Pregnancy has not been good for blogging. I thought it might be. I mean, I could whine and moan about the discomforts of pregnancy for NINE WHOLE MONTHS, right? Ample material! But...I also started to think of how SICK of my whining my friends and readers would get...and how sad my friends who struggle with conceiving might feel...and how STINKIN' TIRED I would be--so tired that even spending time whining and moaning seemed as though it might take too much energy. I remember after my first trimester how I knew I was beginning to feel a bit better because the idea of watching a TV show downstairs on the couch was not so overwhelmingly exhausting (I'd been crashing in bed many hours a day). LAYING ON THE COUCH was exhausting! I mean, seriously! Who can blog?
Not to mention that my blog definitely takes a food slant and just try writing about food when you can't stomach food. Just, ew. Gross.
I have barely cooked for my family in months. Yep, that's right. Me. Flathead Mama. Foodie. More often than not, I find myself getting take-out or making a big salad for dinner. Or a sandwich. Mmmmmm.... Garlic has become persona non grata, which eliminates basically all of my recipes except dessert (although if I had found a way to add garlic to dessert, that probably would be part of my repertoire too!). The first trimester, I couldn't cook or even stand cooking smells in the house. I was craving chili one day and I made my husband cook it on the barbecue grill. A few friends brought me casseroles. BLESS THEM. Because of them, my family could actually eat a few home-cooked meals! And Sweet Peaks...Oh, God bless Sweet Peaks...their creamy, homemade ice cream was one of the few things that tasted really good. Hence, my visits about three times a week. No exaggeration.
And then...just as the afternoon sickness of nausea began to abate, I got a bad sinus infection that turned into a cough that made me throw up (which, strangely enough, I had never done from pregnancy nausea...in either pregnancy!). And then I got food poisoning and had diarrhea for 4 days. I was reminded of the line from The Devil Wears Prada: "I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight." Haha. In a way, it was good. I had gained a little weight before getting pregnant. This equaled me out a little bit. Look on the positive side, I guess. I wouldn't recommend 4 days of diarrhea as the best diet ever though. Don't try this at home.
I got so depleted, I started having what almost felt like contractions. So I had to get checked out at labor and delivery. There was enough instability that they ordered an ultrasound. But ultimately, baby was found to be staying put. I went home, rested, stayed in bed (some more) while my husband did basically everything (some more). BLESS HIM. Without him, I probably couldn't have gotten well. But I did.
The last week or so has been good. We have done more fun things in the last week than in practically the whole pregnancy combined. (Arts Festival! Swimming at the lake! Farmer's Market! Thursday Fest in Kalispell! Movie with the hubby!) I'm tired and sore these days (and suffering from more allergies than usual), but functional. And we found out this week that our baby Bean is a boy, so we have taken to calling him Mr. Bean. I'm feeling him move more and more and so grateful to have gotten this far. So grateful for the husband, daughter, family, and friends who have helped me through the hormones and sickness and difficulties of the first trimester (and part of the second). So grateful to God for sustaining me even through an all-too-frequent negative attitude. So grateful for the good and replenishing activities I've been able to do this week.
I hope with some renewed health and energy, I will be able to post a little more often. But however things work out, know that I plan to be with this blog long-term. Because, well, writing is awesome. And so are my readers.
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Friday, August 10, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
why "The Descendants" meant so much to me
The Descendants won big at the Golden Globes this weekend, taking home the Best Picture, Drama award, as well as Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama award for George Clooney. In addition, young actress Shailene Woodley was nominated for the Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture award. All these Hollywood honors are wonderful, but I think the real test of a great film is its ability to touch our hearts, to connect with us in a universal, lasting way. When we walk away from a film, a validated and more insightful person, we have seen a truly great film.
I saw The Descendants about a week before the Golden Globes and it touched my heart profoundly. It is the story of Matt King, whose wife has just had a water-skiing accident that leaves her in a coma. Shortly after this accident, Matt's teenage daughter, Alexandra, reveals to him that his wife has been having an affair. Matt has hardly been the ideal husband, with little time for his family, but the revelation hits him with shocking impact. He still loves his wife, despite his poor track record as a husband. Around this same time, the doctors give Matt the terrible news that his wife is never going to wake up from her coma. This news is made particularly devastating because Matt knows that now he will never have a time to mend his relationship with his wife; neither will have a chance to make amends. The central question of the film now becomes: how do you find closure in circumstances that seem to resist any possibility of real closure? How can you end a relationship forever when there is so much left unsaid and undone?
I understand this central dilemma. When my father got cancer, I was in college and what followed was a prolonged, seven-year battle with the disease that would ultimately kill him. He died two years ago. My dad was a complicated man. He loved God above all. I know he loved me and my brother. He also could sometimes be stubborn and difficult and carry around baggage from the past. There were elephants in the room in our relationship. There were unspoken secrets at time. I loved my dad very much, but there were some conversations I always wanted to have with him, but could never muster the courage to have.
We are taught that we ought to wrap everything up with a bow when someone is dying. We are to have perfect closure, everything clean and neat. But, for the most part, I don't think death is really like that. I think that we all end our lives with regrets, despite the slogans that we are trying to live life with none. There is always the sense of what might have been. The Descendants merely heightens this reality. It is a profoundly helpful film for the grieving because it shows us the truth of what grief is like and how we might find a realistic kind of closure so that we might move forward in our lives, never forgetting our loved one, but able to continue living with hope.
Another central theme of The Descendants is appreciating what has been given to us, here and now. Matt King serves as trustee of a large chunk of land in Hawaii, where his ancestors have dwelt for generations. He alone may say yay or nay to the upcoming sale and division of this property. Yes, the sale will make all the descendants a lot of money, but King must grapple with the fact that the inheritance his ancestors have left to him may find its true value not in money, but in the connections and beauty that it provides. The land is a metaphor for what King still has left in his relationship with his daughters. In the beginning of the film, he calls himself "the back-up parent." Just as his relationship with his wife has been wanting, so has his relationship with his two daughters. But as the three grapple with the hard realities of grief--including their anger, sadness, and finally acceptance--they are drawn closer together. The false mask of indifference that they have all been wearing is shattered. The journey to a more authentic relationship is painful, but the bond that they all form through the suffering is quietly hinted at in the closing frames of the film.
The idea that there can be a real healing as we move into the future, a healing which acknowledges the past, which gives it dignity and truth, a healing which is not perfect, but which also gives us permission to move forward...this moved me so much as I watched this film. I appreciated that the reality of grief in its nothing-like-picture-perfect truth was portrayed so well. And for the first time in a while, I found myself able to cry about my loss of Dad, connecting to the pain of the death of one loved so well and in such a complicated way. Finally, this film gave us a beautiful picture of forgiveness, in the final monologue of George Clooney to his coma-ridden, dying wife. The bringing together of his anger and his love for her in that final speech was masterful.
I think that over the years, I will watch this film over and over again. It connects me to the truth of grief, which must be felt in order to be healed, and to the possibility of hope.
I saw The Descendants about a week before the Golden Globes and it touched my heart profoundly. It is the story of Matt King, whose wife has just had a water-skiing accident that leaves her in a coma. Shortly after this accident, Matt's teenage daughter, Alexandra, reveals to him that his wife has been having an affair. Matt has hardly been the ideal husband, with little time for his family, but the revelation hits him with shocking impact. He still loves his wife, despite his poor track record as a husband. Around this same time, the doctors give Matt the terrible news that his wife is never going to wake up from her coma. This news is made particularly devastating because Matt knows that now he will never have a time to mend his relationship with his wife; neither will have a chance to make amends. The central question of the film now becomes: how do you find closure in circumstances that seem to resist any possibility of real closure? How can you end a relationship forever when there is so much left unsaid and undone?
I understand this central dilemma. When my father got cancer, I was in college and what followed was a prolonged, seven-year battle with the disease that would ultimately kill him. He died two years ago. My dad was a complicated man. He loved God above all. I know he loved me and my brother. He also could sometimes be stubborn and difficult and carry around baggage from the past. There were elephants in the room in our relationship. There were unspoken secrets at time. I loved my dad very much, but there were some conversations I always wanted to have with him, but could never muster the courage to have.
We are taught that we ought to wrap everything up with a bow when someone is dying. We are to have perfect closure, everything clean and neat. But, for the most part, I don't think death is really like that. I think that we all end our lives with regrets, despite the slogans that we are trying to live life with none. There is always the sense of what might have been. The Descendants merely heightens this reality. It is a profoundly helpful film for the grieving because it shows us the truth of what grief is like and how we might find a realistic kind of closure so that we might move forward in our lives, never forgetting our loved one, but able to continue living with hope.
Another central theme of The Descendants is appreciating what has been given to us, here and now. Matt King serves as trustee of a large chunk of land in Hawaii, where his ancestors have dwelt for generations. He alone may say yay or nay to the upcoming sale and division of this property. Yes, the sale will make all the descendants a lot of money, but King must grapple with the fact that the inheritance his ancestors have left to him may find its true value not in money, but in the connections and beauty that it provides. The land is a metaphor for what King still has left in his relationship with his daughters. In the beginning of the film, he calls himself "the back-up parent." Just as his relationship with his wife has been wanting, so has his relationship with his two daughters. But as the three grapple with the hard realities of grief--including their anger, sadness, and finally acceptance--they are drawn closer together. The false mask of indifference that they have all been wearing is shattered. The journey to a more authentic relationship is painful, but the bond that they all form through the suffering is quietly hinted at in the closing frames of the film.
The idea that there can be a real healing as we move into the future, a healing which acknowledges the past, which gives it dignity and truth, a healing which is not perfect, but which also gives us permission to move forward...this moved me so much as I watched this film. I appreciated that the reality of grief in its nothing-like-picture-perfect truth was portrayed so well. And for the first time in a while, I found myself able to cry about my loss of Dad, connecting to the pain of the death of one loved so well and in such a complicated way. Finally, this film gave us a beautiful picture of forgiveness, in the final monologue of George Clooney to his coma-ridden, dying wife. The bringing together of his anger and his love for her in that final speech was masterful.
I think that over the years, I will watch this film over and over again. It connects me to the truth of grief, which must be felt in order to be healed, and to the possibility of hope.
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