and sometimes you just need chocolate cake...

A little messy but so delicious!

It's been a rough week at our house.  Not only did Mr. Bean receive his second round of vaccines on Monday and not only is Mr. Bean going through his three month growth spurt, but we are also surrounded by the busyness of Holy Week (generally the most intense week of ministry for a pastor all year)...and most significantly of all, my normally happy, cheerful baby has turned into a mass of tears, hand-gnawing, drooling, night waking...and more tears.  The intensity of his needs this week has been overwhelming.  I mean, we were getting spoiled around here.  Mr. Bean was sleeping about 9 hours each night and he was generally happy most of the day.  The only time he wasn't happy was if he was hungry or tired, either of which could be quickly and easily resolved.

But even easy babies go through tough stages.  Because they're, well, babies.  And this has been a pretty tough stage.  When you're just three months old, it's pretty hard to find some coping skills for having nail-sharp teeth punching through your gums.  Most of the time, the only thing that seems to make my little bundle (of joy?) feel better is being held.  All.day.long.  And even then, he's grouchy.  So I've been trying to wash a load of towels all week and it only just got done yesterday.  I must be slightly exaggerating but not much when I say that virtually every time I set this little one down to do some essential task, he starts crying.  And try as I might, I.can't.make.it.better.

(On the plus side, I'm pretty sure I've found a way to stop the terrorists: stick them in a room with a crying baby.  They'll hand over those essential facts pretty quick.  Wait a minute, I don't believe in torture.  But still...).

So one awful week of awful hurty mouth later, I happened to be watching Nigella Bites on the Cooking Channel and she was making comfort food.  It was therapeutic just to watch someone peacefully and happily mixing starches and desserts.  And, oh, the fudge cake with chocolate buttercream icing!  I looked up the recipe and had all the ingredients.  And suddenly, I needed chocolate cake in the worst way.  There is a bone-tiredness, an emotional exhaustion that cries out for the one thing that will make it better: chocolate.  (A good nap helps too.)

We are still not out of the woods.  Mr. Bean is still battling those teeth.  I know he will be doing so for a couple of years, but I am desperately hoping--for his sake and mine--that this acute phase will be over soon.  Until then, I have half a chocolate cake in the fridge to finish.  And I now know how to make more.

Never Feed Your Kids Processed Mac and Cheese Again!

We rarely make boxed mac and cheese at our house...but Burrito loves it.  In fact, she makes a habit of ordering boring, cardboardy Kraft Mac and Cheese when we go out to eat.  In recent months, however, I have discovered how stinkin' easy it is to make homemade, stove-top mac and cheese...and that Burrito loves it just as much--or possibly even more--than the box stuff.

Better yet, I pretty much always have the simple ingredients that are needed to make this tasty pasta.

You are not going to believe how easy it is.

HOMEMADE KID-FRIENDLY MAC AND CHEESE
For the pasta:
Approximately 8 dry oz. of noodles--elbows or twisty pastas recommended

For the sauce:
2 TBS butter
2 TBS all-purpose flour
2 cups milk (skim is fine) or half and half
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper (if desired)
2 cups (or more, to taste) of shredded cheese (preferably a blend that includes cheddar)

Cook pasta according to package instructions.  Meanwhile, melt butter in a large saucepan.  Whisk flour together with butter to form a roux (a thickening agent).  Then (before roux burns or overly browns), begin to add milk or half and half slowly, a half cup at a time.  Continue whisking during this process.  Each time the milky mixture begins to thicken and almost boil, it's time to add the next bit of milk or half and half.  Once all the milk has been added, whisk in your salt, pepper, and Dijon.  Finally, remove from heat and add in your cheese, a half cup at a time, continuing to whisk until smooth.  You can add more cheese if you would like, too.  You can also add a cup of cooked veggies (peas or broccoli would work especially well); this is a great way to sneak in some extra veggies.

Toss sauce with pasta.

Voila!  You're done!  Try it and see if your kids don't go ga-ga for it!

THE book for when your kids are making you nuts!

So since Mr. Bean's birth, I have to admit that Burrito and I have been clashing heads a bit.  I must admit that a large part of it is my fault.  During my pregnancy, I truly felt horrible most of the time, so I spent a lot of time in bed and gave in to what she wanted a lot of the time (loads of TV, anyone?).  I am feeling much, much better since having the baby but of course now he needs lots of attention.  And there are certainly times when baby coos are a more attractive option than preschooler tantrums (are you with me, anyone?)!  I was finding myself losing my temper with Burrito more and more often.  I was falling into the pattern of reacting instead of responding to poor preschooler behavior.  I was starting to forget that I am actually the parent around here!  We've all been there, right?

I was ready for a shot in the arm.  Months ago, my husband bought me the book, Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days. I had read portions of the book but was finally ready to really sit down and focus on it now.  Dr. Kevin Leman's advice is simple but not easy.  What makes his book unique is the humor with which his advice is given.  When your kids are on your last nerve, you need to laugh.  You need to remember (with Bill Cosby) that "these people" (your kiddos) are crazy and that part of getting through the challenges of parenting is knowing how to laugh.

One of the best pieces of advice Leman gives in the book is this: "Say it once.  Turn your back.  Walk away."  All too often, we as parents forget that we are the God-ordained leaders of our home.  Though we are to be kind and loving leaders, we are to be leaders.  And the kiddos need to learn respect towards authority.  They need to learn that when we say to do something, we mean business.  They need to learn to listen to rather than ignore our voice when we speak.  Today's parents rightly are trying to correct parenting lacks in some previous eras by focusing on the relationship with our children, but it's certainly possible to take that course correction too far.  I realized while reading Leman's book that I was overly concerned with my daughter liking me.  This was a shocking realization, but I think tiredness and longing for some of the closeness we had in her younger years was getting to me.  All the rest that I had to take while I was pregnant and now all of the attention I was giving the baby were making me feel guilty.  So I was focusing too much on wanting to please her, or alternatively getting frustrated when she just wouldn't cooperate.  Amazingly, I'm rediscovering that when I remember I'm the mom and she's the kid, when I give her freedom to make decisions without taking it as an indictment on me, when her decisions have natural consequences, I feel that I can relax and enjoy her more.  It's almost counter-intuitive how good, calm, loving discipline frees parents to love and enjoy their kids just as they are.  But it does.  Kids are gonna misbehave and do dumb stuff.  We all did when we were kids.  But it's how we respond to them that matters. 

Dr. Leman encourages parents to carefully differentiate between "mountains" and "molehills."  Which issues are central issues which need to be dealt with and which issues are minor quirks of kid-hood?  It's important that we're not constantly on our kids' case.  Paul advises us, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4, NIV).

Leman also advises that when a child does something serious like disrespect her parents, the parent simply calmly wait until the next time the child wants something (which he jokes will be in about 5 minutes since there are so many things little people can't reach!) and then calmly tell them, "No, you aren't going to do that today."  He advises that, rather than get into a power struggle over the consequence, the parent let the child work at thinking about what they did wrong so that they can grow in maturity and attentiveness to their parents.  Once they do apologize for what they did wrong, he suggests the parent forgive them but not lift the consequence.  He says what the parent is trying to do is create a teachable moment in which they have the child's full attention.  The teachable moment helps create an environment where the child will think twice the next time before he or she sasses mom or dad.

Leman suggests that the best consequences are natural consequences.  He says, "let nature take its course.  And when nature doesn't take care of the problem, you help nature along.  Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility."  For example, if your kiddo wastes time instead of getting a project done for school, don't stay up late trying to help them do it the night before.  Natural consequences.  They might get a bad grade, but they will learn a valuable lesson for life.

There is loads more good, wise advice in the pages of this easily readable book.  After reading it, I felt empowered and much more positive about my role as a parent.  I felt like, "Ok, I can do this!"  Leman writes, "Today's children need guidance.  They need accountability.  They need to be taught that there are consequences for their actions (or their inaction).  Otherwise their lives will run amok."  We aren't being mean parents to have a high standard for our kids.  We're helping to prepare them for life in the real world.  This will sometimes mean that they are upset with us, but that's ok.  If we keep the big picture in mind, we can weather the storms of parenthood.  C'mon, parents.  We can do this thing!

4.5 stars. Highly Recommended.

gaze

jaded,
slit-eyed,
life tornadoes by.
we forget
     wonder:
eye gazing eye.

wide-eyed baby
     sees;
moving blobs
sharpen into focus.

there's a you
diapering
nursing
snuggling warmth

eyes begin to speak

arms, legs flutter

there's a you!

cloth diapering love

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I LOVE cloth diapering! 

When Burrito was born, I was so overwhelmed by the fact that I had never even changed a diaper and that I knew so little about caring for babies (I was still sure I would break one if I held him or her) that there was no way I was venturing into the confusing and messy unknown of cloth diapering.  I also didn't know how much cloth diapering had changed over the years or how user-friendly it had become.  I was aware how bad disposable diapers are for the planet: terribly difficult to break down and decompose, piling up in landfills, and such.  But for a new mom, disposable diapers were a necessary evil.  They are just so easy.

When Burrito was practically out of diapers, I went to visit a friend who had just had a new baby and she showed me how much cloth diapering had changed and how easy it was now.  No more pail of soaking poopy diapers (gross...I mean, no matter how environmentally sound it would be, I don't think you could pay me to deal with that).  No more slushing that diaper up and down in the toilet.  No more pre-folds with diaper pins (unless you want to!).  Now there were All-in-Ones (AIOs), pocket diapers, and covers with inserts.  Now there was a sprayer you could install on your toilet to spray all that nasty diaper business down the drain without a single slush in the toilet bowl.  I have to admit, my friend made me curious.  Maybe I would be able to do cloth diapering if I ever had another child.

When I got pregnant with Mr. Bean, I began to toss the idea around more.  Not only was there the environmental consideration but there was also the money we would save!  We had two incomes when Burrito was born but now we just have one.  I calculated the thousands of dollars we would end up spending on disposables versus the few hundred on cloth.  There might be something to this!

I began to talk to lots of friends who had done cloth diapering and asked lots of questions.  From the sound of it, getting a laundry routine down seemed to be the toughest part.  The different brands and types of diapers were a bit dizzying and confusing as were the range of options for laundry soap.  I found the most clarity when I visited my local natural baby store, Blooming Bellies, where I was able to inspect different types of diapers myself and ask questions.  The store owner, Jessica, provides excellent customer service and is always willing to help with questions or concerns.  She put up with my several reconnaissance visits to the store as I tried to decide whether I was really going to give cloth a go. She knows a lot about cloth diapers and shares that knowledge very generously.  She steered us toward a more affordable powder laundry soap than even the ones she sells.  She provided a discount when we finally took the plunge and bought a bunch of cloth diapering items.  It's that spirit of service that brings me back to her store again and again.

After looking over some cloth diapers in person, I decided that the GroVia Hybrid diapers, which feature brightly colored diaper shells (covers) with snap-in soaker pads, would be the best choice for our family.  What I love about these diapers is that you do not necessarily have to have a fresh diaper shell each time you change diapers.  If only the soaker pad becomes soiled, you can re-use the shell on the next diaper change.  Sometimes the shells do become soiled or wet, but this option helps reduce the cost of building up the diaper stash and extends the use of those shells a little further.

Nobody is paying me (yet) to endorse GroVia, but they really should because I will give you a whole-hearted vote of confidence.  Not only are they the cutest diapers ever, but they are also incredibly user-friendly and functional.  One of the best features of these diapers is that they come in one size.  The diaper has a series of rise snaps that enable it to be adjusted to be used for newborns all the way up to a potty-trained child, if you also buy the side-flex panels that turn the diaper into a Pull-Up.

Washing the GroVia diapers is really easy too, especially now that Mr. Bean is just on Momma milk.  I wash my diapers daily but hope to build up a big enough stash soon that I can do it every other day.  I'm almost there.  When I change diapers, I just deposit the used liners and shells in a trashcan lined with a Planet Wise pail liner.  These liners are washable, so I have two: one to wash and one to use.  I just dump my soiled diapers straight out of the liner into the washer and then throw the liner in.  I wash on warm with an extra rinse cycle, using Country Save powder detergent.  The shells are hung to dry and dry in a couple of hours.  The soaker pads go in the dryer but I have never gotten them all the way dry there; they are too thick.  Hubby installed a retractable clothes line in the bathroom and we hang the shells and half-dry soaker pads there.  We are lucky to have a window right there too and when I get some pretty bad stains, I have been opening the window to let the UV rays hit the diapers.  Even though it is only indirect sunshine, I have already gotten some amazing results on getting rid of stains.  I can't wait to hang them outside when the weather is better; that will probably really knock out the stains.  (You can't use bleach with these cloth diapers.)

We are only a few weeks into cloth diapering and I do remain humble before this new (to me) method of diapering.  But I will say this: so far, so good.  I am feeling more confident about it each day.  As I've improved the fit of the diapers on Mr. Bean and as he grows, we are getting less blow-outs (which are a reality of life even with disposables).  We will see how things go when we hit the yucky solid poops phase of diapering.  But as of now, I am feeling great about the money we are saving, the cuteness of Mr. Bean's diapered bum, and the lower impact we are having on the environment.

Yep.  I said it.  I love cloth diapering.

taking a mommy break

I was fairly apprehensive about the prospect of taking care of two kiddos at home alone once hubby returned to work.  Could I handle all the work that entailed...especially on less sleep?  How would I deal with a preschooler who was used to demanding all my time and attention while attending to the constant dependency and needs of a new baby?

I have to say, however, that things are going better than I expected.  This is why I generally follow the life principle, "Expect the worst and that way, you may be pleasantly surprised!"  (I wish I were more of an optimist but unfortunately I'm usually not.)  Anyway, although Burrito has had some bouts of jealousy and such, overall she is proving to be an excellent and helpful big sister who says multiple times a day, "Ohhhh, he's just the CUTEST baby!"  I have come to greatly appreciate the little things she does all day to help out.  She hands me things when I'm nursing and can't reach them.  She keeps an eye on her little brother while I clean up after a diaper change.  She offers to throw away a dirty diaper.  She sings to her crying brother.  She really is a blessing.

And taking care of Bean is going better than expected as well.  He is a ravenous eater so that has taken some getting used to.  I was prepared to feed him every two hours--but not every hour or hour and a half!  But he's a pretty good sleeper at night and has been since he was born, for the most part.  Even though I am not getting as much sleep as I would like, I am getting way more than I expected, so life is good.

Nevertheless, there are times each day when the walls begin to close in, when I wonder if I will ever again have a life outside of nursing and changing diapers 24/7, when I wonder if there is a world outside my little nest, when I begin to feel that even my body does not belong to myself right now.  Although I rarely left the house the first few weeks postpartum, I am learning that there is some real value in making mini "Mommy escapes" once Daddy gets home from work.  I am so blessed to live in a town where this is possible.  I can venture out for an hour or less and refresh my spirit so many ways in our town.

Sometimes it's just a trip to the grocery store or drug store and a reminder that there are other grown-ups in the world.  (I remember when Burrito was a little baby, how I would find reasons to visit our tiny grocery store in North Dakota almost daily.)  But my favorite little Mommy escape last week was an hour spent visiting the library and tramping down the street in gorgeous 40 degree temps to visit one of my favorite bakeries in town, Great Northern Foods.  I got a great big piece of their amazing chocolate torte, a treat for Burrito, and some wonderful multigrain rolls.  Books and good food...my spirits were refreshed when I returned home to a son who was ready to eat...again!  (Perhaps he is to be a foodie as well?)  I'm so grateful to live in a place where I don't have to drive a hour away to shop or do something fun...just another reason I love living in the Flathead Valley.

What about you?  What is your favorite Mommy escape?

10 Things I Wish I Had Known about Having a Baby--Part 2

Yesterday, I started a post on 10 Things I Wish I Had Known about Having a Baby. Here is the rest of that post:

7. Don't expect life to carry on as before, just with a cute baby in tow.  Expect life to change forever.  Before I had my daughter, I had this crazy idea that I would do my job with a cute baby in tow.  I guess I thought she would be happy and content all the time and I would just cart her around and there would be no inconvenience whatsoever.  I pictured her napping quietly in my office while I visited with people or typed away at a sermon.  Yeah.  Right.  I did try to work from home or with her in tow a lot, but it wasn't anything like I pictured.  Babies need attention.  A lot of attention.  Unrelenting attention.  They cry, poop, scream and everything in between all day long, at inconvenient times.  If you're going to take baby along to work or work from home, you're going to have to adjust your hours, hire a nanny, live near a grandparent or something.  You're not going to be able to be Supermom and do it all.  Maybe this is why Hillary Clinton once wrote a book reminding us of the African proverb that "it takes a village to raise a child."  We all need a little help.  Even stay-at-home moms (as I am now) need some help...somebody to rock the baby or entertain the preschooler while we start supper or clean the floors.  If we believed before that we could do it all, having a baby will forever humble us and deprive us of that notion.  With my second baby, as I've come to accept that I need help sometimes, I've found a lot more peace.  And I've also found a lot of gratitude for the friends and family God has put into my life. 

8. (This is a biggee.)  It's not your fault if the baby won't stop crying.  Oh the anxiety that arises when baby won't stop crying.  Especially with my daughter, I would get twisted into knots trying to figure out the crying, trying to stop it, wondering why I couldn't.  With my son, I'm at least a bit more easy-going.  I'm older and wiser (although I sometimes do still freak out...I'll be honest).  I've mostly come to realize though that babies just cry.  A LOT.  They are acclimating to the world outside the womb.  Their little brains are still developing.  You and they are still getting to know each other.  They literally feel like they are starving a lot of the time as they go through rapid growth spurts.  As their digestive system develops, they have frequent painful gas.  It's tough to be a baby.

But it's also tough to be a new mommy or daddy.  You feel like you should be able to know how to calm the baby down.  But when you have fed them, burped them, changed them, rocked them, checked for anything causing pain, swaddled them, and you still don't know why the baby is crying, it's helpful to set them carefully in their crib, take a step away and take a deep breath and remind yourself that it's not your fault if the baby won't stop crying.  Sometimes you just won't know why they are crying.  Maybe they're just in a bad mood.  Maybe they are missing the womb.  Who knows?  Go easy on yourself.  You're a good mom...a good dad.  You'll get through this.  Do the best you can and accept that you will not always be able to calm baby.

9. Trust your gut.  Ok, this is one that I was told, but it's important enough I still want to include it.  My Mom told me this when my daughter was born.  She told me that God had chosen me to be my baby's mom and hubby to be my baby's dad.  She said we should trust that God would give us the wisdom and the resources to make wise decisions for our baby.  We would receive lots of conflicting advice from people.  Some of them would be adamant in what we should do.  But we just needed to pray about decisions, talk together and come to our own decisions on what was best for our baby.  I have clung to this advice all through parenting.  And I have tried to also apply it to a gracious attitude towards others' parenting styles and methods.  Every baby and family is different.  Every kid is different.  What works for one kid may not work for another.  So much of parenting is trial and error anyway.  So, have confidence in your parenting abilities.  Don't feel like a failure if you do things differently from everybody else.  God chose you to be your child's parent.

10. Having kids may be tougher than you could imagine, but it is also infinitely more wonderful than you could imagine!  I was really apprehensive about having kids.  My husband wanted to have kids...and I did too, but he was willing to push me to make that leap of faith.  I grew up in a broken family and had a lot of worries about repeating past patterns.  I worried if I would even be a good mother.  I thought I wasn't maternal.  And yet...when those little munchkins were born, something happened to me.  I was pulled out of myself, out of my own navel-gazing into a love that was so much bigger than I was.  I'm not that touchy-feely of a person.  But these little people have changed me...for the better.  They've widened my heart, helped me to be more mellow, taught me more about service, given me confidence that I can care for children and do it well.  They've been so much more of a blessing in my life than I ever could have anticipated.  Having kids is hard and demanding and all the rest of it.  But it's also really wonderful and I'm so glad that I didn't miss out on experiencing parenthood.

So...that's my list...What about the rest of you parents out there?  What do you wish you had known before you became a parent?