come visit me on my new website!

Change is in the air! Today I launched my new website, Rebecca Florence Miller, over at Wordpress.com.

Writing here at Flathead Mama has been amazing. It has been a healing place for me and has reawakened the love of writing in my heart. I have loved sharing the amazing experience of being the mom of two incredible little people. But lately it has become more and more clear to me that I'm starting to get boxed in by the "mommy blog" niche. Not only that, but as my kids get older, I will become more limited in the detail I can or should share about their lives. They will be entitled to more and more privacy.

Beyond that, I really want to move to a more professional presence on the web. I want to blog one or two or three posts per month and really craft my writing. I want to open my writing up to a wider audience. I want to write about faith, the arts, politics. I want to do more to promote my editing business. And I am embracing a sleek, more visual website that is better adapted to where the web is at now.

I may still blog here at Flathead Mama from time to time when I have a mommy blog-related thought to share. But my main home is now going to be over at Wordpress.

Thank you for the amazing ride here at Flathead Mama, dear readers! Your response to what I have written has fueled my love of writing! You have restored so much passion and joy to my life. You have encouraged me in so many ways. I am deeply grateful for you all!

Now please follow me over to Wordpress and take a moment to like my new Facebook page too.

Thank you! I love you all!--Rebecca

Janelle Alvstad-Mattson: Actress and All-Around Creative Mom

Janelle on the set of Parent Stories.

I came know Janelle Alvstad-Mattson through marriage; her husband, Neil, was one of my husband's best friends in high school. I've only met Janelle in person once, but she has been an incredible source of encouragement, support, and creativity through our online friendship. I am particularly grateful to her for her tender heart and good sense advice through many struggles and questions with my first baby. She's one of those moms who makes you feel better about yourself and reassured. Janelle is very creative, particularly with theatre and with art. I hope you enjoy her thoughts!

What are your primary outlets for creativity?  Tell us a little about your background and how you developed these creative skills.

I'm kind of an artistic dilettante. I've always been pretty good (but not great) at lots of things. Theatre is my favorite creative expression (I grew up in community theatre and studied it in college), but it's also the most difficult to do while juggling "real life." I sing A LOT, both real songs and silly songs with made-up lyrics. For the most part my kids like this, but my daughter went through a phase around 18 months where she didn't like it when I sang. "No mommy sing, please!" was her favorite phrase. I paint, I sew, I write, I take pictures. About the only thing I don't do is scrapbook.  

Do you think creativity is important as a mom?  Why or why not?

I think everyone needs some kind of creative outlet, mothers included. Having some way to express yourself or create something is good for the soul. Some people write, some people craft, some sing, others garden. Finding time to be creative in my own way is difficult, but necessary for me to feel fulfilled. 

Having some way to express yourself or create something is good for the soul.

What is a time in your life when you felt most fulfilled creatively?

Most recently I was in a play called Parent Stories. It was a community-based play written and performed by local parents with many of the scenes based on real life experiences. Even though I discovered that I prefer doing shows that are already written, it still felt fabulous to be up on stage after an 8-year absence.  

How did time or energy for creativity change after you became a mom?

I'm a stay-at-home mom and always feel like a salmon swimming upstream: housework, cooking, cleaning, committees at church and schools, etc. I don't get a lot of me time in general, and when I do I often want to turn off my brain and veg in front of a TV show. I've found that the creative projects I do end up doing tend to be projects for the children or with them. Instead of painting, I decorate birthday cake. Instead of sewing a new purse, I make "moon dough" for the kids. It still fulfills a creative need in me, just in a different way. If I'm doing a long-term project (like a painting or sewing project), I found it's much easier to leave it out so I can work on it when I find a moment here or there.

Do you ever feel guilty about making time for creativity?  How do you cope with that?

I try not to feel guilty about it. I think it's important for my kids to see me doing things that I enjoy in order to inspire them to do things they enjoy.

Have you ever felt pressured to express creativity in exactly the same way as some other mom (maybe a friend or a mom on Pinterest or a blog)?  In what way?  Have you found any ways to get past these pressures?  How?

I know some people do, but I don't really feel that kind of pressure. I'm usually just inspired by Pinterest and other places where people share ideas. 

Have you found any ways to use your creative skills with your kids?

When my kids were very young, our town didn't have a preschool music class, so I created one I called "Toddler Jams." Last spring I taught an Intro to Theatre enrichment class at my daughter's school. It was so much fun to teach kindergartners and first graders! At the end they performed a few short scenes for their parents, including "It's a Hard Knock Life" from Annie. 

One of Janelle's birthday cakes.

I also make cakes. Someone told me I was a really good mom because I custom-make cakes for my kids' birthdays. Ironically, the cakes are really more for a creative outlet for me than to please the kids. That's just a nice side effect. I couldn't do it as any kind of job though, as I'd eat my weight in buttercream on a daily basis! 

Tell us what you love about the unique ways you express creativity. 

Because I'm kind of a "jack-of-all-trades," I find myself sprinkling creativity all around the house. I feel good about what I've made every time I see my son's hot-air balloon shirt, my lime green wall mural, my woodblock photo, etc. 

Try to find easy creative boosts that give you some "immediate gratification," even if it's different than your normal creative endeavors.

What advice would you give to a mom who feels that since having kids, she has “lost herself”?

Try to find easy creative boosts that give you some "immediate gratification," even if it's different than your normal creative endeavors. If you knit, rather than knitting a sweater, make a flower brooch. If you write, find a moment to challenge yourself with a poem of a certain meter. If you paint, paint your own picture when you set up painting for the kids. Tempera is a totally legit medium.

A mural Janelle worked on.

Janelle Alvstad-Mattson is the Coordinator of Domestic Affairs at Mattson Household Enterprises. She created and maintains the Ithaca Family Fun website, a labor of love and another creative outlet. She also has a blog, Living Gorges  in conjunction with the website. Janelle lives in Ithaca, New York with her 4-H sweetheart, Neil, and their 2 towheaded children. 

Sandi Martin: Finances Can Be Creative (MamaTalk: Creativity)

Sandi says: "This is what creativity looks like to me."

When I was just getting started as a blogger, Sandi Martin was an encourager and a great source of information. I loved following her blog, The Mrs., and enjoying her tongue-in-cheek humor and good-heartedness. Oh, and we shared a really big appreciation for the virtues of butter. Sandi's big area is finances and I really wanted to include her in a discussion of creativity to show that one size does not fit all when it comes to what makes us moms feel alive. After all, if we were all the same, that wouldn't be very creative, now would it? Without further ado, here's what Sandi has to say:

 

What are your primary outlets for creativity?  Tell us a little about your background and how you developed these creative skills.

I’m creative at entrepreneurship. I started a one-woman financial planning practice in January of this year, and have been website-building, blog-writing, tweeting, Google-plussing, and--most importantly--planning my face off since my client acquisition efforts gained momentum about five months in. Every day I’m either working with money or writing about money, and that fact alone is enough to make me do a happy dance...when I’m not at my wit’s end trying to be a full-time mother of three and full-time businesswoman using overlapping hours of the exact same day.

Do you think creativity is important as a mom?  Why or why not?

Creativity is as important as you let it be. If on one of my more stressed-out, stretched-to-my-limit days someone collared me and told me that if only I was more creative it would solve everything, well...there’d be trouble. But on good days, when I have enough mental capital to spend some on navel-gazing, I’m rational enough to realize that when I’ve made time to do what I love, it’s easier to love what I do in the rest of the time, even if it’s just climbing Mount Laundry.

 

What is a time in your life when you felt most fulfilled creatively?

Now. Without a doubt, I’ve never felt more creatively fulfilled than I do right now. I’m building a business around my family, according to my rules. I’m producing a service that has the potential to change lives, and--get this--people are paying me for what’s already in my brain. It’s given me the opportunity to write for multiple publications, and--because I’ve recognized my limits--it’s allowed me to slow down my posting schedule at The Mrs and relax into my true writing voice (which is High Nonsense, for those of you unfamiliar with my cherished alter-ego.)

How did time or energy for creativity change after you became a mom?

It disappeared, although I wasn’t using it much before I became a mother anyway. Oh, I painted and organized and gardened, but mostly I read. I used to walk around in downtown Toronto for hours with my face buried in a book, or spend an entire lazy Saturday on the couch with two or three favourite re-reads, only pausing for a few minutes to pee or get more junk food. There wasn’t anything else I really wanted to do with my time anyway.

 

Do you ever feel guilty about making time for creativity?  How do you cope with that?

No, I never do, and there are two very precise reasons for that:

1. The business I’m building is built around family time, meaning: I wake up at five to get a solid hour and a half of work in before the rest of the family wakes up. I take forty-five minues of Sesame Street time while my two youngest are having a snack to get some more work done. Nap time gives me another hour and a half - two, if I’m lucky. The kids go to bed between seven and seven-thirty, which gives me another two concentrated hours of evening work before I close the laptop and watch Dr. Who with my husband.

2. My version of creativity happens to make money. I’m bringing in a full-time income without having to pay for daycare. Who’s going to argue with that?

 

Have you ever felt pressured to express creativity in exactly the same way as some other mom (maybe a friend or a mom on Pinterest or a blog)?  In what way?  Have you found any ways to get past these pressures?  How?

I have a very dear friend who is the most mind-blowingly creative person I know. Everything she touches is beautiful, modern, clever, or cute (most things are all four.) There was a very long span of time during which I was very, very jealous of her abilities, but--fortunately for me, because she’s one of my best friends now--that was many years of self-reflection and tough honesty ago. It took a long time, and some purposeful self-denial before I could enjoy her creativity without worrying about my own, but these days I just sit back and reap the rewards of having such an extraordinarily gifted friend.

 

"Other people in my house being creative."

Have you found any ways to use your creative skills with your kids?

Heh. Unless you’re talking about my ability to make anything into a (badly sung) song, then no. As much as I’d love to pat myself on the back and talk about what a good example of a working woman I am to my daughters and son, that would make me barf. I’m pretty sure that they truly believe that my work involves sitting in front of computers and typing gibberish (some days I’m pretty sure of that myself). There are lots of other things we do together that are classically “creative,” but my own unique brand of creativity is hard to share with three kids under five.

 

Tell us what you love about the unique ways you express creativity. 

Honestly, I love that my version of creativity creates money. What a classic money-nerd answer, eh? My personality is one that craves approval (functional first-borns in the room, raise your hands), so the fact that complete strangers want to quote me, or publish my writing, or even--gasp!--pay me to wade through their financial lives and make sense of it all? I get to do what I love and be approved while I do it? Sign me up.

 

What advice would you give to a mom who feels that since having kids, she has “lost herself”?

My short answer is a financial planning joke:

Q. What’s the one answer that’s guaranteed to be right one-hundred percent of the time?

A. It depends.

(Wild laughter)

The longer answer is this, and I’m agreeing to give advice only because we all know that most advice applies only to the person giving it: 

Get up early in the morning - at least an hour before anyone else. Brew some coffee (tea, if you must, but in the full knowledge that I’m judging you for it), take a walk, read a book. Don’t make any noise--not just because you don’t want to wake up the kids, but so you can be alone inside your own head for a while. Do it for a couple of days a week and see what kind of creativity starts to coalesce in your mind. Repeat. If you can’t create more time for yourself in the morning, find ways to decrease your workload, either by hiring a housecleaner for three hours every other week, getting someone to babysit for an hour every Wednesday, or just letting the Cheerios sit on the floor and the laundry pile up (higher) for a while. Fill that space up with something that you love, even if it’s just reading a book. (Dusts off hands, happy to have fixed the universe)

Sandi has been writing nonsense at The Mrs(http://www.themrs.ca) since 2010 and less nonsense at Spring Personal Finance(http://blog.springpersonalfinance.com) since January 1st, 2013 (she likes tidy fiscal years). She has three kids, no cats, and one husband.

Samantha Schurke: Interior Designer (MamaTalk: Creativity)

I got to know interior designer Samantha Schurke through my local MOPS group and other community and church activities. Even though Sam is incredibly visual and gifted at any kind of artistic or craft endeavor and I am more geared toward words, we have found so much in common. In fact, conversations with her about creativity and how it functions in the life of a mom were a big part of the catalyst for this series. I so appreciate her honesty about the challenges; you can always count on Sam to be open and honest and real. I also greatly appreciate her dogged ability to keep pursuing the gifts God has given her, even through the challenges that having a young family and a young family business bring about. I hope you enjoy her perspective and visit her websites!

What are your primary outlets for creativity?  Tell us a little about your background and how you developed these creative skills.
Since I was a little girl, I have been interested in art and design.  My dad and I would draw up floor plans for new tree houses and forts that we would build. We would make material lists of what we needed and go shopping for hardware.  Painting and setting up the new room, fort or yard was my favorite part.  Then I was over it, ready to move on to the next project.

After taking a couple of years off after high school, I started looking into Interior Design and Industrial Design programs.  I ended up receiving a Bachelor of Arts in Interior Design.  I currently work for myself, subcontracting to companies, offering professional interior design services, visual boards, rendering and CAD work.  I mainly work with commercial interiors.  That is how my creative brain pays the bills.  I also enjoy sewing, DIY projects, and continually trying to expand my knowledge of graphic design.

Do you think creativity is important as a mom?  Why or why not?
Being a mom forces you to be creative, whether you know it or not. It requires out of the box thinking to come up with new creative solutions every day. As moms, I think it is important to have CONFIDENCE in our creativity.

What is a time in your life when you felt most fulfilled creatively?
Exactly two years ago this week, I was submitting a full-scale design package to Hilton Hotels for approval of a three-story hotel remodel.  It was accepted and praised by my customers and the reviewers.  This was a huge project that was a culmination of about a year’s worth of programming and design phases.  I had never worked on such a large-scale project before and the results were very successful.  At the time of the submission, I was too overworked and stressed to feel proud of this accomplishment, but now, looking back, I feel so thankful to have had the opportunity and to have made it out in one piece.

My son celebrates his 2^nd birthday this Friday… you do the math.

How did time or energy for creativity change after you became a mom?

I usually have the energy to explore new creative pursuits; the time is another story.  In my line of work, innovation and continuing education are imperative.  I struggle with feeling like I am not current with trends, products, and technologies. Before having my kids, I would be constantly gathering information and resources during my free time.  This opportunity no longer exists.  I spend (eat) a significant amount of time at the beginning of each project refreshing and collecting new information.  It is frustrating at times to not have the time that I desire to “learn” about my ever-changing field.

Do you ever feel guilty about making time for creativity?  How do you cope with that?

I don’t.  Sometimes I have a hard time justifying it to others though.  Creativity is my “hobby.”  I don’t go skiing or watch sports on TV or collect action figures.  I create.  I have always been flexible with how my creative outlets are dispersed.  I find the need to draw or sketch random thoughts or ideas on scratch paper all over my house.  This gets it out in little spurts.   Sometimes my creative pursuits spill over into day-to-day functions, like drawing pictures of what I need at the grocery store instead of making a list.  I’m ok with that.

Sometimes my creative pursuits spill over into day-to-day functions, like drawing pictures of what I need at the grocery store instead of making a list.  I’m ok with that.

Have you ever felt pressured to express creativity in exactly the same way as some other mom (maybe a friend or a mom on Pinterest or a blog)?  In what way?  Have you found any ways to get past these pressures?  How?

I feel the pressure to start a blog.  Blogs are such an awesome outlet for creative people to put their ideas out into the world.  I love DIY and interior design blogs and often think, I should do that!  As you can probably tell by now, writing is not my gift.  I draw, sketch, layout, design, organize, and format.  Writing a blog requires content and I have no desire or skill to document the written word so why do I think I want to blog?

I think sometimes I get lost in my creative pursuits and have to backtrack, reminding myself what I really want to do, and refocus on what I am good at.

Have you found any ways to use your creative skills with your kids?

We draw, paint or cut something out and glue something else back together daily. This is fun for me. I like crafting and so do my kiddos so that is a great creative outlet.

As for my design background, up until now, not really. Besides making overly-elaborate scale models of castles out of paper mache for a Valentine box, my skills are not really needed or appreciated by my children as of yet. However, my days of tree-house building are right around the corner and I will celebrate the day my boys ask me for help drawing up the floor plan for their creation. I just hope that I can have the maturity to not just take over the project. 

Tell us what you love about the unique ways you express creativity. 

I like to create things that are my own. However, I have always done a good job being able to balance it with learning from what others have done. “There is no original thought.” “Don’t reinvent the wheel.”  Brilliant people have been coming up with creative solutions since the beginning of time. Especially now, in our technologically-rich world, we have access to resources that those even a generation ago did not get to utilize.  Take the project, research what others have done, and put a new spin on your solution.  I love that I live in a world that has such excellent access to ideas.

What advice would you give to a mom who feels that since having kids, she has “lost herself”?

I guess it is just like anything else.  You just have to make it a priority to carve out the time for it. Just like date night: schedule it.  Put it on the calendar: "Tuesday the fourth--FIND SELF!" I think it has also been helpful to me to find a way to contribute financially using my creative skills.  My husband is much more supportive of creative time when it has a paycheck attached.  I am not always doing exactly the dream scenario that I envisioned myself, but I am using my creative brain and trying to be flexible.

Samantha says: I live with my husband, two boys and seventeen sled dogs in Bigfork, MT.  In addition to my family, I share my home with many visitors throughout the year that come in conjunction with my family's other business, Base Camp Bigfork. Base Camp Bigfork provides year-round lodging, guided services, and equipment rental for those recreating in the Flathead Valley.  I spend much of my creative time these days volunteering with my local MOPS group where I have the privilege of thinking of fun and creative things for sixty-four wonderful women to do throughout the year. It is a good life. You can see examples of my Interior Design work through my website www.schurkedesignservices.com or by calling 871-9727 to set up a time to meet, in my office, at 8525 MT Hwy 35, Bigfork, MT.

Crafter Mama: Salena Adams (MamaTalk: Creativity)

A collage of some of Salena's crafty projects.

After a week's hiatus, we're back again with more MamaTalk: Creativity.  Today I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Salena Adams.  I met Salena through my local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group one year.  She is a talented seamstress and an encouraging friend with a heart for the home.  I hope you enjoy her thoughts.  And check out some of her beautiful projects above!

What are your primary outlets for creativity?  Tell us a little about your background and how you developed these creative skills. 
I never really considered myself all that creative before I had kids.  I did some scrap-booking and a tiny bit of sewing, but if you asked for a creative person I certainly wouldn’t have been the one to raise my hand.  I think things changed after I had kids.  I needed an outlet other than taking care of family.  I got more into crafting for myself always with a practical bent to it.  I never liked just making “something pretty.”  I wanted it to be functional too.  One January, I wrote a list of goals (not resolutions, per se) for the year.  Top of the list was getting comfortable with my sewing machine.  I learned a lot in that year and have really come to enjoy the process of sewing.  I think I like figuring out the project as much or more than the actual sewing. I’m not one to use or follow patterns exactly, much like my cooking, but I think I find freedom in that from my normally perfectionist nature.

Also I am a children’s leader at Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).  This allows me to use my creativity to customize activities to go along with our lessons.  BSF has an excellent framework for teaching while allowing flexibility in the specifics.  It’s been fun to tailor my free play, large muscle and rhythm activities to run the thread of the lesson all through the morning.  Also there is the inherent need to creatively keep the attention of a class of twenty four-year-olds.

Do you think creativity is important as a mom? Why or why not? 
I think creativity for me as a mom is important.  Having something beyond the basics of keeping my family fed and cared for helps me be a better mom. 

What is a time in your life when you felt most fulfilled creatively?
Right now. I have a weekly outlet for my creativity at BSF.  

How did time or energy for creativity change after you became a mom? 
Like I said before, I wasn’t that creative before I had kids so I think it stayed about the same. My kids are older now which makes it easier to be creative with them around.

Do you ever feel guilty about making time for creativity?  How do you cope with that? 
I don’t feel guilty about taking time for myself.  I generally do big projects when the kids are asleep or otherwise occupied.  If I have some creative time I am less stressed, more balanced and a much more fun mom to be around.  It’s a win win for everyone.

Have you ever felt pressured to express creativity in exactly the same way as some other mom (maybe a friend or a mom on Pinterest or a blog)?  In what way?  Have you found any ways to get past these pressures?  How? 
There are lots of cool things on Pinterest, but sometimes I just have to not look at it at all. If I’m looking for something specific it can be helpful but not just for browsing.   I can’t try and live like someone else.  I think evaluating if a project is really “me” or not takes a lot of the stress out of it. It also makes me think of this quote:

“There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”
― Jill Churchill

 Everyone has their strengths and I think you need to play to your own.

  

Have you found any ways to use your creative skills with your kids?

We always make cards for relatives for birthdays, holidays, etc.  Also we make most of our gifts.  So, depending on the gifts, they may make most of it or just help me pick out materials.

Tell us what you love about the unique ways you express creativity. 
I love that what I do (sewing, crafting, etc.) can be done at home with my family.  I don’t have to leave the house to do something creative.  That allows me to do little projects, or parts of projects, without disrupting the flow of our day.  And now that the kids are getting older and more able to participate it makes it even more fun. I also love being able to make gifts for people.  Not only is it generally economical, it’s fun to be able personalize each item.

What advice would you give to a mom who feels that since having kids, she has “lost herself”?
I think she would have to figure out what is going to refresh her.  It may be carving out some time to do that favorite thing she did before kids. But on the other hand it may be doing something completely different that she can incorporate into her life with kids.  And it may very well be a balance of the two.

Salena Adams lives in Kalispell, MT with her husband Dave and their two children.

Little Locals' Owner, Jessica Eliason (MamaTalk: Creativity)

I've gotten to know Jessica Eliason through her amazing shop in downtown Kalispell, Little Locals.  I wrote about buying my cloth diapers there previously when it was called Blooming Bellies.  Jessica is that rarest of business owners who goes completely out of her way to help people find answers to their questions.  I mean, seriously, when I was battling the case of the stinky ammonia diapers, she was on top of it with me, bending over backwards to help me figure it out.  She is an amazing source of information but she is also an incredibly kind and caring lady with a great capacity for creativity.  Her shop is full of beautiful apparel for kids, creative (and safe) toys, feeding gear, diapering gear, and everything else that you need for the modern kid and modern mom.  It's an awesome place to shop for yourself or to buy a baby shower gift!  The store is set up beautifully and Jessica's talent is obvious.  I hope she keeps on thriving and I hope that after you read her thoughts, you head on over and visit her store!

What are your primary outlets for creativity?  Tell us a little about your background and how you developed these creative skills.
Pre-children, my outlets were cooking, crafting, sewing, and writing.  And probably a lot of other "outlets" I funneled creativity into that don't really have a solid label.  After having one child, I did pretty well keeping most of those outlets alive and well.  During my second pregnancy, nausea subsided and creativity kicked in in full force.  I opened a maternity and children's boutique in a few weeks, fueled by my mid-pregnancy energy surge and a general excitement about creating a space where I could earn an income, have my children with me, and be creative.  It was months after giving birth (to the shop, and to my second daughter) when I realized that my dusty old fashion design degree was what made it possible to just whip up a boutique.  But once the "creating" became overshadowed by the everyday obligations of being a business owner, it became a real challenge to find opportunities (and TIME) to keep those juices flowing.  It comes in spurts now, and I am currently in a phase of reminding myself how important it is to KEEP BEING CREATIVE, for me. It's part of my life force, and I become a cranky mama when I can't find the space for that part of my being!

Do you think creativity is important as a mom?  Why or why not? 
Wow. Loaded question. Creativity is important as a mom because you certainly need to be creative to get through parenting alive and well!  But, finding time to be creative as a mom can be challenging depending on your organization skills (mine need polishing!) and how you tackle that creative urge.  You can craft with your kids, you can bake beautiful birthday cakes each year...but if your creative urge is to lock yourself in your craft room and sew, you can end up having to bottle that urge. So, yes, it's very important to be creative if you have an inner urge to do so, because it's what makes some of us feel whole and complete.  Finding time to be whole and complete as a mom is probably another blog post though!!

What is a time in your life when you felt most fulfilled creatively?
 I would have to go back to the shop again, citing that time of my life as the MOST CREATIVE and FULFILLED I've been in a very long time. I was building a life inside me, building a family, and building a space in my community inspired by my own upbringing and love for textiles and natural child rearing.

I was building a life inside me, building a family, and building a space in my community inspired by my own upbringing and love for textiles and natural child rearing.

How did time or energy for creativity change after you became a mom?
As the children increased, the energy decreased and the time for creativity seemed to dwindle. I became cranky! I found that it's all part of finding my center.  If creativity is important to me--is part of the definition of me--then I guess I better become more organized, more CREATIVE in finding the time to exercise that creativity.

Do you ever feel guilty about making time for creativity?  How do you cope with that?
I do not hold guilt over this, no.  I have frustrations, when the time feels nearly impossible to find, but guilt doesn't come into play for me.  My husband loves to ski, to bike.  Now that we are a family of four with a house, two jobs (one being a business I own and run), and a home-schooled child, we have to work a lot harder to find time to do those things that made us who we were before marriage, before kids.  So we might get frustrated and agitated, but I never push guilt on him when he needs to take off and go ski.  And - when I have the energy! -I lock myself in my sewing room, completely guilt free.

Have you ever felt pressured to express creativity in exactly the same way as some other mom (maybe a friend or a mom on Pinterest or a blog)?  In what way?  Have you found any ways to get past these pressures?  How?
Probably not, because art and expression have been a part of my life since day one.  I always feel like I am in good company when I meet other moms who have a flair for creating things--whether it's clay or fabric or cake!  Art has always been something that comes from inside for me. I can't make my insides match another mom's insides and that really isn't the point, is it?  Art is unique by nature.  Pinterest is great eye candy, but, truthfully, taking any more than an inspiration away from it can make you feel like a failure--and that really nixes creativity!

Have you found any ways to use your creative skills with your kids?
Truth telling time.  I really like to be independent in my creativity, so for me it's never expressed itself as sitting down with my girls for craft hour.  Eden is still too young, but is very happy with paper and crayons. In fact, she is very creative herself with story telling, drawings, facial expressions!  Clarise has taken to crafting on her own. She loves to cut fabrics and sew tooth fairy pillows, doll capes, you name it.  Any new type of crafting she can imagine, she tries her hand at.  I love that my own creative urges are separate from hers. Even when she would like to be a part of what I'm doing,  it's a separate activity that she continues in her own time as well.

Tell us what you love about the unique ways you express creativity.  
 Well that's something I've never really thought about - with not having enough time to be creative these days!  But I guess I would express how being creative has transformed as I've transformed, with age and experience and wisdom.  I am so very thankful that I was given the gift of creativity and that I have the ability to find a variety of ways to express myself creatively when the urge hits.  So even when I can't get into the sewing room, I can sit down with a pencil and paper or I can tear a display down at the shop and start fresh.  Some days, it might be something as lousy as a Facebook post that leaves me feeling expressed, and some days that has to be enough

What advice would you give to a mom who feels that since having kids, she has “lost herself”? 
Rant and rave about not having enough time for yourself until your husband thinks you're crazy and hormonal. Fear and survival mode will kick in for him and he'll offer to take the kids whenever you need so you can make time for you!  Kidding.  Hopefully, it doesn't have to go that route.  Usually when it does, it's because we've ignored ourselves for too long.  And really, that is no one's fault but our own.

I think it's important to remember that finding "me time" is something we have to pro-actively DO.  Carve time out: go to the gym and think, go to yoga, go to the library WITHOUT your kids (I know, who does THAT?!).  Go somewhere where you can be alone in your thoughts, whether that is your Church, your closest coffee shop, or a hiking trail.  Remember what you used to love and try new things.  Make yourself a priority and re-connect with you.  Ask your friends what they do, because some of us don't like to go it alone. Putting our heads together can bring really great ideas to the forefront.  And once you remember what it was that made you YOU or find something new that strikes a nerve, put it on the calendar.  And when it doesn't work out, LET IT GO.  And try again.

 When it doesn't work out, LET IT GO.  And try again.

Jessica says: I'm a mom and many other things. I own a downtown shop in Kalispell, MT (Little Locals) where I come to work as many days a week as I can, often late, with two kids in tow and hopefully enough snacks to make it through the day.  My husband has to help us get out the door sometimes, and sometimes he's already gone himself.  We have great dreams and are currently making the best of what we have. 

Musical Mama: Emily Rice (MamaTalk: Creativity)

Emily Rice and I met one summer when we were both working as counselors at Riverside Bible Camp in Story City, IA (also known as one of the best summers of my life).  We have continued our friendship through the years as we both got married, moved around, and had kids.  Some days, I think we connected on Facebook around big ideas just to keep our minds active and to continue to have grown-up conversations.  Emily is a gifted musician and one of the smartest people I know.  She is also a strong Christian and no matter what the topic, she manages to bring insight and depth to conversation.  I hope you enjoy her insights as we continue

What are your primary outlets for creativity?  Tell us a little about your background and how you developed these creative skills.

It seems like my primary outlets for creativity are constantly changing. I am a pianist and music has been the longest and most consistent outlet for creativity and also the one in which I am most accomplished. It's definitely the outlet that I am most emotionally invested in. In consulting, I am paid to problem-solve creatively in specific situations, to think creatively and consider multiple perspectives when forming plans and strategies, and to take a basic framework of best practices and use it to mold processes, procedures, and documents that are appropriate for a particular business. This is the outlet that I find most energizing. I also love to cook and I've found that eating new foods while savoring the flavor can be a fulfilling creative experience. Mostly, I love to learn and develop new skills to the point that I can make those skills my own, and even teach them to another person. I could say that the process of skill development is another outlet for creativity and I exhibit this in different ways at different times.

Do you think creativity is important as a mom?  Why or why not?

Absolutely! I think an essential part of creativity is the ability to withhold judgement on what something currently is, and instead look to what that thing is becoming. It's what allows me to get through the hours of repetitive practice that lead to muscle memory so that I can focus on the more artistic aspects of preparing a piece of music, or to trust that the lumpy mess that exists in the pan right after I pour broth into a roux will eventually become a lovely gravy. It's also what allows me to see some of the more frustrating aspects of my kids' behaviors as opportunities to shape our relationship and their characters. Some days, we are right in that lumpy mess stage, and if I hadn't had the experience of seeing something messy through to fruition, I might be concerned that the selfish, opinionated, short-tempered person who is screaming random demands at the top of her lungs would never become a responsible, caring member of society. But I know that sometimes the mess is part of the process, so I'm able to see that she's trying to learn to express her opinions and her emotions appropriately, but gets overwhelmed. It's frustrating to need to have enough perspective for both of us, but creativity definitely helps with that, too. I think most of my perspective comes from creative endeavors; the process of creating and becoming and trying things out is probably the most concrete experience I have of God's grace, and the ability to recognize that something isn't what it's meant to be, while recognizing it's value and ability to become something more than it's current state, is really the core of my understanding of sanctification. When it comes down to it, my relationship with God and understanding of His character is the single most important thing that impacts my parenting, and creativity is the biggest facilitator of that for me. It's what allows me to integrate all the knowledge I gain from Bible Study into something that is more real than words.

I know that sometimes the mess is part of the process.

What is a time in your life when you felt most fulfilled creatively?

College was an amazing time for me. I was able to be involved in a lot of different types of music, was in a leadership development program that allowed me to mentor other leaders on campus, was in a lot of collaborative teams, had time for knitting and crafting with friends of mine, and had opportunities to try new things and hear new ideas constantly. It was also the time when I was most challenged to integrate the lessons I was learning in a variety of fields into something comprehensive. I would learn things that seemed to contradict one another, and I felt compelled to find a way to fit them together. It shaped my view of problem-solving immensely, and it seemed like the whole world of ideas opened up and became a place to explore and move and create. At some point, contradiction stopped seeming like a problem to me and started to seem like an opportunity to better understand God's view of the world.

At some point, contradiction stopped seeming like a problem to me and started to seem like an opportunity to better understand God's view of the world.

How did time or energy for creativity change after you became a mom?

With my oldest daughter, I had a C-section, which made it impossible for me to play piano at all for several weeks, and I couldn't play anything above an elementary level for about 6 months. Then I got pregnant again when she was less than a year old, so by the time my 2nd daughter was born, my core strength was all but gone. 18 months after her birth, I have rebuilt a lot of my strength (due in large part to working with a personal trainer for several months). I can now practice for a substantive period of time and am rebuilding my technique. I really feel like physically I am starting from the ground up, even though I have a very advanced knowledge of what I'm doing and have had muscle memory of the pieces I'm practicing. It's more frustrating than fulfilling at this point, but I have times when I get into the flow of practice and feel like I'm making progress.

I changed my whole work schedule once my oldest was born and spent a lot more time alone with her, so it seemed like I had both more and less time, but never time and energy at the same time. That's when I really started exploring using cooking as an outlet for creativity: I needed to do it anyway and had carved out time for it. I began knitting after the baby was asleep; I could just veg in front of the TV and still feel that I was accomplishing something. I guess I ended up being creative about ways to express my creativity.

Once I started working again, I found that I was really taxing my energy for creativity. I think that creating your own job from scratch requires a lot of energy in general, but even more so when you have "mommy brain." Creative thought took so much longer after I had kids, and I struggled a lot with blaming myself for not being as sharp as I was before. I'm getting quicker again now that both kids sleep consistently through the night, but it has been a long road. I think the real irony of having energy for creativity is that you don't have any until you get into the flow of being creative, and creating space for that flow saps your energy. You have to be willing to be at a deficit for a while, knowing that the pay-off will be greater.

I think the real irony of having energy for creativity is that you don't have any until you get into the flow of being creative, and creating space for that flow saps your energy. You have to be willing to be at a deficit for a while, knowing that the pay-off will be greater.

Do you ever feel guilty about making time for creativity?  How do you cope with that?

I feel less guilty as my children get older and more independent in their own creative pursuits. I used to feel like I had to limit my creative time to when the kids were asleep and be available for them at all times. Now, I recognize the value of them having independent time. They need time for me to be really present with them and to interact with them, but they also need time when I am "absent" in a safe way so that they can start to solve problems for themselves and feel confident in their own abilities. I feel a lot less guilty if I'm including my kids in what I'm doing, but that time ends up being less creative for me, even though it is still an outlet.

Have you ever felt pressured to express creativity in exactly the same way as some other mom (maybe a friend or a mom on Pinterest or a blog)?  In what way?  Have you found any ways to get past these pressures?  How?

I have a lot of friends who are writers, who have blogs or use writing in other ways. That's not me, but because I work with ideas and using information in new ways and because I like to talk about my projects and what I'm learning, people often suggest that I start writing. When I'm focused I write very well and I have always written as part of my career, but it's not a fulfilling creative outlet for me.

I have a lot of creative skills that I don't necessarily feel are primary expressions of my own creativity and over time I've become a lot better at knowing the difference between the things I'm good at versus the things I'm gifted with. I'm a gifted musician: I connect with the music that I'm playing and can pass that connection on to those who are listening, and I find that connection to be an essential part of my skill as a musician. I'm a good writer, but I don't feel the same connection to the readers of my written words as I do to the listeners of my music, or the people who eat my food, or the clients that I work with.

I often feel pressure to produce more in my creative endeavors, because I see what five different people are doing and feel that I should be doing all five of those things. I have always had difficulty truly resting in the fact that I don't have to do everything myself. I love the imagery of the Church as a body because it's a reminder that I don't have to be good at everything, but also a reminder that I can do different things at different times. If I am a hand, I can pick something up, or play a tune, or comfort a child, but I can't do all those things at once. I can drive my self crazy trying, but at least I'm getting better at realizing that I'm judging myself too harshly.

I often feel pressure to produce more in my creative endeavors, because I see what five different people are doing and feel that I should be doing all five of those things.

Have you found any ways to use your creative skills with your kids?

My oldest daughter loves to cook with me and, no matter what I'm making, there's almost always a job that she can do. She is adventurous with her flavors, too. One day she asked for a grilled peanut butter, jelly, and pepper jack cheese sandwich. I thought it sounded crazy, but we made it anyway and it was delicious!

Both my kids like music. When I was first starting to get back into practicing, I would put my oldest in one of those jumpers that you hang from the doorway, and she would jump and dance while I played. We have a lot of instruments around the house, and we play them almost every day. We sing songs about everything, which is a great way to get kids to cooperate. Mary Poppins was right when she said that songs make chores a game.

I also love that music is a physical endeavor, because it gives me a way to talk to my girls about exercise and eating healthy and stewardship of our bodies that isn't about appearances or skinniness or fitting into some preconceived notion of beauty, but instead is a narrative about strength, and joy, and creating something beautiful.

I also love that music is a physical endeavor, because it gives me a way to talk to my girls about exercise and eating healthy and stewardship of our bodies that isn't about appearances or skinniness or fitting into some preconceived notion of beauty, but instead is a narrative about strength, and joy, and creating something beautiful.

Tell us what you love about the unique ways you express creativity. 

Because a lot of my creativity is based on thinking about things differently, anything can be a source of creative inspiration. I especially love using problems or difficult information as a source of inspiration; there is nothing as invigorating as coming into a meeting with people who think they have an insurmountable problem and finding a way for everyone to get what they need.

Music is a different type of love. It is the perfect marriage of something that challenges my mind and my heart. I love that I can sit down with a piece of music that I've never played and analyze the notes on the page and see beauty in that organization before I hear anything. I love that music can express every thought and feeling and prayer, often without any words. When I don't know what I need or want, when I feel adrift, I can pick up a book and find a song that has what I need, and I can know myself better in the process. It is the primary means by which God reveals myself to me, and by which I can be totally vulnerable with God and others.

 
What advice would you give to a mom who feels that since having kids, she has “lost herself”?

Start small. Find one thing that you can do in a short amount of time to get the ball rolling. For me, it was taking care of my nails again. As a pianist, I had to keep my nails trimmed, so the routine of filing my nails and putting lotion on my hands was a small way for me to begin reconnecting with that part of myself. Maybe you have a routine that you used to do when preparing to be creative - pick one part of that routine and start incorporating that into your life again.

Let go of the need to produce anything, at least for a while. If you only have ten minutes, do what you can in ten minutes, and then set it aside. Creativity is like a muscle that needs to be exercised and it might not work in exactly the same way once you have kids, so be gracious with yourself as you re-learn your own method of expressing yourself.

Emily lives in West Des Moines, Iowa, with her husband, two daughters (3 and 1), and cat. She's in the midst of a one year hiatus from working outside the home to help her family transition through a move from the rust belt to the Bible belt. She will know she was successful when there is art on the walls.