys that we bring to God. And that is why her poetic revelations about thanksgiving are so meaningful. She has “been there and done that.” We can trust her. I got a copy of this book for Christmas and I plan to mark it up and read it over and over.

Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children—This is another older book, but it was the best book I read on parenting last year, so I had to include it. After confronting disappointing parenting books that focused overly on spanking and Biblical proof-texting (as opposed to a broad Biblical view of parenting), this book was a breath of fresh air. It provided strong and helpful guidance from the big-picture view of parenting. It helped me to reinforce some core convictions I already had about parenting (such as the idea that the pain of discipline may hurt but is not ultimately harmful). I think spanking might have been mentioned in passing but it did not figure prominently in the book and other discipline methods were emphasized far more.

Unplanned: The Dramatic True Story of a Former Planned Parenthood Leader's Eye-Opening Journey across the Life Line (Focus on the Family Books)—This account of a Planned Parenthood clinic director’s journey to conversion and embrace of the pro-life movement should shape the future of pro-life activism. Abby Johnson emphasizes the importance that the loving prayer and witness of Christians had on her conversion. There was also divine intervention: a kairos moment when her eyes were opened to see the reality of what abortion is. But without the loving witness of Christians, she would have had nowhere to go when she decided to leave Planned Parenthood. She emphasizes the importance of showing caring concern for one’s adversaries on the other side of the abortion fence. Those who carried placards of aborted fetuses only drove her deeper into the pro-choice movement. But those who deeply cared for her and tried to do all they could to help her made a life-changing difference. I also very much appreciated Johnson’s gracious recognition that so many of the people who work at Planned Parenthood are compassionate people who care about women and want to make a difference. This is vastly different from the caricatures often painted of clinic workers in conservative circles. I appreciated Johnson’s acknowledgment of positive motives, even if the actions are unwise and finally harmful.

Well, that’s it for me. Undoubtedly when I post this list, I will realize that I have forgotten a very important book somewhere down the line! But to the best of my ability, these are my most recommended books from last year’s reading. Please join in the conversation and share your recommendations as well in the comments section below!

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #9 From 331 to 231 Pounds

2011-12-28T15:20:00.000-08:00

Most Popular Posts of the Year: #10 First Communion at Age 2

2011-12-28T12:57:00.000-08:00

multitudes on monday (101-105)

2011-12-26T13:42:00.000-08:00

Today I give thanks to God for:

101. The joy of books. In seminary, too much ponderous and pointless reading nearly stole my love of books from me. But in recent years, it has revived. I give thanks too for the blessing of public libraries! And ebooks!

102. For a daughter who got two candy canes (which she adores) in her stocking and whose first response was to turn to me and say, "One for you...". And for the joy of receiving the first gift she picked out herself for me.

103. The joy of seeing our church full on Christmas and the blessing of being so proud of my husband's delivery of the Gospel.

104. The blessing of a quiet day at home on Christmas with the ones I love most.

105. The goodness of a God who is present for those friends who lost a loved one this Christmas...the Baby born in Bethlehem does not mean sparkly parties so much as He means life and salvation...and hope, even beyond the grave.

What are you thankful for today?

the manger and the "perfect" christmas

2011-12-23T14:54:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I have all kinds of crazy expectations for a "perfect" Christmas. On a perfect Christmas, every member of my family should be in a good mood. Heck, they should be positively sweet and charming. I should never have a case of the "Christmas grouchies." I should never have to deal with family conflicts. I should give and receive the perfect presents. I should do endless amounts of baking and supply not only family and friends but picturesque, perfect culinary creations, but I should also give them to those who are alone. I should have gorgeous buffet, worthy of magazine photography, on Christmas morning .

But growing up, I experienced a lot of conflict over the holidays. There was a lot of pain. It got to where I began to dread the holidays. (And sometimes I still have carry-over feelings: why even get excited for Christmas when something awful will happen?) Two years ago, my dad went into Hospice over the holidays (and, believe me, that is a phone call you don't want to get any time of the year).

None of us want to experience anything less than perfection at the Holidays. We don't want the death of a loved one. We don't want depression. We don't want a divorce. We don't want a family feud. We don't want the diagnosis of a serious illness. It breaks our hearts. Can't just this one season of the year be magical?

We see the shiny images of people on TV advertisements, smiling, laying out perfect table spreads, kissing, getting engaged, having perfect families, having perfectly dressed children...and it just rings false. But we dare not mention our private pain to others. Who wants to be the downer at the party when asked if we are having a good Christmas? Who wants to answer, "No, I'm not. My heart is breaking this year."

Well, there is one family at the very first Christmas that definitely did not have a perfect day: Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus. Let's face it, this group of peasants would have felt out-of-place at the lavish galas held in honor of Christmas these days. Imagine traveling for several days on a donkey while nine months pregnant. Imagine people whispering that you were unfaithful to your fiance--or perhaps that both of you had "gotten together" out of wedlock. Imagine feeling that everything was going wrong; just when you wanted to be home in your own bed, Caesar calls for a census! And the birthplace of this Little One who changed the world forever?--A barn. His first bed?--A feed trough, a manger. In this of all places, Mary and Joseph brought the Greatest Being to ever take on flesh and blood into the world. To be born amongst the squalor of animals, to be feet away from their droppings, to have nobody have enough room for you lie inside on your first night on earth...this is who Jesus is.

We forget this. We forget that the very reason Jesus came was that our world is so very imperfect. We forget their our illnesses and deaths and conflicts and inner pain are the very reason He left the beauty of heaven to become mortal, to become one of us. He didn't have to do it...unless you take into account that God is Love. And Love cannot help but pour itself out for the other.

Jesus came because we are so broken and we need to be healed. He came because sin so infects our soul that we needed to be freed. The only way to do this was to go to the cross for us. Yes, that sweet baby lying in the manger had one objective in mind: To grow only about as old as I am today, and then to die on the cross, taking all the evil and brokenness and sin of the whole world on His shoulders so that you and I could be freed.

If you ever worry that you are not having a perfect Christmas, if you ever worry that you are shut out from the perfect celebration you think everyone else is having (they're not!), remind yourself that the very first Christmas was very imperfect too. It's not about having the perfect celebration. Yes, we celebrate in the grandest way we can, because we celebrate to honor the King who has done so much for us. But as we celebrate, we must never forget that the meaning of this word, Incarnation (God becoming human for us) is that Jesus has sunk so deep down into our flesh and bone that our brokenness has become His, and His new life has become ours. The new life He gives is as fresh and filled with hope as the first cry of a brand new baby. Suddenly, the future looks bright...alive...filled with possibility. For we do not just have hope for this life, but also hope for the life to come.

I give thanks that Jesus understands my brokenness. That He has entered fully into it. That He is compassionate and full of mercy towards me, and towards you.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, intrigued by the concept of faith from the outside, never having experienced it from the inside, then feel this Jesus moving in your heart today. Jesus said in John 6:44, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him." So, if you feel that tug in your heart, that gift of faith, you can know that it is from God. Romans 10 says, "if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (verse 9). Verse 13 promises, "'Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'"

What a gift! What a promise! He came for you...In your unemployment. In your marital struggles. In your depression. In your illness. In your loss of a loved one. In your struggle with the wrong things in your heart. He came for you. Thanks be to God!

multitudes on monday (96-100)--and not succumbing to the "Pinterest mindset"

2011-12-19T12:51:00.000-08:00

I have been rather neglectful of my Multitudes posts lately. I think part of the reason for this is that it is difficult not to succumb to the "Pinterest mindset" that uses posts of gratitude as a way of self-promotion. It should be about God, not about me. It should be about His blessings in my life, not my attempt at a picture-perfect self-image. I need to read One Thousand Gifts about a million more times and try to get this through my thick skull!

I do think that sometimes it is easier to be thankful in a God-focused way when things are tough, rather than when things are good. When things are tough, we are forced to lean hard on God and we notice the way He daily sustains us, because we know that without Him we would not make it through the day. But in good times, we are likely to think it's all about us. We are likely to think that any good we have in our lives is simply because we produced a perfect, well-ordered, beautiful life. But all beauty is from God. And all beauty points us to Him. But how slow we are to realize this. Or at least I am!

With that said, here are my attempts to give thanks to God, publicly before you all. What are you grateful for this week?

96. A breakthrough in understanding the doctrine of election (the teaching that God chooses and draws to Himself those who come to faith in Him). My vision of who God is is transformed. I give thanks to God for the blessing of studying Romans 9-11 in detail, even though I will never fully fathom its depths. (I plan to write more on what the breakthrough was in the future.)

97. The blessing of my congregation's "Beyond our Walls" committee. What a joy to hang out with other Christians who are excited about reaching out to our community!

98. That my daughter has been really getting the Christmas story learned this Advent season! Working with the ebook Truth in the Tinsel has really helped with introducing her to the Christmas story. Now, instead of just playing Cinderella and Belle, she is playing Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus!

99. For the blessings of our congregation in general. We moved into town almost exactly a year ago now. It was the evening of last year's Christmas cantata. So when I sat at the cantata this year, I found myself getting tears in my eyes thinking about how I didn't know any of the people who were singing yet last year and now so many of them are dear to my heart. So much has happened in one year!

100. For a year of SO MUCH HEALING! There's more to do, but God has brought me and our family so far! And for this I say, thanks be to God!

the blessedness of motherhood

2011-12-14T11:09:00.000-08:00

I remember when I was pregnant with Burrito how irksome I found so many of the symptoms. I felt "urpy" my whole pregnancy, tired most of the time, and Burrito laid on a nerve that ran down into my thigh for months. I started losing sleep in the last trimester as I couldn't get comfortable and Burrito loved to kick me hard. I couldn't take any medicine when I was sick or had a headache. I couldn't take too hot of a shower, eat lunchmeat, or drink a glass of wine. I got so sick of the deprivation. I was excited (and scared) about the new life that was on the way, but, sister, 9 months is a long time for deprivation!

And then Burrito was born and it was such a tough delivery, and then a c-section. Everything was hard at this point. I got so little sleep. Nursing hurt really bad (don't believe those Le Leche ladies who say, "If you're doing it right, it won't hurt! Baloney!"). I felt overwhelmed all the time. I felt alone.

And I found myself resenting the fact that there were aspects of motherhood that my husband could not share with me. There was no taking turns in pregnancy and nursing. There was no taking turns in the deprivations of motherhood. When we got married, like most modern couples, we had the idea that we would cut our responsibilities down the middle and each take half of the burden. But in the early, intense days of child-bearing, there is no way to do this. The burden rests heavily on the mother. Only she can do certain tasks.

And initially, only the mother is tuned into the child. After all, she has been connected to the baby for months and has gotten a head-start with bonding. The father cannot be blamed for this. When I was pregnant, my husband was very excited but had a disconnect with the reality of the baby growing within my womb. She scarcely seemed real to him until she was born. And then I found myself waking instantly when she cried in the night. Inexplicably, my husband was able to sleep through her cries early on. I was so biologically connected to Burrito that I couldn't understand this at all. In time, he caught up with the bonding I had already gotten done. Now, if Burrito wakes in the night, sometimes he wakes up before me and hears her first.

In the early days, we found ways for Christopher to try to share the burden that I was bearing in the midst of my exhaustion and recovery. When Burrito woke in need of a feeding as a newborn, he would go and get her, change her diaper and bring her to me. Then he would sleep while I nursed her and rise to take her back. This helped assuage the exhaustion a bit, but of course it could only go so far. He also made me a big fatty, protein-laced breakfast in the mornings (I had no idea how draining nursing could be). He did a lot of other things to help me. Still, I found it hard at times not to resent the unequal balance in our parenting. There was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He could not give birth to Burrito. He could not nurse her. It wasn't his fault, but still I found myself bumping up against my 50/50 idea of parenthood.

I think this resentment over our role as women is the primary reason that even after the advent of the ultrasound machine and advanced scientific knowledge of the womb, women persist in saying that when life begins in the womb is a matter for religion not science. The statement is clearly illogical. We now know that a baby's heart begins beating by week 6. By week 12, a baby has fingernails. At 18 weeks, the baby can hear. An ultrasound reveals a clearly real human being, moving about within the mother's womb. A being who has already been given life. Simply looking at the matter from a purely scientific, logical stand-point, without religious encumbrances, it is clear that life begins in the womb very early. The pro-choicer's persistence in pursuing broad abortion rights despite our modern scientific knowledge flies in the face of reason. It reveals the strong, under-girding resentment that many women (perhaps all of us at one time or another?) feel at having the burden of child-bearing laid on our shoulders. We say that life begins when we say it does because we want this to be true. We do not want to have a responsibility so heavy and so strong that we cannot escape it. Not only this, but not every woman has a loving husband who would take on more of the burden of motherhood if only he could. No, there are times when the burden of motherhood is forcibly laid on the shoulders of women through rape or perhaps, less traumatically, through the failure of birth control. We shake our fingers at our state. It's not fair! Why should we have to bear this burden? Why should we have to endure deprivation, pain, exhaustion in a way a man can never understand? And so, we decide to ignore reality in an attempt to escape our fate. We decide to pretend that little one in our womb is just a mass of tissues and not a real life.

In the midst of my pregnancy, I happened to read a Christian book that dealt with healthy remedies to be used while with child. Early in the book, the author talked about the blessing of pregnancy. I remember having a light bulb moment when I read this passage. I was eager to have my baby, but I was so deeply frustrated with what I--and I alone--had to endure to get to this point. The author of the book pointed out that a man can never experience the miraculousness of giving birth. He can never feel the wonder of a living being moving within him. He cannot bear life into the world. And of course, he also cannot experience the wonder of the bonding that comes about through nursing. He does not experience the strong emotional connection that this produces between mother and child. He does not know the awe of sustaining life from his own body.

I know I am drawing in broad strokes here and I know that some women cannot--or should not--carry a baby in their womb. Some women cannot nurse their little one. I mean no disrespect to these ladies. God gives us each different calls and theirs is certainly equally important, just as the call of father is equally important to that of mother. And even when a woman cannot or should not engage in child-bearing, she is still given a unique maternal ability that is different from that of a man. All that is real. But, broadly speaking, what I am saying is true of women. We have the unique burden--and the unique gift--of the connection to our child through child-bearing and nursing. We can choose to look at it as a hassle, or as a uniquely supreme privilege.

At Christmastime, I think of Mary, who bore the greatest burden when it came to a child: the burden of being and unwed teen mother who everyone would assume was promiscuous. This was not her choice to be pregnant. It was thrust upon her, despite her status as a virgin. It was not even something she tried to be open to. It simply happened to her. Not only did she have to experience the pain and frustrations of delivery--not to mention travel on a donkey late in pregnancy, but she had to endure ridicule by her community. How embarrassing and burdensome her state! But what did she say? "Let it be unto to me according to Your will."

I still struggle with the "inequality" of motherhood as I look into the future and wonder if God will give our family more children. But I have the choice to focus on either the suffering or the miracle. I hope if I am ever pregnant again, I will be able to choose the miracle more often when in those early intense days.

dinner tonight: sweet potato shepherd's pie

2011-12-01T17:12:00.000-08:00

As with most of my recipes, this one came about with excess produce in my fridge and the need for inventiveness!

SWEET POTATO SHEPHERD'S PIE

For the topping:
3 medium-large sweet potatoes, cubed
3/4 cup milk
2 TBS butter

For the pie filling:
20 oz. ground turkey
1 onion, chopped
6 stalks celery, chopped
1 1/2 cups carrots, chopped
1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1 cup light sour cream
Salt and pepper, to taste

Cook the cubed sweet potatoes in boiling water 20 minutes or until fork tender. Mash together with butter and milk until fairly smooth.

Salt and pepper the ground turkey and then brown it in a few teaspoons of olive oil. Remove meat from frying pan and drain any fat. Add a few more teaspoons of olive oil and saute the onion, celery and carrots until tender and onion is translucent. Add ground turkey back in, along with spices and sour cream. Combine and spread this mixture evenly in a large casserole dish. Smoothly spread mashed sweet potatoes across the top. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until hot and bubbly.

Enjoy! This is a savory and delicious winter weeknight meal!

christians are fighting the wrong battles

2011-12-01T13:29:00.000-08:00

A big issue in the Flathead Valley during the past few months has been contention over whether a large Jesus Statue in Whitefish, MT, erected about 50 years ago by Knights of Columbus World War II veterans, could remain on the U.S Forest Service land it currently occupies. The Freedom from Religion organization, which is based out of Wisconsin, has been the primary group attempting to get rid of the statue, due to concerns over the separation of church and state. This has Christians in the Flathead Valley up in arms about the attacks of the "godless unbelievers."

Let me start by saying, I am definitely pro-Jesus (obviously!) and it sounds like the statue had a good purpose. Although I have also heard rumors of partying that took place around the statue, that doesn't take away from the good purpose in putting up the statue to begin with. I think the attacks against it are silly and not very helpful to unity in our country. Perhaps we could all consider the sacred act of serving in war and give a little when it comes to what our soldiers found comforting when they returned home. Tearing down or moving the statue does seem to be in poor taste and not very respectful of our soldiers' service.

However. I am really befuddled by the way Christians are acting about the whole thing. They have gotten their eyes completely off of our mission as Christians. To them, the battle is to defend ourselves against those who want to take our way of life away from us. It's Christians vs. godless heathen.

I look at the whole thing and see some atheists who are being unfair, but who also need the love of Christians who love the real Jesus more than a statue on a hill. What about how the Apostle Paul told us that to him, all the things that were considered religious glory in the past were now loss to him, in light of being able to know Christ, the fellowship of His sufferings, His resurrection? Was Paul talking about a statue of Jesus--or the actual Jesus?

I'm not suggesting we just become politically correct. But I do think, we need to let go of battles that are not nearly as important as showing God's love and communicating the Gospel. Most atheists are convinced that Christians are nothing but hateful, closed-minded idiots. My response to that is: show them wrong! Go out there and love atheists! Talk intelligently to them. Don't give for a moment on your core beliefs that we are all sinners in need of a Savior, but act like you realize you too are a sinner who needs a Savior! Be humble!

The world will not rise or fall on whether a Jesus statue remains on a mountainside. What the world will live or die by is whether they come to a saving faith in Jesus. This will not be accomplished by snide, sarcastic newspaper opinion letters (and we have had quite a few lately). This will not be accomplished by rallies of people surrounding a statue and claiming their rights. This will be accomplished by people who know their hope is in heaven, not in a statue. A real witness is not found through a piece of art, but through people who are living poiemas or "masterpieces" created in Christ Jesus and given faith in order to do good in a broken world (Ephesians 2:8-10).

Sure, the world is often unfair to Christians. They see the bad eggs and blame us all. They try to push us out of the public square. They fail to see the good that we do, the caring for our neighbor, the hungry, the sick, the unwed mother. They accuse us of not caring about those things. (And of course, sometimes we deserve the criticism, but we get it whether we do or not.) My response is: so what? What else did you expect from a broken world that needs Jesus? Do you think you find Christians who are being persecuted in communist China complaining about how horribly unfair unbelievers are to them? No, to the contrary, they ask not for prayers for the persecution to stop but rather for prayers that they may be a witness in the midst of persecution. They don't claim their rights; they follow Jesus. They aren't surprised when they are persecuted; they look at it as an opportunity to show God's love.

We Christians have got to stop claiming our rights. We have got to start focusing instead on how to bring God's light to a lost world. We have got to stop thinking the world owes us a certain standard of treatment. We need to start forgiving when we are treated badly. Maybe then the world might sit up and take notice and ask us for "the reason of the hope within us." And even if they don't, they won't be able to use us for an excuse anymore to disbelieve in God.

We Christians have been fighting the wrong battles. Ephesians 6 tells us our battle is not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces in the heavenly realms. Let's start living like that's true.

what insomnia feels like

2011-11-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

It hit again last week. The dreaded insomnia. Ever since August of 2009, when the sleeplessness was at its worst (4 nights without sleep, followed by me giving a sermon at the largest service we had all year), I have had periodic bouts of it. None of them as bad as that first one, because I am able to take steps to rectify things sooner. But still very difficult.

This time, it hit on Monday night. I was innocently making my way down into the kitchen late at night and spied a mouse on the kitchen floor. When he saw me, he flew into the cupboard.

This was all it took to upset my sleep equilibrium. I have a real phobia of mice. We've had them before in other houses where we lived and they would eat through packages of food, poop all over everything, and even run up the stairs. My worst fear is to find one crawling on me in the night.

I got jittery and felt the creepy crawlies all over me. I couldn't get to sleep. Everything in town was closed when we found the mouse and we had no traps.

To a normal person, finding a mouse would bother them, but not set them completely off their game. To my friends, my hysteria was a bit amusing, until they realized I really was a mess from lack of sleep. I have real trouble whenever my nighttime routine or sense of security is threatened. Even sleeping in a hotel room can set me off. It's pretty frustrating. My husband was bothered by the mouse, but not enough to have his sleep affected. I get pretty jealous of that ability.

We tried to make our own sticky glue that night. Inhumane, yes. But I was desperate. However, we only succeeded in burning it to the bottom on the pan and leaving pock marks of porcelain-like glue on our stove.

So, seeing my distress, Christopher took off for Walmart, a half hour's drive away. He got a bunch of traps of all kinds and set them. But the damage was already done for my sleep. I was so worked up, I could barely get to sleep. I didn't sleep much that night. I was so tired the next day, I let Burrito sit in bed with me and watch cartoons much of the day. The next night, I think I slept even less, so in the morning, it was more of the same.

When I don't sleep, I don't just feel a bit fatigued. My whole body hurts. It aches. I feel pressure on my heart. My thought processes move slowly. I can't keep a thought in my head. On the plus side, I don't find myself obsessing over anxieties like I often do. But on the negative side, this is simply because I can't seem to think.

Finally, on the third night, I gave in and took a sleeping pill. Unfortunately, I was thinking so poorly, I first took my antidepressant at night (too much of it in one day can rev me up). So, I was pretty screwed up, but did manage to sleep a bit that night.

On Thanksgiving, I was still feeling like a bit of a zombie, but we did manage to have a nice day with our friends. I was glad to have at least some sleep under my belt. Slowly, I have managed to get back to full night sleeps this week and am feeling more normal.

Insomnia can be a very serious thing. It puts pressure on your body in ways that really aren't healthy. It causes physical and emotional pain. But there is a way back from insomnia. I know what to do now. Take a pill (as low a dose as possible) to restore equilibrium (and then get off it relatively quickly). Establish a routine at night and stick to it as much as possible. Cover the clock so as to not obsess over the time of the night and how I REALLY REALLY MUST GET TO SLEEP NOW! And I have found a glass of red wine at night to be helpful, but I realize this may not work for everyone.

I'm back on the right track again. But we still haven't caught that mouse.

I am getting more ok with it though.

multitudes on monday (91-95)

2011-11-28T19:54:00.000-08:00

Here's what I'm thankful for today:

91. Potty training success...at long last! I'm starting to see the light at the end of the potty training tunnel! And imagining things like easier travel...no having to find a suitable place to change a diaper! Thank you, God, for helping Burrito through such a big and important transition and please continue to help her to learn.

92. The blessing of so many sales last week that helped us stretch our lowered Christmas budget farther, not to mention that helped provide some things that we needed for the house affordably.

93. The glow on my daughter's face as she watched the Nutcracker this weekend. She later closed her eyes and said, "I see dancers on my eyes!"

94. Good friends to spend Thanksgiving with. I think so often how the Bible says, "God sets the lonely in families." I don't think it just means biological families.

95. The joy of setting up the Christmas tree...and the most anticipation I've felt for the holidays in years. My weary soul is starting to (slowly) heal. And sharing joy with my daughter and husband is the greatest gift in my life, other than, of course, the gift of Christmas: Jesus.

What are YOU thankful for today?

dispatches from the potty training edge

2011-11-25T18:50:00.000-08:00

This past week, we began attempting potty training again, after a several month break. I have written before about the difficulty of potty training. Despite many assurances from family and friends that Burrito would not be wearing diapers at her high school graduation, I was skeptical. She seemed to not understand what it was all about. And if she did understand, she was pretty unwilling to try. So, I tried pushing it hard. I tried backing off. I tried a few days with her mostly in big girl underwear. To no avail. Even promises of rewards did nothing. Some people told me she should be potty trained by now. Some said, don't even bother to try if she's not ready. The doctor said it was ok that she wasn't there yet (to my relief!). Some people said take away the Pull-ups. Some didn't. There's a lot of advice out there and it can be confusing and fill you with self-doubt when you try to potty train your child.

But I am here to announce that FOR THE FIRST TIME...Houston, we have MAJOR progress! I seriously am currently feeling like a rockstar Mommy.

So, about a week ago, I decided it was time to try again. I gave her some choices: did she want stickers on a chart or on her shirt? For some reason, she was super interested in a potty chart. I found one here that she really liked. I liked how it emphasized both the need to keep diaper dry (and avoid a frown face) and go on the potty (and get a smiley face sticker). I also added the reward of chocolate chips. This was the reward that she picked last time we tried. She almost never got any that time though, because she didn't earn them. It was so frustrating for her, and her lack of success made her want to try even less. I felt bad for her. I knew she really wanted the chocolate chips but simply couldn't seem to pull off pottying.

Well, this time it has been clicking for her. One thing I didn't emphasize before was the need to keep the diaper dry and I think getting that concept in her head has made a difference. We started reading It's Potty Time-Girls (Time To...). I really liked how the book emphasized the need to stay clean and dry. She really liked how the book had a button that made a flushing sound, followed by a little girl giggling...and giggling.

Another book that was a big hit was How to Potty Train Your Monster. It is fully of amusing little jokes for both parents and kids. Burrito's favorites were when the monster likes to eat a book on the potty and when he eats his bedtime story...and, of course, the closing line that says the best part about potty training is "MONSTER UNDERWEAR!" My favorite was the reassuring joke that although most monsters are ready to be potty trained by age 200 or 300, some particularly stubborn monsters don't learn until 400! Whew! She has been loving having this book read to her on the potty and sometimes has had us read several it times a day. Kind of exhausting for Mom and Dad, but at least it is a silly and fun read, even if we have it almost memorized now. And honestly, does the line, "MONSTER UNDERWEAR!" ever get old?

So, anyway, she began to do it! We still have a ways to go with the more difficult of the bodily functions, but it is tremendous how much progress she has made. She started out going at least once a day. As she discovered that she kept earning chocolate chips, stickers and lots of praise, she began to start going multiple times a day. And then 5, 6, or 8 times a day! And today, for the first time, she kept her diaper dry ALL DAY! Did I mention I feel like a rock star Mommy?!

I am so proud of her, of her independence, of her learning. And so glad that on her graduation day I'm not gonna have to worry about a diaper change! Honestly, I'm gonna be too busy wiping tears...because I'm gonna miss her so much...

multitudes on monday (86-90)

2011-11-21T18:25:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for:

86. A wonderful weekend with hubby and daughter. Great family activities at home, a fun Art Walk in Bigfork, and then a great Daddy/daughter date to see the big tree get lit up in town.

87. A cheerful daughter today. So much singing!

88. Doing better selling MOPS raffle tickets than I expected, and enjoying good conversation with my friend.

89. A happy week of thankfulness ahead!

90. The excitement of planning for Christmas.

What are YOU thankful for today?

no "thanksgiving" without someone to thank

2011-11-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

You cannot have a secular Thanksgiving holiday.

I repeat, it is impossible to have a secular Thanksgiving holiday.

Now, I know that initially this sounds like nonsense. Obviously, lots of people who don't believe in God or actively practice any form of faith regularly gather for turkey and the fixings. They may even take a moment in their meal to hold hands and mention the things they are thankful for this year.

But what I want to argue is that the very act of "giving thanks" or "being thankful" suggests Someone to whom we are grateful. The very act of thanksgiving is like a prayer.

When we have good things in our lives, something within us wells up with joy and the longing to be grateful to Someone. This is a longing for God that has been given to us.

Of course, the secular emphasis of many holidays has been pushed lately. People want to participate in the fun of the holidays without the claim that believing in God would make on them. If God has been good to me and I am thankful to Him, perhaps I should interact in relationship with Him. Perhaps I should stop ignoring Him. Perhaps I should crack open that Bible. Perhaps I should start living my life in the way that it teaches.

So, we try to have our cake and eat it too. We try to enjoy the "fun" aspects of holidays without anything in our lives changing. We want to open presents on Christmas, set up a Christmas tree, and maybe even go to church on Christmas Eve. But we just want to feel inspirational "warm fuzzies." We don't want the preacher to challenge us. We don't want to think about the idea that a baby had to be born to save us from our sins.

This mindset is bleeding into Thanksgiving as well. For awhile, I have heard Thanksgiving called "Turkey Day." But this morning I saw a commercial, put out by Party City, that refers to Thanksgiving as "Football Feast." The idea for this blog post had already been percolating in my brain, and I said to myself, "Really? We're not giving thanks to anyone? We're just gorging ourselves and watching football!"

I have hope though. I still thank the vast majority of people feel thankful on Thanksgiving. I think the vast majority of people stop in the midst of the busyness of life and quietly whisper thanks. Even if they don't go to church. Even if faith doesn't play too big of a role in their lives. There is still that quiet thankful yearning, to tell Someone they appreciate all they have been given.

And that quiet yearning is a God-given opportunity. Next time a friend says to you, "I just feel so thankful for all my blessings," maybe you could stop and remind them that God is the One who has given all things to them, and that He loves them dearly.

I’m sharing my awesome with Momma Made It Look Easy and you can too.

multitudes on monday (81-85)

2011-11-14T10:42:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for:

81. Big snowflakes fluttering down and catching on the branches of the pine trees...and the first snowman of the season.

82. Morning glory muffins slathered in butter and living in a place where even cafes have good coffee.

83. More copy-editing work.

84. That my sick Burrito slept well last night.

85. For the beautiful cooperation of all of our church members at our annual church dinner.

where love comes from

2011-11-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

This week's episode of House was entitled "The Confession." In it, a man named Bob Harris is given a community service award but within hours engages in adultery and collapses in medical distress while with his mistress. His wife and community are unaware of his dalliance, but he becomes guilt-stricken. As the episode progresses, it appears that Bob needs a liver transplant from a living donor (a risky surgery at best). Because he is well-loved in the community, scores of people show up to get tested and see if they are a donor match. But Bob is filled with shame and decides he must confess to them his misdeeds before they donate an organ to him. He feels it is not fair to ask this sacrifice of them unless they know the true nature of the scoundrel to whom they are donating.

So, he publicly confesses not only his affair, but also other misdeeds. Cheating people. Stealing. Gambling. All but two people walk away, disgusted. And the two who remain are not matches.

There's more to the episode, of course, but this episode called to mind the question that is hidden deep down at the bottom of our psyche: "If someone really knew me, inside and out, including all of my sins and my ugly thoughts and everything about me that I am ashamed of, would they truly love me?" And beyond that, there is the niggling question, "If they don't know all of these things about me, can their love be genuine?"

In reality, it would be impossible to show someone every ugly thing about us that lies deep within. Absolute confession and honesty are impossible, because they can also be relationship-destroying and personality-destroying. Although we try to be as authentic and honest as possible, at the end of the day we cannot fully know another person's soul. We can get only so close, only so intimate. There is a part of us always hidden from the world's view and such is the alienation of being a sinful being.

But in answer to that first question, if it is possible to be fully known and still fully loved, the answer is yes. There is One Being who knows us completely and loves us entirely.

I remember the first time I realized that I Corinthians 13 is not first and foremost a description of the state of absolute love into which we are to work ourselves as human beings. No, it is first and foremost that state of being in which God exists. Have you ever read this chapter and replaced the word "love" with the word "Jesus"? It's transformative. You will never look at this chapter the same again. Rather than being a litany of my failings, I Corinthians 13 becomes a powerful poem of how this Jesus loves me. "We love because He first loved us."

How quickly I forget this truth. I search the Scriptures, I search my mind for the answers of how to whip myself up into a state of absolute love. As a sinful being, I cannot do this. I fall down in shame, realizing how loveless I am. I despair. And then God's love hits me between the eyes. "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

It hit me between the eyes this morning. I was despairing over my so often loveless state today. I wanted to read my Bible to find some answers, some moral motivation. And as she is wont to do, my daughter called out to me from her bedroom. I sighed and gathered up my Bible, hoping to read at least a few verses in her room while she lazily prepared to get up for the day.

Burrito noticed my face, that it was sad. "Don't be sad," she said. "I'm sad when I think of all my sin,"I replied. In a momentary step away from good theology (but give her a pass; she is three, after all), she told me, "Sin is not bad" (this being an attempt to explain away the problem and make me feel better). I told her, "Sin is bad because it's those bad things in our hearts that turn us away from God, remember?"

She replied, "Jesus died on the cross and He loves ya!"

Oh those simple words. I teared up. It sounds silly to say, but I felt absolved, forgiven. I felt God speaking to me through this little child. I felt changed by this love. My heart, in the words of Wesley, was strangely warmed.

In the end, all of the theologizing and moral attempts to be better fall flat before this most simple of Gospel preachings: "Jesus died on the cross and He loves ya!" Jesus knows all of my failings. He knows me inside and out. There is no other person who has ever known my every thought, my every feeling, my every sin. And there is no other person who has loved me enough to die for me.

Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

I still need the Gospel. I need it every day. I need the simple Gospel, spoken through a child.

multitudes on monday (76-80)

2011-11-07T15:26:00.000-08:00

Here's what I'm thankful for this week:

76. The continued blessing of "computer Sabbath" on Sundays, giving me more time to read and spend time with family.

77. The good attitude of my daughter lately. I think her current developmental stage is starting to set in for both of us and we are both dealing better with toddler-hood.

78. The way my family continues to make me feel rich, day by day. I look at Burrito and cannot believe the joy that God has given her to me. I look at my husband and give thanks for his faithfulness, kindness and support.

79. That my daughter said John 3:16 all the way through all by herself this week!

80. That I have a public library that constantly enriches my life with lots of free, wonderful books to read!

What are YOU thankful for today?

the best fix i know for tantrums

2011-11-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

Burrito has been having more tantrums now that she is getting older. And initially, I will admit, the sight of my child throwing herself down on the floor in rage intimidated me. What would I do to tame this tiny hurricane of emotion? Then I started to learn some things.

(Caveat: If I am tired or not feeling well, I go straight into reactionary mode and sometimes throw all of the suggestions I am going to give you out the window! I'm human too!)

First of all, I am learning that her tantrums are just her way to express her emotions. Feeling angry is not bad; it's just what you do with it. After all, being a child is difficult. When I get frustrated with her, I try to empathize with how little control she has over her life. I try to stoop down and look at the world through her perspective. She feels frustrated and she doesn't know what to do with that emotion. She is also self-differentiating from me (as Boundaries with Kids by Cloud and Townsend points out). It's my job to teach her more resources to use to express her emotions (but this is better done when she is not throwing a fit...can YOU really listen to constructive advice when you're really, really upset?).

The one training technique I DO use when she is throwing a fit is essentially to acknowledge the emotion and stay calm, but let her know that I'll engage with her again when she's done throwing a fit. The fit is not going to get her anything, including attention. I empathize with her feelings and I respect her need to express them, but I don't accept that that is a valid way to interact with Mom. Also, I've found that if I try to reason with her or desperately try to get her to STOP THROWING A FIT, it will only prolong the fit, because she is getting attention and power out of it.

You will not believe how well this works! She stamps her feet, screams and throws herself on the floor. I say to her, "Are you gonna throw a fit now? Ok, let me know when you're done!" Then I stay completely calm and ignore her. Inevitably, the fit is very, very short and she says, "Ok, I'm done.":-) It amazes me every time! She doesn't feel controlled. She doesn't get undue control out of the tantrum. Her emotions are respected but I am expecting respect for myself too. She calms down! It's AMAZING!

In calmer moments, I compliment her for positive expressing of emotion. Like when I tell her "no" she can't have candy and she says a quiet, "Awww!" instead of launching into a fit. I tell her that I appreciated she didn't throw a fit and she just expressed her emotions. (I think it's very important for her to know and understand her emotions, by the way. This will help her a great deal later in life. She just needs to learn to express them appropriately, in a way that is respectful to other people.) I also discuss with her what went wrong when she has a really bad response (like pulling hair, hurting Mom or Dad, throwing something, etc.). I explain why this is hurtful and unkind and remind her that she wouldn't like this done to her.

I hope these tips are helpful to you. You may have to try a few times if you've been interacting with your child's tantrums for a while. But I bet with some practice you can get some great results with your child as well!

Now, if I could just find as good a fix for whining!

autumn in the flathead valley

2011-11-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

This is my first fall in Montana and I am loving it. The air is beginning to get a bit of bite to it, especially in the early morning and at night, but it is still warm enough to play outside or walk during the day. And by afternoon, I start taking my sweater off and turning down the heat.

Here in Montana, we get a full and beautiful fall. It started in September as the trees turned brilliant shades of red, orange, yellow and brown. They slowly fell to the ground and on a windy day, it was as if it were raining leaves outside. The smell of wet leaves, smoke caught in the breeze, and clear blue skies with October sun shining down. The Tamarack pines carpeting the mountainside turned golden in the autumn cold before their pine needles shed for the winter. The splendid beauty of autumn is everywhere.

The locals are caught up in hunting fever these days; men and even whole families routinely take off for days to weeks at a time in search of meat to stock their freezers with for winter. Elk is a big draw and I already have 4 pounds of ground elk in my freezer, due to the generosity of someone at church. (In fact, elk was my very first meal as a resident of Montana.) The downside to this hunting frenzy is that grizzly bear attacks are on the rise in remote places. The bears will soon settle in for winter and when their hungry stomachs meet hunters with fresh carcasses, it can be a bad combination. Most people do fine, however, and most eat what they kill. Montanans are self-reliant.

I won't be taking up hunting any time soon, but I will be embracing the beauty of autumn in this most beautiful of places. It's the time for homemade soup and bread, for apple pie and baked apples. It's the time for fireplaces and crackling logs and snuggles on the couch. It's the time for toddler's bright pink cheeks as she jumps into a pile of leaves. It's the time for going to plays at the local theatre. It's the time for being quiet and reading a good book. It's the time for baking pumpkin cream cheese muffins with spiced crumb topping. It's autumn time in the Flathead Valley and I for one am loving it.

hey! crafting is fun! (when my goals are clear)

2011-10-26T13:39:00.000-07:00

One of our first (and favorite) crafts: Fruit of the Spirit apple garland.

Every time we hit a new kid stage, the whole family has to adjust. Ever since Burrito hit the "real deal" toddler stage a few months ago, I've been struggling a bit. Struggling with her unpredictability. Struggling with less free time some days. Struggling with what on earth to do to keep her entertained and engaged. Struggling even to find ways to teach her and help her grow in faith. Not too long ago, I was talking with our youth director who said that there was a time with her daughters when she always did a craft in the morning after breakfast, as a routine. I think that piece of advice stuck with me, even though I didn't do anything about it right away.

I learned to make these cute bracelets at MOPS.

Then I had a heart-to-heart with my Mom, who did a fantastic job of passing on the faith to my brother and I. I told her I was struggling with how to teach my daughter about faith, given that she won't sit still! Mom reminded me that she used actions to teach us Bible verses. She encouraged me to use Burrito's interests and strengths to teach her. So, I went back into the most important jobs I have (mother and faith teacher) with renewed motivation.

I decided to start with the most important Bible verse of all: John 3:16. I made up actions and acted super enthusiastic as I said it. Before I knew it, she was joining me and now she has almost the whole thing memorized (including the reference!). Today, we started on Romans 10:13.


Pumpkin seed pumpkin. We rinsed the pumpkin seeds and dyed them by shaking them with paint in 3 Ziploc bags.

I also decided that to connect with my daughter, who when it comes to the 5 love languages is a Quality Time and Gifts kid, that I should really be doing more crafts with her. She responds very well to crafts and the time we spend together making something is time away from the TV and time in which she feels especially loved. So we have started doing a craft almost every day. I especially like using crafts that incorporate some Bible teaching, but I can't always find them, so as long as it is something constructive, I do what I can find.

Fall wreath (Sprout TV idea).

I even went to the craft store a couple weeks ago and picked up a bunch of crafting supplies: felt, paper stock in pretty colors, construction paper, pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks, buttons, a hole punch, jewelry wire, etc. I was surprised how many supplies I was able to get for a low price. In the meantime, I had been scouring crafty mommy blogs (such as this one) to find good craft ideas for Burrito and I to do. A good craft needed to be age appropriate, not too expensive, and something that would take about a half hour to work on. I started listing links to good crafts in a Word document.

And then I discovered Pinterest (follow my boards here). It took me a day or two to get up to speed with it and then I was off and flying. I was so excited to find a visual scrapbook where I could "pin" my ideas, recipes, etc. Also, I could see my friends' ideas. It was a great way to find good craft ideas.

For years I've described myself as the least crafty person ever. And it's true that I'm not artistic and I've struggled with working with a sewing machine in the past. I'm not the greatest spacial thinker. I'm a conceptual thinker. Big ideas are my purview. Big abstract ideas. But, for Burrito, I was going to try. And I was finding a surprising number of very approachable crafts. After all, if a toddler can do it, surely I can too!

Painted mini-pumpkin.

So, I really began to get into it. And I started remembering myself as a child. Weaving potholders on those little looms. Cross-stitching complicated scenes for Christmas presents. Doing calligraphy. I even remember receiving a child's sewing machine that delighted me. I may have my deficits with certain types of crafts. I may prefer to express my creativity through writing. But it's kinda fun to do a little craft. Not only that, but I am finding myself connecting with Burrito. We both look forward to doing a craft together. Some work better than others (apple card lacing was not so popular--but she still said doing a craft that day was the best part of her day!). But we always have good quality time together. We gain confidence as we successfully complete simple projects. We put our own spin on ideas.

Watercolor painting that Burrito titled "Spider."

I'm also finding that I'm thinking of more ways to re-use things that I might other-wise throw away. Toilet paper rolls. Random scraps of cardboard. The big box the diapers come in. That has to be positive, right? Less buying and more using (at least in theory!).

I may not be the most crafty person ever. I don't quilt. I don't sew (other than a little slip stitch). I can't draw. But I can do simple crafts with my toddler. Sometimes I can even use them to teach her about God!

multitudes on monday (71-75)

2011-10-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

71. My daughter's exuberant joy as she sang with the Sunday School kids at church on Sunday. She was jumping up and down and singing and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry from all the joy she brings me.

72. The continued wonderful class at church on evangelism. It is through the Institute of Lutheran Theology and has opened my eyes to how evangelism can be done in a Lutheran way. Lots of wonderful, Bible-based teaching.

73. The great Sunday School program at our church. The kids may be small in numbers but the teachers and volunteers are so dedicated and I see such a difference in the life of my daughter and the other kids at church. Positive peer pressure for Jesus!

74. That after a tough night with a sick and freaked out daughter, she woke up perky and happy.

75. That my husband is bold and courageous as a leader, willing to follow the Lord faithfully.

That's my list. What's yours?

the upside of depression

2011-10-22T17:43:00.000-07:00

If you struggle with depression, particularly chronic, lifelong depression, as I have (although at times my depression and even more prominent anxiety abate for a while, they always come back), it is probably pretty hard to see any upside to their place in your life. I know it has been hard for me. Sometimes the weight of these emotions on my shoulders has been significant and even crippling at times. A while ago, I saw Nassir Ghaemi interviewed on The Colbert Report, concerning his recent book, A First-Rate Madness: Uncovering the Links Between Leadership and Mental Illness.

I found Ghaemi's thesis so encouraging: that during crisis times in history a person with a non-psychotic mental illness such as depression or anxiety is of more use than a person who scores high on the optimism scales and would generally be described as mentally healthy. This is because a person who battles depression or anxiety has certain qualities such as resilience and realism that well-equip them to deal with trying times, qualities which the average healthy person does not possess in the necessary quantities. Well, I have had A First-Rate Madness on my library waiting list for a while, so in the meantime, I got a book that follows the same theory, but zeroes in on just one great person from history, Abraham Lincoln. The book is Lincoln's Melancholy: How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness by Joshua Wolf Shenk.

For any person who struggles with any mood disorder and wonders what the point of it all is, this is highly recommended reading. Abraham Lincoln's journey with depression is carefully portrayed, with all the fine elements of story. This is no dry history book, but a living, pulsing account of the private agony that Lincoln suffered throughout the course of his life. It emerged publicly in young adulthood and at that time, Lincoln's friends sought to protect him from suicidal urges. Later, Lincoln's depression became quieter and more indrawn, particularly after his marriage to Mary Todd. He was able to use the energy of his depression to fuel a larger purpose, for which he became relentless and more determined over time, the cause of ending slavery.

Shenk shows how Lincoln was able to deal with the complex times into which he was thrust through the perseverance that he developed dealing with depression throughout his life. He shows how Lincoln developed patience that enabled him to plod through, steady as the tortoise to the hare. He shows how despondent he was over his failures but so willing to continue in what he believed. He shows how Lincoln overcame his suicidal tendencies to live for something greater than himself, how brave this was, and how Lincoln can be a profound role model for the depressive. As I was reading the book, I said to myself, "there is no way Shenk could write about the agony of depression the way he does unless he himself had suffered from it." And sure enough, a perusal of his website reveals that part of the attraction to Lincoln's story for him was that Shenk was battling depression. It appears that Lincoln's character became profoundly transformative for him, just as I believe it will be for any depressive who reads this book.

Lincoln's story gave me great courage in thinking of what the life of a depressive can look like through the years of life. So often, it is easy to look at "just now" and feel that all is lost. But if I can train myself to take the long view, as Lincoln did, I can let the storms of depression carve my character out of the rock of life. I can nurture in myself creativity, resilience, and realism that will make me available to the challenges of leadership that come my way. Rather than viewing my depression and anxiety as shameful, I can look at them as opportunities to deal with life as it really is, rather than with avoidance of challenges. Depression can be an awful burden but it can also be a great gift. I have written before about leaning into the pain (rather than avoiding it) and how that has been a helpful metaphor for me in dealing with depression. Shenk's book on Lincoln provides even more hope to embrace the gift of depression and the benefits it brings with it which would not otherwise be possible.

I'm linking this post up to Momma Made it Look Easy and you should too!

Fall Resolutions Challenge: Join up!

2011-10-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

If you follow my blog on Facebook, you know that I've begun a Fall Resolutions Challenge through the middle of November. The challenge is basically to make a weekly goal for the next month and see it through. You can find accountability to accomplish your goal through the Flathead Mama blogging community. There's still time to join up, if you're interested. Just go to my page on Facebook, click "like" and post your challenge for the month. Make sure the challenge is something simple and achievable for you.

Where did this idea come from? Well, check out this post for the back story. I guess I just finally got tired of being out of shape to an extent even shocking for a sedentary person like myself. I know that I'll never be a great athlete, but surely I can take some simple steps to be a bit healthier. I also know that since I suffer from anxiety and depression, exercise can be a powerful boost to mood. I read an article in Oprah's magazine a few years ago that cited research showing that exercise can be as effective as an antidepressant.

Anyway, I have made the goal for myself to get in three workouts a week, either walking for a half hour or doing a Pilates routine (if it's raining). This seems like an achievable goal for me and I sat down with my husband to discuss how we could make it happen realistically in our schedule. It's just about getting some movement and feeling and looking healthier.

For me, I feel that exercise that is natural has a better chance of succeeding. Hence, walking! The Flathead Valley is beautiful this time of the year as the leaves begin to change. I love the smells of wet leaves, moist earth, and pine trees. I love the fresh, clean air. I love the beautiful mountains, jutting up into the sky. Honestly, it's a real shame to live in such a beautiful place and spend so little time (lately) getting out in God's creation. And yet, it is rainy season again in the Flathead, so I wanted to make sure to have an alternate plan in case it did rain. Pilates is a fun activity I have enjoyed for a few years now. It's a great form of exercise for someone like me who has bad knees and is not a great athlete. It is low impact and is able to be challenging no matter how much you practice it. It requires a lot of concentration and deep breathing too which is wonderful for people who struggle with anxiety. I still would prefer a walk out in nature but if need be, I have a back-up plan.

And I have to say, after a couple of walks, I have come home feeling alive and exhilarated! It's amazing what a little fresh air and getting your blood flowing can do for a person. It's also a great time to unplug from noise, electronic devices, and stress and just reflect, pray and enjoy creation.

So, those are my goals for the next month. Who wants to join me? Don't forget...Go to my page on Facebook to join up. Your goal does not have to be fitness-related, by the way. It can be any simple, achievable goal. Happy Goal-making!

if only magic would work!

2011-10-14T17:45:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to buy some new clothes. And as I tried them on in the fitting room, I came to see through the multi-mirror view that I now have shall we say "cute baby chubs" despite my not being the aforementioned cute baby. Since I have always been a very slim girl with a high metabolism who could eat almost anything I wanted (yes, I know...hate me!), it came as a bit of a shock. I have been eating a lot of butter lately and not exercising much, so I guess it shouldn't be much of a surprise, but I've not had much trouble in the past with the same scenario. I guess you can blame the famous slowed-down metabolism of aging! I came out and asked my husband why he didn't tell me that I had these not so adorable rolls. He claimed not to have noticed (bless the man!). I was discussing this with him while Burrito was eating dinner tonight and upon finding out that I was upset that I had these "chubs" going on, she promptly got out her pretend wand a la Fairy Godmother, shook it over me, and said, "Bibbidi Bobbodi Boo!" If only....If only...:-)

self-care for moms

2011-10-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

I think that one of the toughest challenges for us as Moms is make sure that we give ourselves good care. We tend to put ourselves last on the list and then after we neglect ourselves over and over again, we eventually get to the point where we get so resentful of not having our needs met that we explode! Well, at least that's how it works for me sometimes.

There are some ways in which I'm great at self-care and some ways in which I seriously stink. Have you ever heard the HALT acronym? It tells us to never let ourselves get too "Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired." Trouble will result when we allow that to happen. I routinely let myself get in these states, however. One of my biggest offenses is letting myself get too hungry. This was particularly true when Burrito was a baby. It seemed that I never got enough to eat or drink and I would get ravenously hungry and then I would start getting angry. Sigh. I'm trying to learn to remember to eat enough. Unfortunately, now that I'm remembering and Burrito isn't nursing anymore, I find I am gaining a little bit of weight. Not an insane amount, but still. Now, I must remember not just to eat, but to eat more vegetables and fruit!

Here are the top 5 self-care practices that I find important to making sure my "cup" is filled. Unless I am filled up, I find I don't have a lot to give out.

After you read my list, please share your list! What are your top 5 self-care practices?

1. Reading the Bible. My husband and I generally read the Bible at night together before going to bed. We tend to read through whole books. Right now, we are in the Gospel of Luke. We read a small portion, discuss it and say our prayers. I'm searching for a better way to do a personal time of Bible reading, however. After all, we are pretty tired when we read the Word at night. Still, I'm glad that we do. I find it even more helpful to attend a regular Bible study in town. I gather with some other moms who are in the same stage of life and there is free child care. I get a lot out of this undistracted time of studying God's Word.

2. Sleep. I think I've written before about my battles with insomnia. Until I went through this trial a couple of years ago, I don't think I realized how precious sleep is. I know I definitely appreciated it much more now. I usually get around 8 hours of sleep at night. And it feels good!

3. Community. I find that I get a little weird when I'm not in community. I need people around me, friends to talk with, to joke with, to share my heart with. If I don't have people with whom I regularly share my life, people in the flesh, then I start getting really in-drawn and depressed. But I feel most whole when I have people to talk to.

4. Eating. Like, whole grains, protein, veggies and fruit. It's so easy to forget to eat this stuff but it's amazing how some apples dipped in peanut butter or a piece of cheese will pick me up. If I'm getting grouchy, I need to remind myself to eat something healthy.

5. Doing things I love. That means, reading for fun! I have a huge list of books I hope to check out from the library all the time. I love to read...especially dramatic plots and books that open my world up to understand things differently. I love how reading makes me a better writer. And so writing is also a very important part of self-care for me. Writing is like my third arm. It's been a part of me since I was a little girl and I am not whole without it. And in the category of things I love is also the enjoyment of good movies and TV shows. There's something very relaxing for me as an introvert in curling up on the couch and enjoying a favorite show. It's great to have that down time when nothing is required of me.

So, those are my 5. What are yours?

multitudes on monday (66-70)

2011-10-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

This week I am thankful for:
66. A great class on Lutheran evangelism that we are streaming to our church through the Institute for Lutheran Theology (ILT). This is great timing for me to have such a wonderful, Biblically-based class as I've been struggling with some related questions.

67. The blessing of a great Sunday School program for my daughter that encourages her to grow in her faith.

68. A great talk with a friend who lives far away and who understands me so very well. And loves Jesus!

69. That my husband is back from his 5-day trip to a church conference! I always appreciate him more when he returns from a trip!

70. That the week when Daddy was gone, we were safe and everything went fine. And we had great fellowship with friends so that we were not lonely!

What are you thankful for today?

what evangelicals mean when they call mormonism a "cult"

2011-10-08T20:16:00.000-07:00

I think that as the election season begins to heat up, I will probably begin to incorporate more posts about politics into my blog. I promise to try my best not to be reactive, but instead to be reflective and think carefully about what I write. Please feel free to share alternate opinions (or agreeing ones!), but with respect and kindness to me and to other commenters! Thanks!

The political world is all atwitter about the evangelical pastor who introduced Rick Perry at an event and called Mormonism a cult. Perry later said he did not agree with the sentiment and that he didn't choose who introduced him.

To me, this was a non-event. Except that I was initially a little surprised to find that Rick Perry, as an evangelical Christian, did not view Mormonism as a cult. I have always believed Mormonism to be a cult. This does not mean that I disliked Mormons as people or felt that they were unworthy of participation in society. In fact, there were some things that I thought they did better than some Christians: family values, the willingness to commit to being a missionary, the courage to be different in society. I'd be very happy to have Mormon friends. I have no problem with them in leadership and judge them the same as I do other leaders (are they good people of character? etc.). I just don't think they are saved. I don't think they trust Jesus as their Savior.

But for the first time today, I stopped to analyze the word "cult" and to wonder what the non-Christian world hears when they hear the word, "cult." I began to wonder if what they hear is "weird, chanting, Kool-aid drinkers." Which is not what I mean when I use the word, "cult." What I mean is that Mormonism, although it calls itself "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints," is a religious group that falls outside the beliefs of orthodox Christianity. The main issue with Mormonism is that it denies core teachings of the Christian faith.

But given this definition, I am beginning to think that it may be more helpful language for us to use as evangelical Christians to call Mormonism "another religion." This still respects the fundamental difference between its beliefs and orthodox Christianity while not using language that suggests child sacrifice and mass killings (to some hearers). It gives a better opportunity for witnessing too because we're just being honest about the significant (and salvation-impacting) differences instead of calling names.

I have had an issue for a long time with the religious significance many Christians give to the self-named religious revelations of another Mormon, Glenn Beck. I'm not gonna wrangle too hard with you as a Christian if you agree with him politically. But if you are a Christian and you ascribe spiritual significance to what he teaches, I am very concerned, because he is not a Christian. He is the proponent of another religion. He has every right to participate in society, and even to practice his religious beliefs and speak about them. He has every right to use his free speech. But as a Christian, I should be getting my spiritual guidance from my church, from other Christians, and from the Bible.

But I don't have a problem with Mitt Romney being a Mormon, in terms of whether he should be President. He's not trying to guide me spiritually. He's trying to assume an elected office. Martin Luther once said something along the lines that he would rather have a wise Turk than a stupid Christian ruling in the land. I agree. I think that we don't have to have a Christian be the President. I think it's great if there's a smart Christian who will lead well and have good ideas and morals, but if the best candidate is not a Christian, it's ok. There is a difference between the realm of the church and the realm of the government. And sometimes it's healthy for the church not to have all the power. Look at how strong the church was in ancient Rome when it was persecuted by rulers who were far from God. And look how ugly the church got when Constantine converted to Christianity and made the whole empire Christian. Sometimes Christianity functions best as a minority. Why? Because we do not rely on our own strength but on God and we lean hard on Him. We grow in our faith far more this way.

I submit these thoughts for your consideration in the midst of the broo-haha surrounding "that Mormon remark." With all love and respect.:-)

your mommy "sweet spot"

2011-10-07T15:34:00.000-07:00

There are many times as a mother when I feel that I am not good enough. For example, I stand in awe of "crafty moms." They know how to do things with beads and buttons and glue guns that I can't even envision. Granted, having Burrito has made me a little more open to crafty things. We color and paint and I haven't really done that since I was a kid. But sometimes I look at other moms who can really come up with all kinds of creative, adorable projects and sew their kids' clothes and I just feel, well, inadequate.

But I'm coming to realize that there are strengths I have that other moms don't. For example, a lot of moms don't like to cook. They don't feel confident in it and haven't had their moms teach them to do it. They may be great at teaching their kid to horseback ride or dance, however. They may be fantastic at coming up with kid games. They just have other strengths.

Well, for me, cooking is one of my very favorite things to do with Burrito. She's getting to the stage where she loves to stand on a chair next to me while I cook and either help me or ask about every step of the process. I suppose this might annoy some moms. And the constant questions annoy me in other tasks. But not with cooking. I feel pretty confident with cooking. Most of the time, I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. And I think I'm pretty good at teaching cooking too. Burrito knows by now that we spoon out the flour and smooth it over with a knife. She knows why we put bay leaves in the flour container (to keep the weevils out!). She has been taught why we put the pie crust in the fridge before rolling it out. She knows that yeast and time make bread rise. It's so much fun for me to teach her, too. I love her eager, open mind and her enthusiasm for cooking. I like to think that she gains some of that enthusiasm from my delight in cooking. It brings me joy to share one of my favorite activities with her and to know that she is gaining a life skill that will serve her well down the road.

My second sweet spot as a mom is in taking Burrito to the library. She has already caught Mommy's attitude toward this most wonderful place on earth and always comes home with lots of books. No matter how many books either of us have, we always want more. She often spends lots of time in her room, before sleeping or when she wakes up, sitting and paging through books quietly. I love her enthusiasm for books. And she's already recognizing most of her letters (thank you, Super Why!) and even an occasional word. I love her love of words, stories and beautiful pictures.

My third sweet spot as a mom is taking Burrito to interesting cultural and artistic experiences. In our town, we have an art museum and every time there is a new exhibit, we stop by to look at it. Some of them interest her more than others, but sometimes she requests to stop by, rather than just me suggesting it. I think she is getting something out of it and I love the opportunity to expose her to the arts and beautiful things. We also have great theater in our area, including Children's Theater. I love taking her to see plays (which she, amazingly, mostly sits still for). And then there are fun experiences like food festivals, farmer's markets, museums, and live music. And soon, I hope to take her to her first ballet. I love being able to share a rich cultural experience with my daughter and I love seeing her enthusiasm for the arts. It's beautiful seeing it through her eyes and we almost always make a great memory together.

No, I can't do great arts and crafts. I can't sew. I'm not the best home decorator. But I'm pretty darn good at cooking with my kid, reading with her, and exposing her to great cultural experiences. I'm learning that every mom has strengths and weaknesses. Every kid will miss out on some stuff. Every kid will have some special experiences. And kids catch your enthusiasm for what you love.

So, I'm curious...what is your mommy "sweet spot"? Please share!

gov. chris christie: saying no to big opportunities

2011-10-05T14:17:00.000-07:00

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has done several things recently that have impressed me quite a bit. I don't know his politics much and haven't taken much time to study his positions on the issues that matter to me. But I know that as a leader and as a human being, I am really coming to respect him.

The first thing moment that greatly impressed me was when Christie appointed a Muslim-American lawyer who had defended terrorism suspects (who never ended up being charged) as a New Jersey Superior Court judge. The pick was criticized by certain bloggers and columnists, charging that the judge would be more likely to attempt to follow Shariah law. To this, Chris Christie responded, "This Shariah law business is crap. It’s just crazy and I’m tired of dealing with the crazies." He knew the judge personally and defended his character and reputation. This reply to the controversy from a Republican made me sit up and pay attention. Yes, both parties have their problems, but I have seen all too many "fear-mongering" techniques to gain votes coming from the Republican party lately. It's not necessarily a popular Republican position to suggest that a Muslim judge could be a great judge. Christie didn't care. He spoke the truth as he saw it. That takes guts.

The second thing that Christie did that caused me to sit up and pay attention happened this week. Despite intense pressure from important and ordinary people alike, Chris Christie decided not to run for President at this time. A lot of people would probably yield to the pressure. A lot of politicians are so lacking in a personal compass and so lacking in an internal sense of purpose and worth that they will jump at being asked to doing something important, even if the timing is wrong, even if it means abdicating important commitments, even if they feel unprepared, even if people are trodden underfoot. Because their sense of importance is tied to achievement and opportunity, they just can't say no.

Christie showed a different example for us all. Despite the extremely flattering attempts of powerful and everyday people to get him to run, Christie considered it carefully, but in the end decided that he needed to finish his commitment to New Jersey. He said that he worked hard to get that job and wanted to be true to his commitment. I think this shows character, something I always look for in the people I vote for.

But Christie's response to this opportunity left me thinking even more about the character I am attempting to develop in my own life. The character to do things because I feel called to do them, not because I feel pressured to do them. It has been a hard realization for me that I am a people-pleaser. Oh, how disappointing! I always thought I was more hard-core than that! But no, I often do things to get people to approve of me. I often do things in order to gain the success that I use to feed my self-esteem. Rather, than living out of a sense of purpose and giftedness, I often find myself doing things in order to fit the mold of what people expect of me.

This was a big problem for me as a young pastor because I had 600 bosses and was always worried that I was not doing things correctly enough, that I was not filling the picture people had of what a pastor should be, that I was not giving people enough of their money's worth. It turned into a crazy treadmill as I tried hard to please but felt it falling flat sometimes because I wasn't always being true to myself. I often thought of myself as putting on the "proper pastor" mask. I had things to say, challenges to make, a different way of living that I was often afraid to express because of the fear of social disapproval. But really, it isn't other people's fault that I felt this way. It's mine. I idolized people above God because of my own inner uncertainty about myself. Getting approval from people can easily become more important than getting God's approval. (And maybe that's because we can see other people, but we can't see God. But that's why Scripture teaches us to live by faith.)

I was worried that I would fall into this same tendency as I now serve as a pastor's wife. There are plenty of ideas of what a pastor's wife should be like and I knew my tendency to people-please by now. I also know my tendency to over-commit myself in order to feed my self-esteem.

Well, I have been working hard on this problem. First of all, I actually took a "big gulp moment" and told the council and call committee about my struggles with people pleasing and my worries about being a pastor's wife. And it was so freeing! To be real about those struggles!

And I am working hard on how I respond to others. I won't say that I am always successful in resisting the urges to be a people-pleaser, but I am getting a little better at it. I have said "no" to a couple of big opportunities lately. I think that a few years ago, I probably would have said yes, because I would have thought, "If I don't do this now, another opportunity will never roll around again!" I would have thought, "If I don't do this (even though I don't feel ready or even though it doesn't feel right), the success train will pass me by." Now, I am learning (emphasis on the learning) to say no and trust God instead of my own achievement. I am learning to trust that if I am true to what I can handle and do a quality job at now, if I put my priorities in the right place, if I tell the truth, if I dare to ask for what I'm worth in work matters, I will find peace. It is so freeing to say no to opportunities! It is freeing to know that I don't have to be God and do everything. I just need to do what I'm called to do and do it well.

I'm grateful to Gov. Christie for putting his ego aside and making a decision that was best for his state, his family, and ultimately himself. I don't know if he had any faith reason for making this decision. I know that faith in Christ has helped me greatly in finding the inner worth that I long for and that I have too often tried to find in achievement and pleasing people. I am worthy though I am a sinner because Christ loved me and died for me. Because I am already worthy, I am free to make decisions based on good reasons to do things, instead of reasons like "if I don't do this, I will never get another chance!" I don't always remember that I am free. But I am learning to remember.

multitudes on monday (61-65)

2011-10-03T16:16:00.000-07:00

This week I am thankful for:

61. The continued blessing of "computer Sabbath" on Sunday.

62. The joy of a wonderful date with my husband on Friday. The joy of having places to go with him that refresh me and quiet my sometimes anxious heart.

63. A daughter who sat still at church on Sunday and mostly behaved (except for the moment when her blankie went airborne during the service!).

64. A community that feels like a family to me.

65. The continuing opportunity to do something regularly that engages me and fills me with joy: write.

What are you thankful for today?

my favorite restaurant in the flathead valley: When in Rome

2011-10-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned Bigfork's When in Rome (which used to be called Sun Mountain) before but have not yet devoted a full post to my favorite restaurant in the Flathead. As the restaurant gets more and more popular, perhaps a post becomes less and less relevant because so many people are writing about When in Rome. Even the Food Network declared their pizza to be the best in Montana. They are written up in the newspaper all the time. And their "Best Pizza Ever" pie won second place in the nontraditional western division of the International Pizza Expo competition and fourth place for the traditional western competition. And, oh yes, it is that good. More on that later.

If everybody is writing about When in Rome (and rightly so, because they deserve every bit of honor they are getting), why add my voice to the pack? Well, because this is partly a food blog and I can't avoid writing about my favorite restaurant in the Flathead: The place that creates pure happiness for me. The place that makes me feel for an evening like I've been dropped into the heart of Europe. And...mark it down...I loved it before it was this popular.

Our first trip to When in Rome occurred when we came to visit the church where my husband now works in Montana. We were knee-deep in the heart of an unexciting-food micro-town of North Dakota, where eating out meant getting a pizza from the local Cenex, complete with ingredients that barely resembled food and tasted like they had been sitting in engine oil for years. Gross.

So, you can understand how enchanted we were when we stepped into When in Rome (then called Sun Mountain) and found that we could get a soda and two huge slices of artisan-quality pizza with fine ingredients for $5 for lunch (now the special is $6, but it's still a great deal). The idea that we could live in a place where we could get outstanding food like this was astounding, starved as we were for the real thing (There were many great home cooks in North Dakota, but most restaurants were unimpressive and uninspiring at best.)

Now that we have moved to Montana, we have visited lots of area restaurants, but we keep coming back to When in Rome. You can get a beautiful large pizza for $15-25 for take-out, but we almost always eat in the restaurant. Yes, it's more expensive, when you consider tip and drinks and the inevitable appetizer that calls our name, but it's worth it for the ambiance and the joy that eating in a place where the owners (Engjell Vrapi and Kaleigh Brook, a married couple) put such passion into everything that they do.

It's a pleasure to sit and watch them in the kitchen, putting such detail and beauty into their food. It's a joy to talk to their talented servers who love the food they serve and who present it without pretension. It's the rare thing when great food people can welcome you in to what they do, instead of making you feel "outside the club." When in Rome achieves hospitality and artistry at the same time. A couple on a date, a seasoned retired couple, or a family with small children are equally at home. The dining room is small and intimate, decorated with many lovely touches that suggest Europe. Rick Steves always plays on the flat-screen TV, making you feel as if you're looking out the window to the beauties of Europe. Tables are adorned with simple cut flowers. Vrapi directs his kitchen with joy and fine organization, donning a white chef's coat.

Spanakopita.

I find myself relaxing when I go to When in Rome. The stress melts away. And the food! Oh, the food!

When in Rome has a menu of Mediterranean dishes (mostly pasta), always an interesting special, and some inventive salads. We love it all, but we especially love the pizza.

When we visited last night, we had the spanakopita, a dish that I enjoy but rarely get too excited about. But this time, from my first bite, I was in bliss. The delicate layers of phyllo melted in my mouth, buttery and crisp. There was a delicious tzatziki dipping sauce that only enhanced the cheesy, buttery taste. I was in heaven.

Pepperoni/"Best Pizza Ever"

I was primed and ready and the pizza arrived a few moments later. We had ordered half pepperoni and half "Best Pizza Ever." Both are beautiful pizzas. The crust is a thin crust, crusty on the edges and soft and tender in the heart of the pie. The pepperoni pizza uses the best quality meat I have ever had on a pizza, salty, herb-infused, zesty. The zesty red sauce makes a perfect match for this pizza. The "Best Pizza Ever" is a white pizza with more of that great pepperoni, roasted red peppers, red onions, gorgonzola cheese and garlic. It came to us piping hot and full of buttery and deep, rich flavor. The sweetness of the peppers and onions and the sharpness of the cheese with the saltiness of the meat make it a melt in your mouth affair. I had it with a glass of the red wine special (Italian wines are featured in this restaurant) and as I sat there consuming such beautiful food and drink, I was filled with such happiness. Exciting, approachable food, a beautiful atmosphere, the joy of my husband's company. What more could I ask for?

When in Rome, baby. When in Rome.

computer Sabbath

2011-09-30T12:43:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was totally ready to lose it. The stress was piling up so high. It seemed like I had constant commitments and projects: some for church, some of my own goals, some for husband and Burrito, some for others, some for writing projects. And most of it centered around the computer. Which makes sense, since my main skill set is writing. But I just COULDN'T TURN IT OFF.

It wasn't that I disliked doing any of the projects I was committed to. In fact, I loved every single one of them and every single one used my gifts and abilities. I wasn't coloring outside the lines of how God designed me. It was just that there was so much to do. And I wasn't getting the down time that my introvert self needs in order to function well.

That this coincided with truly in-earnest toddler behaviors and some attempts at potty training did not make it any easier. I felt upset at myself for over-commiting and doing the things I love to do. Was I really being fair to my husband and daughter who need an unstressed, stable person at home?

And then I remembered something I have practiced during stressful times in the past. When I was in North Dakota, I was getting a lot of stressful emails (and in this case, they were not related to happy situations in which I was using my gifts...they related to strife and judgment, and discussing strife and judgment with trusted friends). And I was getting so stressed out by having to be "on" all the time that I began to adhere to a computer Sabbath. This meant powering down the socially "on" button, saying no to workaholism and trusting that all the same problems and responsibilities would be there the next day. I think I took my day off in North Dakota (Monday) as my computer Sabbath. And it helped. I was able to get as much of a mental break as I could muster in the situation, such as it was.

So as I began to feel pretty darn stressed out here in Montana, I decided to bring the computer Sabbath back. I think that finding Sabbath is even harder for stay-at-home parents and other people who work at home than it is for those who work outside the home. For most people who work outside the home, there is a clear end time of work and oftentimes even a whole weekend to enjoy. I understand nobody's time schedule is perfect and we all have challenges getting in time to rest, recreate, and build relationships with our loved ones, but I think stay-at-home people and always-on call-people like pastors and doctors have a particularly difficult time.

We all need to learn how to use the "off" button for our work. Work can be a wonderful and meaningful thing, particularly when it is work that we feel gifted for and called to do (as I do with my writing--for pay and for volunteer opportunities--and my work as a mother and support to my husband). But even joyful work is a work from which we need rest.

There could be no more joyful work than God's artistic work of creating the whole world. Think of the colors, the detail, the beauty. And no one needed rest less than God Himself. He is self-sufficient in Himself. But He knew that we would need to rest. And so on the seventh day, after six days of creation, God rested. He did this so that we would learn to stop what we are doing and rest too.

To take a Sabbath means to trust in God enough that we take ourselves off of the throne. Psalm 127:1-3 says, "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-- for he grants sleep to those he loves" (NIV).

What does this mean? This means that we trust that at the end of the day, we are not responsible for the fate of the world--or the fate of any part of the world. God has told us to rest and so we do it, trusting in faith that if we do, what He truly wants us to get done will get done. We stop idolizing ourselves and our efforts in the world and we worship God alone.

And, oh, what a huge sigh of relief when we do this! We don't have to always be "on." We can take a rest and recharge and it will be ok.

For every person, we may take Sabbath a little differently. It's not about legalism. As Jesus once said, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath" (Mark 2:27, NIV). For me, because I find myself tied to the computer all the time (even for good reasons), because I sometimes focus on it too much, because I get overstressed if I don't take a break from all my projects, a meaningful step is to turn the computer off one day a week. I do this on Sundays now.

And I'm not gonna kid you. It's difficult. Particularly for the first half of the day as I get used to the idea. I am tempted over and over again to go turn the computer on and check something. I almost feel like the computer is a third arm; that's how connected I am to it! And I feel like I am missing an arm when I turn it off. But that is precisely why I need a break from the computer. I need to remember that God is on the throne, not me. I need to nurture relationships with my husband and daughter (all too often, I turn away from them and to a screen). I need to catch up on my enjoyable reading. I need to breathe.

And it's amazing...really, amazing...how little I miss when I step away. Until I do step away, I essentially believe that I will miss everything if I look away from my computer for a second. And I suppose once and a while, I may miss something fun or important. But most of the time, there isn't much going on that matters that much. And even if I do miss something, it will still be there waiting for me the next day.

I can't tell you the relief and stress reduction I am feeling as I step away from my work for a short time to get the rest God counseled us to take. God truly is wise.

How do you find Sabbath in your day to day life? I'd love to hear your experiences.

and she turns three...

2011-09-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

Cinderella cake from Safeway. Before her skirt melted.

I have been going on and on about the "terrible threes" in recent posts, but Burrito actually turned 3 only this weekend. I had been looking forward to this day for a couple of months at least. I could hardly wait to absolutely delight my daughter. And she had been looking forward to her birthday for months too. She was well-acquainted with the idea that birthdays mean presents and cake. Every day, she asked, "It my birthday today???" And every day, we had to say no.

And so, it was highly amusing when she woke up on her actual birthday and turned on the light in her room and got to playing, completely unaware that the longed-for day had actually arrived! Christopher and I went in to see her and told her we had a song to sing to her. We sang "Happy Birthday" and delight began to spread across her face as it began to dawn on her that it had at last arrived!

She had pancakes for breakfast and got to open presents and got to do pretty much whatever she wanted (within reason). She took a nap and in the evening, her friends began to arrive for her very first kid party. I hadn't told her that they would probably bring presents because I didn't want her to have a case of the "gimmees" and I didn't want anyone to feel pressured to bring something. So when each family showed up at the door with a gift bag in hand, she was so excited! I had to smile.

Well, we had a few mishaps along the way. We ran out of propane for the barbecue grill and Christopher made it to the hardware store just before it closed. Whew, that was a close one. And part of the frosting on Burrito's Cinderella cake melted as the kitchen got warm (but luckily, I don't think Burrito noticed). And then there was the whole insult to my skills as a cake-maker that were overlooked in Burrito's preference for a sugary (tasteless?) store-bought cake. But for once my foodie self yielded to my daughter. A Cinderella cake she wants? A Cinderella cake she shall have!

It was a wonderful evening. Guests stayed in the backyard until the sun began to set. Children decorated our patio with sidewalk chalk. Children ran everywhere. Children played in the new sandbox we gave Burrito. Children blew bubbles. Adults conversed happily. The food spread was delicious (thanks to the birthday party ideas of Pioneer Woman, we served sliders and homemade mac and cheese with a topping bar of caramelized onions, Gorgonzola cheese and bacon...yum!).

My heart was so full watching my daughter happily playing with her friends. You see, growing up I had virtually no friends...or at least, virtually no "in person" friends. Partly due to my shyness, partly due to a little over-protectiveness from my parents, and partly due to frequent moves that made it hard to put down roots, I was pretty lonely growing up, even if I didn't always acknowledge it to myself. I love that my daughter has such wonderful social skills, such an ability to make new friends and interact with them whole-heartedly. I love that she doesn't feel lonely most of the time. After all, God made us for relationships, with Himself and others.

And my heart was full as I looked around at the group of parents who had gathered with us for this special day. I was so very lonely in North Dakota, and now God has set this lonely one in a family of other believers with whom I can be myself, warts and all. Each of the friends who gathered with us add something very special to my life. I am a better person for knowing them all.

My heart is full indeed...and my daughter is three...what joy...

multitudes on monday (56-60)

2011-09-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

Today I am grateful for:

56. Time to write. Not having to work outside the home, I find myself with far more time and energy for writing. And it's wonderful and fulfilling. I am so grateful.

57. A fantastic birthday party for my daughter who turned 3! We had the most wonderful evening with a backyard barbecue, happy children running around and an absolutely delighted daughter.

58. Our friends, who make our lives so much richer. In North Dakota, we had almost no friends our own age for most of the time that we lived there. What friends we did have were busy pastors (just like us). My soul was thirsting for friendships, real ones where I could be open and honest, warts and all. God has given these friends to me. In the flesh.

59. The opportunity I have to sit down and just soak in God's Word at a local Bible study. It's so wonderful to not have to be the leader sometimes.

60. The end of a wonderful stewardship campaign that I assisted with at church. The best part of it was the wonderful relationships I developed with two savvy, smart, faithful older women, who I worked with on the campaign. They encouraged me so much and it has been so long since I was praised for something I did in ministry. It was water to a thirsty soul. It was so wonderful too to see how our gifts balanced each other out; each of us could do something the others couldn't. What a blessing!

What are you thankful for today?

things i love about the three's

2011-09-21T05:19:00.000-07:00

After my "mommy frustrations" post the other day, I thought it would be worthwhile to remind myself all of the blessings of having a toddler. I quickly forget the trauma of past stages and focus in on the negative. But since I am trying to have more of an attitude of thanksgiving in my life, perhaps I should apply the thankfulness principle to my toddler.

So, what do I love about having a toddler? Here are some thoughts:
--I laugh far more than I ever used to. I have a daughter who thinks everything is "silly" and "funny."
--I can now have conversations with my daughter. She has a great ability to understand conversation and a great verbal ability.
--I have been having more chances to teach her to cook. She loves to stand on a chair and dump ingredients in and stir. She even remembers the "why" of instructions many times.
--Her extroversion gets me out of my shell with other people.
--I get to see my daughter have the friends that I never had as a child. I delight in seeing her ability to make friends easily. I delight in her extroverted personality and the way she runs up to a friend and just naturally gives them a big hug.
--She remembers to pray for people that I might forget to pray for, like people who have stopped by the church in need. She prays for the "people in trouble" and once when my husband shared with someone who he was helping a second time that my daughter had specifically been praying for him each night, the man about teared up. She is already doing ministry!
--She has a very active imagination and loves to sing and dance and act. I love her creative side.
--She will sometimes burst out with an unexpected kiss or an "I love you very, very much." And she melts my heart when she does this.
--She often compliments my cooking! "Mmmm! This tastes really good!" (As long as its not "spicy"!)
--She sometimes says something and then adds, "I was just joking!"
--She is able to help in small ways around the house--unloading the dishwasher, getting parts of her lunch out of the fridge, bits of vacuuming. And she is usually willing to help out.
--She has a great sense of fun and brings out the playful side in my usually too-serious self.

So, yes, some of the toddler behaviors drive me nuts. But there is much to rejoice in too. And on my frustrated days, I need to remember that and to model my belief that bad behavior times are an opportunity to show unconditional love.

What do you love about the toddler years?

Mommy page: new website

2011-09-20T18:14:00.002-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from the folks at Mommy Page, a new coupon/deals website whose target audience is, obviously, Moms. They were looking to do a trade: interview me for their website and provide me some extra visibility, and in exchange gain some visibility for their website on my blog. You can find the interview article here. Thanks to Mommy Page for a little free advertising! And I know my readers are always interested in a deal!

Here's the information they asked me to post, provided by Jennifer Drummond:

We’ve just launched a new site, Mommy Page, to bring expecting moms, new moms and veteran mothers a single source for all of the deals, coupons and savings chances offered over the internet!

Our goal at Mommy Page is to search the internet to find and consolidate the latest free samples, coupons and special offers from some of the best name brands that moms like us love! When the brands we love most aren’t offering something special - we have a team of mothers that reach out to those companies to motivate them to offer something great to our MommyPage Turners!

MommyPage currently has found and posted offers such as VTech Kids, Kellogg’s, ThredUp, Baby Talk and American Baby!

Beyond our offers and deals, MommyPage facilitate all moms navigate their way through parenting. Our community of moms share stories on buying maternity clothes, healthy and balanced eating for two, baby behavior, first day at preschool and more! Being a mom is about managing a home and way of living. With our helpful hints on parenting and access to savings - we hope to help moms make parenthood a prosperous adventure!

We hope that you let us to join you in your adventure in parenting! Visit our Mommy Page now.

the terrible three's?

2011-09-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

I posed a question to my Facebook friends today, asking them if I was the only one whose child hit three and suddenly caused their mother to feel she was losing her mind. Well, much to my relief, I am not the only one!

The big changes have been happening in the past few months. I've been struggling to articulate what I am finding so difficult about the "terrible three's" but a bit of therapeutic discussion on Facebook helped me to flesh it out a bit. It's not just one thing that is driving me nuts (as in the infant days, "none of us is getting enough sleep!"). It's the cumulative total of toddler-related things that is doing it.

Here are the terrible three's behaviors I am struggling with:
--Burrito used to be sweet and compliant and able to be reasoned with. Now, not so much.
--The whining! Oh, the whining!
--Wanting constant motion and constant attention (or at least, it seems that way).
--Refusal to sit in one place--at meals, when I am trying to talk to her, during prayers.
--Refusal to focus for prayer time. Really, they're simple prayers. Is a little respect too much to ask?
--Squirrely behavior during church. I want to hear the sermon but I don't want to let her disturb everyone else.
--Getting up earlier in the morning. Eek! I'm not a morning person!
--Being able to escape her bed and therefore being able to play when she should be sleeping.
--Thinking hitting, biting, pulling hair, etc. is funny. I tell her often that hands are not for hitting. Not that I can get her to stand still long enough to listen.
--Occasionally saying mean things (although it does seem like she is trying on words for size as opposed to really meaning them).

She used to have her opinions, yes, but was far more influenced by Mom and Dad. I guess she is just discovering her own mind. And I respect that she has her own opinions. I respect her. I just need a little reassurance that she won't always fight me on so many things (recently, when I call her "my precious daughter," she says she is not but that she is in fact Angelina Ballerina). I need reassurance that she will develop empathy and the ability to focus when it comes to faith. Don't get me wrong...she has some beautiful moments of empathy, faith, kindness and love. She is a sweet girl and I love her dearly but the independent streak is about to make me pull my hair out.

This post would fall under the category, "Not Supermom!" I would love to hear your strategies for dealing with toddler behaviors such as these. And I'd love to hear about your strategies for dealing with the tiredness brought about by parenting such a rambunctious, independent girl.

multitudes on monday (51-55)

2011-09-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

I'm juggling a lot of projects lately and missed posting Multitudes last week.

Isn't it the truth that when we most need to reflect on our blessings and give thanks to God that it falls by the wayside? This is a growing edge for me.

Here's this week's list of things I am thankful for:

51. An afternoon off on Saturday on which I took myself to see The Help and remembered why I loved the book so much.
52. Having 3 of 6 parenting Bible study lessons written for church...and having God challenging me in the areas I'm writing about.
53. New people in church yesterday and a husband who courageously speaks the truth in his sermons.
54. A break from potty training, which was exhausting me.
55. The ability to chew again! TMJ seems to be gone, at least for now.

What are you thankful for today?

why don't we ask men?

2011-09-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

The star of I Don't Know How She Does It, Sarah Jessica Parker, is on every talk show in existence this week promoting her new film. From the reviews that have been trickling out, the film itself isn't that good, but the conversation surrounding the film is pretty interesting. I almost always find SJP more engaging in an interview than in character. She's a genuinely nice person, the kind of woman who makes others feel better about themselves. And since she too has a pretty busy life, it's always a little instructive to find out a little more about "how she does it."

Yesterday, I was watching an interview with the cast of the movie on Anderson Cooper's new daytime talk show/Oprah void filler. I thought Anderson brought up a pretty good point. He said to Greg Kinnear, "I bet you've been interviewed thousands of times in the course of your career. And you have 3 kids at home. Have you ever once been asked, 'How do you do it all?'" To this, Kinnear replied, "Well, no I haven't!" as if he'd been slighted. It was amusing but telling.

This conversation left me wondering, "Why don't we ask men this question? After all, working women are asked the question at every turn!"

I think a big part of the answer to this question is that we still fundamentally believe that women are the ones really responsible for parenting and raising children. We accept that this is a fundamental part of the job description of woman, but we are slower to look at it as part of the fundamental job description of men. I suppose part of the reason for this is that only women can give birth to babies and nurse them at their breasts. There is a certain bond between mother and child that is unique and powerful. And traditionally throughout history, women have often been the domestic managers, caring for children and taking care of the home.

But this is 2011. If we are going to ask women the "How do you do it all?" question, shouldn't we be asking men too? If we don't ask this question of dads too, we fail both men and women. By relegating parenting primarily to the realm of the mother, we do a profound disservice to fathers. For too many years, fathers have been made to feel that their contribution to parenting wasn't that important. In a divorce, the mother often retains primary custody. In marriage, wives often give their husbands the impression that they have no parenting advice of value to offer, we roll our eyes at our husbands and fail to listen to their perspective. And yes, men often do have a lot of catching up to do when it comes to parenting, just because, through the generations, most of their fathers were not as actively involved. There's a learning curve for active, involved fathers. And there's a need for deep bonding with the child too; a man starts 9 months behind in terms of his relationship with the child.

But men have a different perspective on parenting than women, often providing helpful correctives and balances to their approach. Their voices are important. If their voice and influence were not important, God would have allowed women to spontaneously have a baby without the help of a man. We need men. I shudder to consider the day when science tries to convince us that we don't. If that ever happens, we will be missing the balancing note of the universe.

So, failing to ask men "how they do it all" is bad for men. But it's also bad for women. Having been a working mother, I feel such a frustration with a system that penalizes women for prioritizing family and unevenly burdens her with the responsibility for the family. The old guard of employers makes a woman feel her place is really in the home. Simultaneously, the old guard expects men to stay in their place in the workforce, not offering much time or consideration to family.

I am so grateful for a new generation of men who are now husbands and fathers and who do not ask this of their wives. Men who do housework, care for children, and share the load of work and home. Even as a mother who is staying home now, I have volunteer commitments and am attempting to re-launch my writing career from home. And I need a little down time, now and then too. I am so grateful to have a husband who is a real partner in life, who considers my goals important--along with his--and helps support me in achieving them. He is a gift to me.

Let's start asking men how they do it all. Especially those self-sacrificial men who come home at the end of the day and put their tired toddlers to bed and hug their wives and throw a load of wash in instead of putting their feet up and grabbing a beer. They are heroes. They should be acknowledged and appreciated. And for those men who aren't doing their share, maybe it'll shame them into starting!

what would Jesus do after 9/11?

2011-09-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

It’s been 10 years. 10 years is a long time. When the terrorist attacks happened on September 11, I was still in college. I hadn’t met my husband yet. My daughter didn’t even exist yet. And the kids I talked with at Sunday School today were only 5 or 6 when the attacks occurred. They mostly don’t remember the terror and even now don’t know many parts of the story. They have only known a nation in which terrorism is a constant threat to our safety. Their world is a different world than the one I grew up in.

On 9/11, I had already forged a friendship with a Muslim family in our town. Their son worked at the local fast food joint where I worked as well before I started college. We continued to remain friends and I will always be indebted to him and to his family for all they taught me about moderate Islam.

Before I met my friend (who I will call “John”), I had some pretty narrow-minded ideas about Muslims. I believed that they all were oppressive to women, that they were restrictive and perhaps even hateful to others.

But when I met John and had many interesting conversations with him over Butterburgers and frozen custard, I began to gain a real respect for him and his family. They were pious and committed to their faith in a way that I rarely see of Christians. John took time out of his day to perform his prayers, even at the risk of ridicule and inconvenience. I learned that Islam is about submission to God, that Muslim men are allowed to talk to women (I had thought otherwise), that often a gracious way of speech and attitude came with their pious devotion to faith. I learned that for moderate Muslims, having a women cover her head was an expression of modesty, that a women uncovered at home, and that men also had modesty restrictions. I engaged in many religious debates and discussions with John as we sat at the lunch table. I brought him a Bible and he brought me a Koran. I read most of it and took copious notes. I was surprised that there were many good and lovely things in the Koran that I could agree with.

I was sad, however, that my friend didn’t believe in Jesus. I never stopped praying for him and for his family to come to faith. I pray for him still sometimes.

When 9/11 happened, one of the first things I did was call my friend. (Perhaps he was upset about being regarded as my personal Muslim expert on the terrorist attacks, but if so, he didn’t tell me.) Instead, he expressed his and his family’s sadness and regret at the violence.

I think if I had not had a Muslim friend, I may have looked at the world differently after 9/11. I am forever grateful to him and his family for the impact they had in my life and on my perspective. I know a lot of people who think of the world in an “us-them” kind of way. They sometimes think of 9/11 as an attack on Christianity, but I don’t think of it that way, unless maybe it was an attack on false Christianity (evil Western practices that got lumped in with Christianity). I know there are radical Muslims in the world who persecute Christians. I don’t deny that. I just don’t think that’s what 9/11 was.

As I think of what our continued response should be as Christians to the evils of that most awful day, I ask myself, “What would Jesus do after 9/11?” I don’t think Jesus would be out there telling everybody how awful Muslims were and scaring everybody about them.

I think Jesus might look in His community to see if there are some Muslims there who are scared for their safety, scared that they will be lumped in with the few bad eggs in their lot. I think Jesus would do what He could to protect them and to befriend them. I think Jesus would realize these peaceful people were also victims of 9/11.

Do I believe Muslims are wrong about who Jesus is? Of course I do. And I want them to come to know Him as Savior. But believing they are wrong about Jesus does not mean slandering them or calling them violent or terrorists. We don’t do that to Jehovah’s Witnesses, even though we disagree with them. (Come to think of it, we should probably try to befriend Jehovah’s Witnesses too!)

Christians should not be out in the world screaming alarmism over Muslims in their community. They should be the first example of showing kindness, love and friendship. They should be considering those who are most vulnerable and doing what they can to defend them.

I know there is a need for war at times in history. This post is not meant to debate that or whether or not the wars we have engaged in in the past few years were needful. I’m not talking one way or the other about the need for the government to exercise justice when there are wrongs committed.

What I’m talking about is the Church of Jesus Christ and how God is calling us to reach out to a hurting, broken world. And part of that world includes Muslims.

And by the way, even if we are talking about a Muslim who happens to be a terrorist (which I still believe is rare in this country), God wants us to love them too. After all, Jesus told us, “Love your enemies.” That kind of an attitude could make all the difference in the world and it could inspire a watching world to ask questions, to ask the reason for the hope that is within us. And then we can answer, “Jesus!”

How about you? What do you think Jesus would do after 9/11?

teaching realistic expectations: Dora vs. Fancy Nancy

2011-09-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

I have a pet peeve with Dora the Explorer and it's not just her perpetually perky, high-pitched voice (although these qualities of said voice should be noted). There's nothing evil about Dora; it's one of Burrito's favorite shows and we'll continue to let her watch it, reservations aside. But I worry sometimes that she is not getting an understanding of how to react to real life from watching Dora.

I can hear you saying, "Realistic? Come on! It's a cartoon!" But one good thing about cartoons these days (as opposed to when I was growing up) is that most of them are no longer pure entertainment. Most of them now have an objective to teach. For Dora, the teaching is partially in the learning of Spanish. It also teaches following a simple progression of directions ("Bridge...mountain...island!"). And there are the always good admonitions against swiping ("Swiper, no swiping!").

But Dora doesn't do a great job of preparing kids to handle normal preschooler problems and respond to them in a helpful way. Does your toddler's world normally work this way?: Follow a simple formula, stop and congratulate themselves along the way, reach desired destination and congratulate themselves again? And do things work out the same way every time?

I'm not talking about solving world peace here; I'm just concerned that Dora creates an idea in preschooler's minds that everything will always work out perfectly as we want it to and then we will congratulate ourselves on how "we did it!" (And of course, there's nothing wrong with a healthy self-esteem and feeling good about accomplishing something and overcoming an obstacle. But what about a story that would throw a normal obstacle or real life challenge into the path of a toddler? A story that would teach them coping skills for these kind of obstacles?)

Well, never fear! Such a series of stories exist! I would recommend for the teaching of dealing with real life frustrations the Fancy Nancy series of books by Jane O'Connor. This is probably a more helpful series of books for toddler girls, as they do tend to be rather "girly," but I think Fancy Nancy does a great job of throwing some real world obstacles and frustrations into Nancy's path, as well as entertaining and teaching some vocabulary in a fun way along the way. Through the everyday challenges Nancy faces, she regularly learns that life will not always give you exactly what you want, but that you can learn to adjust and still enjoy life.

For example, in Fancy Nancy at the Museum (I Can Read Book 1), Nancy embarks on a big exciting field trip to an art museum. Nancy dresses up in an extra special outfit, but is heartbroken when she gets roadsick and throws up on her pretty shirt. Her teacher takes the matter in hand, however, and lends her her art smock to wear over her messy shirt. Nancy discovers that it's pretty cool to wear a smock like this to an art museum. She learns to adjust her expectations to reality and enjoy what she has.

In Fancy Nancy: Splendiferous Christmas, Nancy is super excited about decorating her Christmas tree with a gorgeous (and gawdy!) tree topper that she saved up for earlier in the year. But when the tree is jostled and her treasure falls to the floor and shatters, she bursts into tears! How could this happen? Is Christmas spoiled? Her grandpa arrives just in time to comfort her with a big hug and come up with a solution. Using simple craft supplies, they put together a sparkly tree topper that they plan to make an heirloom for the future. They talk about the story they will have to share with future generations. The love of family and the power of creativity save the day. Rather than a simple progression of doing everything right and having everything work out perfectly, again Nancy learns to adjust and make the best of reality. And she is lovingly comforted too. Yay, Jane O'Connor!

In Fancy Nancy Sees Stars (I Can Read Book 1), Nancy has her usual enthusiasm for her latest adventure: a trip to the planetarium to see a night sky show. But a rain storm and traffic jam cause her and her friend, Robert, to miss the whole show. She is very disappointed, but when the family returns home, the clouds have cleared and she decides they should have their own night sky show in their back yard. Again, she adapts.

In Fancy Nancy: Poison Ivy Expert (I Can Read Book 1), Nancy doesn't pay enough attention (as her Mom told her to) and gets poison ivy. She is unglamorously red, itchy and completely miserable. She makes it through a rough night, uses a home remedy given by a neighbor and feels better soon.

Yes, Nancy has misunderstandings, gets poison ivy, throws up, and breaks things. Life isn't perfect for Nancy. She doesn't lose her "fanciful" joy (hooray!). No, she keeps her imagination, but learns to adapt when life doesn't quite live up to her expectations.

I'm probably not being fair in picking on Dora alone for her promotion of an unrealistic picture of the world. Princess stories are no better. "They lived happily ever after???" That doesn't happen anywhere but heaven! Too many girls have read princess stories and been unprepared for the realities of marriage. Realities that are not glamorous or exciting, like the stomach flu, exhaustion from being up all night with a baby with colic, moving past infatuation to a deepened love, money struggles, and on and on. Love can be great forever, but the story doesn't end at the wedding. It's just beginning, with all the ups and downs of real life.

Life happens. It disappoints us. Things don't turn out the way we planned. We can't always have our way. What stories are we telling our children? Are we preparing them for a life of frustration when life doesn't live up to their expectations? Or are we preparing them for life as it really is: messy, awful, wonderful, disappointing, glorious? Are we preparing them to live with life as it really is?

Dora might teach how to speak Spanish and how to follow a map, but I don't think she helps much with this skill. I'm glad there are stories out there like Fancy Nancy that do.

multitudes on monday (46-50)

2011-09-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy week...Lots of exhaustion...plenty of busyness...dealing with potty training again...and a pretty darn awful case of what appeared to be TMJ. Those are the kinds of weeks when it goes everything in me to be thankful. Instead, I want to complain...or better yet, climb into a hole somewhere. But God calls me to "give thanks in all circumstances," and if I try hard enough, I can see His light peeking through the darkness. Here's what I'm thankful for today:

46. The ability to chew. This is definitely something I take for granted. But this week when even trying to chew a raisin or soft pasta was agonizing, I started to feel more grateful for the ability to chew. What a blessing it is to be able to enjoy food as I usually do.

47. Friends who gave me lots of helpful, funny, encouraging advice in the midst of this painful episode. And the result being that my jaw is feeling better every day. Thanks be to God!

48. The way exhaustion, pain, or struggles with toddler wills lead me to God. Without such struggles, would I seek God earnestly? I don't know (but doubt it), so I am grateful for the struggles.

49. A husband who "takes over" when I am so exhausted that all I can handle is throwing myself into bed.

50. The blessing of a food processor...and the wonders of pineapple and its benefits for relieving inflammation. Try it sometime!

What are you thankful for today?

toddler anthem: everything comes down to poo!

2011-09-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

For the last week or so, this song has been stuck in my head. A coping strategy? Perhaps. We are making another push for potty training. And suddenly it seems as if my life is consumed with poo. Attempting to make it land in the potty. Cleaning up messes when it doesn't happen. Assessing its basic qualities. Oh, if only I had known how much of parenting involves poo! I had no idea. If you're a parent, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're not, consider yourself warned...

summer vegetable spaghetti

2011-08-30T18:28:00.000-07:00

I got a bounty from the farmer's market this week, so I thought I'd adapt my usual spaghetti sauce recipe to incorporate some of my delicious fresh veggies.

Here's the recipe:

SUMMER VEGETABLE SPAGHETTI
For the sauce:
4-5 cloves of garlic, minced
2 medium onion, diced
1 large carrot, peeled and diced
1/2 cup zucchini, diced
3-15 oz. cans of diced tomatoes
1-15 oz. can tomato sauce
1 TBS dried oregano
2 TBS dried basil
1 tsp. fennel seed
Salt and pepper to taste
Extra virgin olive oil
Splash of Balsamic Vinegar

1 lb. of spaghetti

Heat 2 TBS olive oil over medium-high heat in a large dutch oven or similar pan. Add garlic, onion, carrot and zucchini and saute till tender and slightly browned. Add remaining ingredients, including 2 more TBS of olive oil. Heat till boiling then reduce heat and simmer for at least an hour. Right before serving, put in a splash of balsamic vinegar. Serve over whole wheat spaghetti with fresh Parmigiano-Reggiano sprinkled on top. Serve zucchini sauteed in olive oil with salt and fresh ground pepper on the side.

multitudes on monday (41-45)

2011-08-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for:

41. Quality time with my daughter and husband.

42. The way God uses times of distress and trial to draw me deeper into faith.

43. Friends! What joy to spend time talking and just doing life with friends.

44. So much sunshine this summer that a little bit of rain and clouds is welcome.

45. That God's mercies are new every morning and that every day is a new day!

What are YOU thankful for today?

Split Rock Cafe sandwich

2011-08-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

I posted this weekend about winning a contest on Split Rock Cafe's Facebook page to come up with an idea for a special of the day. I won a free lunch (who ever told you there's no such thing?) as a result. Their contest is ongoing, so you might want to check out their Facebook page and give it a try too!

Here are a couple pics from a delightful cafe I had never visited before, which deserves to get a lot more attention. I was impressed with the freshness of their ingredients, their friendly staff, and their bright decor:

Delicious fresh salad with a homemade cherry vinaigrette.

Tender, succulent pulled pork sandwich with Flathead cherry barbecue sauce. Savory and delicious!

the farmer's market is my happy place

2011-08-27T12:31:00.000-07:00

Check out the colors on this beautiful farmer's market produce!

One of the best parts about living in the Flathead Valley is the Kalispell Farmer's Market, which takes place every Saturday morning at the mall parking lot. Whereas many farmer's markets have very few vendors and high prices, this market has a wonderful variety of goods and vendors, along with pretty affordable prices.

When I lived overseas as a child, I used to love to go to the outdoor markets carrying our woven re-usable shopping bags to watch Mom bargain for vegetables, fruit, fish, and meat. The smells, the bright colors, the warm sun, the sounds of many voices haggling together...I have many happy memories. When I step into any outdoor market, I feel welcomed back into that special time in my childhood.

Find of the day: zucchini bigger than my head for 50 cents!

On a typical day at the Kalispell Farmer's Market, you will find vendors selling artwork, wooden toys, handmade soap, local honey, local pork, fresh vegetables, fresh plants, fresh cut flowers, local cherries, sewn crafts, locally made organic spice mixes, clothing...you name it. I love wandering down the aisles of vendors, a Pain au Chocolat in hand (baked that morning by a vendor), holding my daughter's hand, enjoying the warm sunshine, shopping bag over my arm. It's my happy place. Too bad summer will be over soon.

P.S. I plan to throw most of the veggies in the first photo (except the tomatoes) into a Sweet and Sour Chicken Stir-fry for supper. It's one of my favorite ways to prepare lots of fresh veggies, and believe me, there is no comparison between store-bought veggies and fresh-from-the-garden veggies. None.