Book Review: What a Son Needs from His Mom

So, I had a baby boy four months ago.  And this happening prompted the reflection: What the heck do I know about boys?!  I knew there were a lot of things I could do wrong.  I just didn't have any idea what the right things were to do as the mother of a little being so entirely different from me.  Yes, love the little bugger.  But how?

Just as I was in the midst of musing over these questions, this book by Cheri Fuller came before me for review.  I immediately snatched up a review copy and read it quickly, underlining a lot.  What a Son Needs from His Mom is a book chock-full of wisdom and good advice for moms who are raising sons.
In this book, Fuller provides wisdom on topics as diverse as faith, confidence, communication, emotions, and school.  She provides a lot of anecdotes from moms of boys, as well as comments and stories from the boys themselves on what their mothers did that was helpful or not helpful for them.  Through her own journey as a mom to boys, Fuller helps moms understand how best to relate to a masculine personality.  

Confidence and formation into a strong young man as the goal is a strong theme in this book.  Fuller advises gradually releasing our sons and trusting them to make the right decision instead of overly controlling their decisions.  Helpful to me was her discussion of how off-putting over-protection due to a mother's fears can be to sons and how it can undermine confidence as they grow and develop.  I know this will be a battlefield for me and that I will need to work hard to combat my own fears and anxieties so that my boy can thrive and be the courageous young man God has created him to be.  

In one illustration, she shares about a friend who had a teenage son with whom she was experiencing friction.  "He was becoming edgy, sharing less, and pulling away."  However, "God showed Peggy that her son was the budding head of a new household.  The season of God's nurturing John through her was coming to an end and a new season was beginning for him.  It was no longer fitting for her to dominate this young man whom God was calling to be the eventual head of a new household."  This was a really helpful insight for me.  Granted, realizing when this stage has come to pass will require some careful discernment.  But eventually my son will begin to take on a role of leadership as a man.  He will probably have some growing pains as he comes into a new stage of life.  But I will need to get out of the way as God begins to form him and to move him into this new stage.

In the area of communication, Fuller provided a wonderful, helpful illustration: boys' "emotions and thoughts are a little like oatmeal.  If you heat up a pot of oatmeal and it gets hotter and closer to a boil, bubbles come to the surface.  In a similar way, as our sons get heated up through doing active things, their thoughts bubble up to the surface."  Generally speaking, while girls may focus a lot on direct relationships and talking, boys focus on doing.  I'll need to understand this major difference between the genders as I parent my son.  In regards to communication, Fuller also recommends lecturing less but instead using stories, strong and succinct quotations, and the like to teach.

In another part of the book, Fuller challenges moms to come up with five to eight core values that she hopes to instill in her son (this would be helpful for daughters as well!).  Then, she encourages moms to look to the long-term plan to teach those values.  It won't happen overnight but with steady effort, your child can come to know those all-important values.

I do have only one real critique of this book.  In the way in which Fuller describes the faith life of children, she seems to lean towards a view that a very young child cannot generally be saved and in possession of their own faith.  I believe even very young children can have a saving knowledge of Christ.  I wouldn't say that Fuller fully discounts this reality, but I think she leans slightly away from it.  I'd like to see her embrace God's saving work in very young children more fully.  However, this is a doctrinal matter that the reader can work through on their own.  

Overall, this is an incredibly wise and beneficial book.  I will be returning to it often as I raise my own little man.

4 stars. Highly Recommended.
  
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received an advance digital copy of this book free from Bethany House.  I was not required to write a positive review.  The opinions I have expressed are my own.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Why We Baptized Both Our Infants: Part 3

Photo by Bonnie Hoffman.

Over the past few days, I've been sharing from my heart the reasons our family practices infant baptism, despite the fact that I grew up not believing in it.  For the first two posts, click here and here.

Now, for Part 3:
 
Christopher and I baptized our daughter as a baby and will soon baptize our son because we want them to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the faith in their hearts is God's work and not their own.  When they fall into doubts and questions of faith, we don't want them to analyze, "Did I really have ENOUGH faith"?  We want them instead to return to what God did for them when they were baptized.  We want them to remember that when they were helpless as infants, that is just when the Holy Spirit dipped into their hearts and gave them the gift of faith.  God is the subject of the sentence, not us.

We also want them to know that because they are a part of this family, faith is their heritage and birthright.  We are a family who is "in Christ."  We are together being made new.  The way we operate in our family is in constantly seeking the Lord.

I pray almost every day that God will continue to grow faith in my children's hearts.  Nothing in this world is more important than this.

So this is the way we have chosen to pass on our faith to our kids: infant baptism followed by discipleship and teaching.  A lot of my friends think differently.  They feel a conviction that their kids need to say a "Sinner's Prayer" and make a decision for Jesus.  Either way, the good news is that we are parents who want our kiddos to know and love God.  We want them to experience the blessing of salvation, the freedom of life in Christ, the unmerited favor that God's grace provides.  Some of us will dunk our kids.  Some of us will sprinkle them.  Some of us will encourage a choice for Christ.  Some will emphasize Christ's choice for us.  Either way, we are united in the knowledge that faith comes from the Holy Spirit alone (Ephesians 2:8-9).  

Our human language is so limited in trying to express the truths of Scripture.  That doesn't mean we shouldn't study the Word and try to understand its teaching.  In fact, it is crucial that we do so.  But both Lutheran theology and evangelical theology will fall short at one time or another.  Whatever we call conversion, the Holy Spirit is the One who gives faith and whenever people come to faith or deepen in their faith, it's worth rejoicing about.  I rejoice when people go forward at altar calls.  I rejoice when parents care enough about their kids to dedicate or baptize them.  If we are all centered on Jesus and on His Word, how can we lose?  My Bible study teacher said once (reflecting on Paul's teaching in Romans) that we should not argue so much in the Church on disputable matters such as all the minutiae about baptism.  She said, "Jesus said we should get baptized, so we should do that and not argue about how and when and all that."  I so appreciated that sentiment and completely agree.  

So, when we baptize our little Mr. Bean in a couple of weeks, this is why we are doing it.  But that baptism day is just the beginning.  From then on, a path of teaching and prayer remains.  Hold us in prayer as we teach our little ones just what faith in Jesus is all about.  Nothing is more important.

3 John 4: "I  have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth" (NIV).

Why We Baptized Both Our Infants: Part 2

Photo by Allen Sorbo.

Yesterday, I began a series on infant baptism and my faith story.  In a couple of weeks, we will be baptizing our little Mr. Bean.  In this series of three posts, I explain how I came to believe in and practice infant baptism.  I'd like to share our family's perspective with friends and family, and I also hope this series will be something Mr. Bean and Burrito will treasure when they get old enough to read it. 

When last we left our story, my evangelical family had begun to attend a Lutheran church as I began my young adult years.  Through my acquaintance with this church and the dedicated, faithful, and balanced pastors in it, I began to get really interested in Lutheran teaching and to study God's Word with it in mind.  I also began to study more about Martin Luther and to see myself in his story.  His story of faith was so much like my own.  He was in bondage to attempting to follow God perfectly.  As I had begun growing into my teenage years, I had fallen into bondage to this as well.  I tried desperately to follow God perfectly but always failed.  I was becoming more and more wretched.

Martin Luther's world changed when he encountered the truth that "the just shall live by faith" in Habakkuk.  He came to see that the only righteousness that counts for anything is the righteousness that Christ gives us.  Christ takes on Himself all of our sin and brokenness and in exchange, He gives us His righteousness, goodness, hope and life.  Luther was set free by this truth and little by little, it began to set me free too.  My local Lutheran church did powerful good for me socially as well.  My anxiety and depression had made me quite socially awkward.  Through my church, I had opportunities to serve and grow.  It was awesome.

And so, when my pastor suggested I attend Lutheran seminary, I initially was shocked.  But later I decided to follow through on his advice and go.  I think there were times in seminary I operated with a little too much "freedom in Christ."  But I did receive good teaching on church history and Lutheran history and theology.  I came to understand the reason behind the practice known as infant baptism.  I attended worship class where I learned how to conduct a Lutheran baptism (we practiced on a stuffed animal duck).  

I learned that much of the teaching I received as I grew up focused on something called "decision theology."  Decision theology is the idea that while we are saved through Christ alone, we also have a part to play in the conversion process.  This part is simply to say, "yes" or "no" to God's free offer of salvation.  There are definitely Biblical passages that can be used to support this idea.  But I also came to see that sometimes decision theology can lean too hard on our human involvement and exalt us more than God.  

One of my professors in seminary, Dr. Paulson, taught that we can only say no to God.  We are dead in sin before Christ comes into our lives (Romans 6).  A dead person cannot raise themselves.  They cannot make a decision for Christ.  They can only be raised by Someone from outside of  themselves.  A baby is kind of like a dead person (except that they can scream louder!).  A baby can do absolutely nothing for him or herself.  They cannot change a diaper or feed themselves or bathe themselves.  They often cannot even get themselves to sleep.  No, they need a mother and a father to perform these crucial acts for them.  Their parents help to give them physical life and the baby completely relies on their parents from day to day.  We baptize babies, in part, because they remind us of how completely helpless we all are and how reliant we all are on God for salvation, life, and every other thing.

We also baptize babies because in the New Testament, when a family would come to faith in Christ, the whole family would get baptized.  In fact, not only would children and babies get baptized as a sign of the whole family's conversion, but even slaves who were part of the household would be baptized.  In American culture in particular, we think of ourselves so individualistically, but in the world of the New Testament, it wasn't so much that just an individual converted to faith (although that certainly did happen) but families converted as well (see Acts 10:44-48, 16:15, 16:31-33, 18:8).  Think too of Joshua, who said, "But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD" (Joshua 24:15, NIV).  As parents, we have a profound influence on the faith of our children.  God doesn't want us to segment our faith from our children or to "let them decide what they believe when they get older."  He wants us to instill the faith which the Holy Spirit has placed in our hearts in our children as well.  

I don't want to convey the idea that there aren't times when I feel conflicted about infant baptism, however.  As a young pastor, I did several baptisms of babies and while there were spiritually engaged parents who clearly planned to raise their children in the faith as they promised during the baptism service, there were also parents who my gut told me were baptizing their babies more to please an older relative.  I exhorted them strongly that they needed to keep the promises they made to God in the baptism service.  In baptism the Holy Spirit brings faith into a person's heart.  He makes alive that which was dead.  But if the child who is baptized is not taught the riches that they have been given, those riches go to waste.  Sometimes I felt very conflicted about these infant baptisms.  But I also had to stop and remind myself that faith is not dependent on human effort--not even on mom and dad's.  It is dependent on God.  I didn't want to penalize little children from the touch of God's grace on their lives just because mom and dad were not whole-heartedly following God.  Also, the whole church promises to uphold and welcome the child in faith.  It is primarily mom and dad's responsibility to help them grow, but it is not only mom and dad's responsibility.  These things help me as I think about infant baptism.  Still, given the chance in the future, I might require more of the parents than I did in the past.  

I am also reminded that even in decision theology, sometimes people come forward for altar calls and later fall away.  People are caught up in the moment and yet don't take it seriously.  Or perhaps no one follows up with them and helps them grow in faith.  In all segments of the church, we can do more to shepherd and disciple those who are coming into the family of faith.  It's all too easy to get caught up in the mountaintop moment and then not endure to be there for a new faithling when the going gets tough.  

Stay tuned for the final part of the series, coming tomorrow!

Why We Baptized Both Our Infants: Part 1

Photo by Allen Sorbo.

In a couple of weeks, we will be baptizing our little Mr. Bean.  In this series of three posts, I explain how I came to believe in and practice infant baptism.  I'd like to share our family's perspective with friends and family, and I also hope this series will be something Mr. Bean and Burrito will treasure when they get old enough to read it.

I grew up evangelical and Pentecostal.  As time has gone by, I've grown into a mixture of the riches of that upbringing combined with Lutheran theology (Lutheran teaching about God, faith, and the Bible).

The spiritual riches of my upbringing meant that my mom made sure I had a devotion every day.  I learned to read through the entire Bible and did so multiple times.  Mom (and Dad, to a certain extent) made sure that God was a daily part of life.  We didn't just pray at bedtime, but we prayed throughout the day.  We memorized Scripture.  We were given access to the stories of great Christians from history, particularly missionaries.  These missionaries were our heroes.  Mom was always looking for opportunities to teach my brother and I about faith.  She firmly believed the words of Deuteronomy 6, "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates" (NIV).  She believed that talk about God should not be relegated to the church building or to bedtime prayers.  She believed we should talk about God all day, in the most natural way possible.  Every interaction was an opportunity to teach about God.  I recently told her that she taught me so well about God that there is no way I can get away from faith.  I don't hold onto faith.  Faith holds onto me.  Or, to be more precise: God holds onto me.  

I can only hope to do as good a job as Mom did instilling faith in both my brother and I.  

But I also find myself coming to new conclusions about faith, conclusions that were not taught to me as I grew up.  I grew up believing that every person must have a definite "moment of decision" where they ask Jesus into their heart.  Then they must ask to be baptized and they must decide to do this.  Baptism was viewed as an act of obedience and discipleship whereby we show that we have turned from the darkness of sin and turned ourselves towards Christ.  My mother's baptism and conversion were counted on the same day, as she was an adult convert.  Though she had been baptized as a baby in the Methodist church, she had not continued to be discipled and taught.  Her mother had been a strong Christian but had died at a young age and my mother was always searching to connect with her mother's faith.  When she came to a saving knowledge of Christ herself, she was baptized again and she counts that as the day she became a Christian.

For me, I asked Jesus into my heart when I was on the changing table (what better place, as we know that Jesus does indeed take out the poop of sin from our lives!).  I was very young--younger than 2, I believe.  In an interesting twist, my mother got lots of doubt from other evangelicals, including her pastor at the time.  They told her, "No, she can't get saved at that age!  She hasn't reached the age of accountability!"  Nevertheless, my mother wrote the story in a journal that she kept of happenings in my young life.  She believed fervently that the faith I had expressed was real.  And she believed it was the work of God in my heart.  

It was a couple more years before I was baptized, at my request.  I had one false start before that.  I remember being toddler or preschool-aged and asking to be baptized.  But when I went to visit the deep pool that was used for baptisms at our church, I was terrified and didn't go through with it.  A while later, my dad ended up baptizing me in a lake on the 4th of July.  

(An aside: In recent times, I've come to wonder why conversion and baptism are so often separated in evangelical churches.  I can understand the Biblical case that can be made for making a decision for Christ but not the separation of baptism from conversion.  This summer, I visited a wonderful evangelical church.  Several people were being baptized that weekend, but a number of them had been previously converted to faith but now were being baptized much later.  In Scripture, baptism comes at the time of conversion.  It shows that conversion has happened.  I am still struggling to understand how this practice came about in evangelical churches.)

Moving on with my story: As I grew into my teenage years, I began to grow into a very anxious, depressive young woman.  Much of my anxiety was framed around matters of faith.  I remember going to a Lutheran church on Christmas one year during this time.  That Christmas morning, a precious little baby was being baptized.  Having grown up believing that infant baptism was absolutely wrong and fearing that this child was going to go to hell, I felt a strong urge to stand up and tell everyone what a horrible thing they were doing.  I wonder what the me of the time would have thought if you had told me that I would one day baptize both of my children as infants!

A little later, we dipped our toe into the Lutheran church again.  A different local Lutheran church was having a weekly service by the lake in Clear Lake, IA.  To be honest, we had been going to dysfunctional Pentecostal churches for a while and I think we were getting fed up with the extremes that we encountered there.  We started attending this church because we liked the service by the lake.  We kept attending because the pastors that we encountered there were balanced and trustworthy.  They were careful students of Scripture.  Little did I know it at the time, but beginning to attend that church was to be a turning point in my life in so many ways...


Tune in tomorrow for Part 2 of the series, "Why We Baptized Both Our Infants"!

and sometimes you just need chocolate cake...

A little messy but so delicious!

It's been a rough week at our house.  Not only did Mr. Bean receive his second round of vaccines on Monday and not only is Mr. Bean going through his three month growth spurt, but we are also surrounded by the busyness of Holy Week (generally the most intense week of ministry for a pastor all year)...and most significantly of all, my normally happy, cheerful baby has turned into a mass of tears, hand-gnawing, drooling, night waking...and more tears.  The intensity of his needs this week has been overwhelming.  I mean, we were getting spoiled around here.  Mr. Bean was sleeping about 9 hours each night and he was generally happy most of the day.  The only time he wasn't happy was if he was hungry or tired, either of which could be quickly and easily resolved.

But even easy babies go through tough stages.  Because they're, well, babies.  And this has been a pretty tough stage.  When you're just three months old, it's pretty hard to find some coping skills for having nail-sharp teeth punching through your gums.  Most of the time, the only thing that seems to make my little bundle (of joy?) feel better is being held.  All.day.long.  And even then, he's grouchy.  So I've been trying to wash a load of towels all week and it only just got done yesterday.  I must be slightly exaggerating but not much when I say that virtually every time I set this little one down to do some essential task, he starts crying.  And try as I might, I.can't.make.it.better.

(On the plus side, I'm pretty sure I've found a way to stop the terrorists: stick them in a room with a crying baby.  They'll hand over those essential facts pretty quick.  Wait a minute, I don't believe in torture.  But still...).

So one awful week of awful hurty mouth later, I happened to be watching Nigella Bites on the Cooking Channel and she was making comfort food.  It was therapeutic just to watch someone peacefully and happily mixing starches and desserts.  And, oh, the fudge cake with chocolate buttercream icing!  I looked up the recipe and had all the ingredients.  And suddenly, I needed chocolate cake in the worst way.  There is a bone-tiredness, an emotional exhaustion that cries out for the one thing that will make it better: chocolate.  (A good nap helps too.)

We are still not out of the woods.  Mr. Bean is still battling those teeth.  I know he will be doing so for a couple of years, but I am desperately hoping--for his sake and mine--that this acute phase will be over soon.  Until then, I have half a chocolate cake in the fridge to finish.  And I now know how to make more.

THE book for when your kids are making you nuts!

So since Mr. Bean's birth, I have to admit that Burrito and I have been clashing heads a bit.  I must admit that a large part of it is my fault.  During my pregnancy, I truly felt horrible most of the time, so I spent a lot of time in bed and gave in to what she wanted a lot of the time (loads of TV, anyone?).  I am feeling much, much better since having the baby but of course now he needs lots of attention.  And there are certainly times when baby coos are a more attractive option than preschooler tantrums (are you with me, anyone?)!  I was finding myself losing my temper with Burrito more and more often.  I was falling into the pattern of reacting instead of responding to poor preschooler behavior.  I was starting to forget that I am actually the parent around here!  We've all been there, right?

I was ready for a shot in the arm.  Months ago, my husband bought me the book, Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days. I had read portions of the book but was finally ready to really sit down and focus on it now.  Dr. Kevin Leman's advice is simple but not easy.  What makes his book unique is the humor with which his advice is given.  When your kids are on your last nerve, you need to laugh.  You need to remember (with Bill Cosby) that "these people" (your kiddos) are crazy and that part of getting through the challenges of parenting is knowing how to laugh.

One of the best pieces of advice Leman gives in the book is this: "Say it once.  Turn your back.  Walk away."  All too often, we as parents forget that we are the God-ordained leaders of our home.  Though we are to be kind and loving leaders, we are to be leaders.  And the kiddos need to learn respect towards authority.  They need to learn that when we say to do something, we mean business.  They need to learn to listen to rather than ignore our voice when we speak.  Today's parents rightly are trying to correct parenting lacks in some previous eras by focusing on the relationship with our children, but it's certainly possible to take that course correction too far.  I realized while reading Leman's book that I was overly concerned with my daughter liking me.  This was a shocking realization, but I think tiredness and longing for some of the closeness we had in her younger years was getting to me.  All the rest that I had to take while I was pregnant and now all of the attention I was giving the baby were making me feel guilty.  So I was focusing too much on wanting to please her, or alternatively getting frustrated when she just wouldn't cooperate.  Amazingly, I'm rediscovering that when I remember I'm the mom and she's the kid, when I give her freedom to make decisions without taking it as an indictment on me, when her decisions have natural consequences, I feel that I can relax and enjoy her more.  It's almost counter-intuitive how good, calm, loving discipline frees parents to love and enjoy their kids just as they are.  But it does.  Kids are gonna misbehave and do dumb stuff.  We all did when we were kids.  But it's how we respond to them that matters. 

Dr. Leman encourages parents to carefully differentiate between "mountains" and "molehills."  Which issues are central issues which need to be dealt with and which issues are minor quirks of kid-hood?  It's important that we're not constantly on our kids' case.  Paul advises us, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4, NIV).

Leman also advises that when a child does something serious like disrespect her parents, the parent simply calmly wait until the next time the child wants something (which he jokes will be in about 5 minutes since there are so many things little people can't reach!) and then calmly tell them, "No, you aren't going to do that today."  He advises that, rather than get into a power struggle over the consequence, the parent let the child work at thinking about what they did wrong so that they can grow in maturity and attentiveness to their parents.  Once they do apologize for what they did wrong, he suggests the parent forgive them but not lift the consequence.  He says what the parent is trying to do is create a teachable moment in which they have the child's full attention.  The teachable moment helps create an environment where the child will think twice the next time before he or she sasses mom or dad.

Leman suggests that the best consequences are natural consequences.  He says, "let nature take its course.  And when nature doesn't take care of the problem, you help nature along.  Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility."  For example, if your kiddo wastes time instead of getting a project done for school, don't stay up late trying to help them do it the night before.  Natural consequences.  They might get a bad grade, but they will learn a valuable lesson for life.

There is loads more good, wise advice in the pages of this easily readable book.  After reading it, I felt empowered and much more positive about my role as a parent.  I felt like, "Ok, I can do this!"  Leman writes, "Today's children need guidance.  They need accountability.  They need to be taught that there are consequences for their actions (or their inaction).  Otherwise their lives will run amok."  We aren't being mean parents to have a high standard for our kids.  We're helping to prepare them for life in the real world.  This will sometimes mean that they are upset with us, but that's ok.  If we keep the big picture in mind, we can weather the storms of parenthood.  C'mon, parents.  We can do this thing!

4.5 stars. Highly Recommended.

gaze

jaded,
slit-eyed,
life tornadoes by.
we forget
     wonder:
eye gazing eye.

wide-eyed baby
     sees;
moving blobs
sharpen into focus.

there's a you
diapering
nursing
snuggling warmth

eyes begin to speak

arms, legs flutter

there's a you!

cloth diapering love

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I LOVE cloth diapering! 

When Burrito was born, I was so overwhelmed by the fact that I had never even changed a diaper and that I knew so little about caring for babies (I was still sure I would break one if I held him or her) that there was no way I was venturing into the confusing and messy unknown of cloth diapering.  I also didn't know how much cloth diapering had changed over the years or how user-friendly it had become.  I was aware how bad disposable diapers are for the planet: terribly difficult to break down and decompose, piling up in landfills, and such.  But for a new mom, disposable diapers were a necessary evil.  They are just so easy.

When Burrito was practically out of diapers, I went to visit a friend who had just had a new baby and she showed me how much cloth diapering had changed and how easy it was now.  No more pail of soaking poopy diapers (gross...I mean, no matter how environmentally sound it would be, I don't think you could pay me to deal with that).  No more slushing that diaper up and down in the toilet.  No more pre-folds with diaper pins (unless you want to!).  Now there were All-in-Ones (AIOs), pocket diapers, and covers with inserts.  Now there was a sprayer you could install on your toilet to spray all that nasty diaper business down the drain without a single slush in the toilet bowl.  I have to admit, my friend made me curious.  Maybe I would be able to do cloth diapering if I ever had another child.

When I got pregnant with Mr. Bean, I began to toss the idea around more.  Not only was there the environmental consideration but there was also the money we would save!  We had two incomes when Burrito was born but now we just have one.  I calculated the thousands of dollars we would end up spending on disposables versus the few hundred on cloth.  There might be something to this!

I began to talk to lots of friends who had done cloth diapering and asked lots of questions.  From the sound of it, getting a laundry routine down seemed to be the toughest part.  The different brands and types of diapers were a bit dizzying and confusing as were the range of options for laundry soap.  I found the most clarity when I visited my local natural baby store, Blooming Bellies, where I was able to inspect different types of diapers myself and ask questions.  The store owner, Jessica, provides excellent customer service and is always willing to help with questions or concerns.  She put up with my several reconnaissance visits to the store as I tried to decide whether I was really going to give cloth a go. She knows a lot about cloth diapers and shares that knowledge very generously.  She steered us toward a more affordable powder laundry soap than even the ones she sells.  She provided a discount when we finally took the plunge and bought a bunch of cloth diapering items.  It's that spirit of service that brings me back to her store again and again.

After looking over some cloth diapers in person, I decided that the GroVia Hybrid diapers, which feature brightly colored diaper shells (covers) with snap-in soaker pads, would be the best choice for our family.  What I love about these diapers is that you do not necessarily have to have a fresh diaper shell each time you change diapers.  If only the soaker pad becomes soiled, you can re-use the shell on the next diaper change.  Sometimes the shells do become soiled or wet, but this option helps reduce the cost of building up the diaper stash and extends the use of those shells a little further.

Nobody is paying me (yet) to endorse GroVia, but they really should because I will give you a whole-hearted vote of confidence.  Not only are they the cutest diapers ever, but they are also incredibly user-friendly and functional.  One of the best features of these diapers is that they come in one size.  The diaper has a series of rise snaps that enable it to be adjusted to be used for newborns all the way up to a potty-trained child, if you also buy the side-flex panels that turn the diaper into a Pull-Up.

Washing the GroVia diapers is really easy too, especially now that Mr. Bean is just on Momma milk.  I wash my diapers daily but hope to build up a big enough stash soon that I can do it every other day.  I'm almost there.  When I change diapers, I just deposit the used liners and shells in a trashcan lined with a Planet Wise pail liner.  These liners are washable, so I have two: one to wash and one to use.  I just dump my soiled diapers straight out of the liner into the washer and then throw the liner in.  I wash on warm with an extra rinse cycle, using Country Save powder detergent.  The shells are hung to dry and dry in a couple of hours.  The soaker pads go in the dryer but I have never gotten them all the way dry there; they are too thick.  Hubby installed a retractable clothes line in the bathroom and we hang the shells and half-dry soaker pads there.  We are lucky to have a window right there too and when I get some pretty bad stains, I have been opening the window to let the UV rays hit the diapers.  Even though it is only indirect sunshine, I have already gotten some amazing results on getting rid of stains.  I can't wait to hang them outside when the weather is better; that will probably really knock out the stains.  (You can't use bleach with these cloth diapers.)

We are only a few weeks into cloth diapering and I do remain humble before this new (to me) method of diapering.  But I will say this: so far, so good.  I am feeling more confident about it each day.  As I've improved the fit of the diapers on Mr. Bean and as he grows, we are getting less blow-outs (which are a reality of life even with disposables).  We will see how things go when we hit the yucky solid poops phase of diapering.  But as of now, I am feeling great about the money we are saving, the cuteness of Mr. Bean's diapered bum, and the lower impact we are having on the environment.

Yep.  I said it.  I love cloth diapering.

taking a mommy break

I was fairly apprehensive about the prospect of taking care of two kiddos at home alone once hubby returned to work.  Could I handle all the work that entailed...especially on less sleep?  How would I deal with a preschooler who was used to demanding all my time and attention while attending to the constant dependency and needs of a new baby?

I have to say, however, that things are going better than I expected.  This is why I generally follow the life principle, "Expect the worst and that way, you may be pleasantly surprised!"  (I wish I were more of an optimist but unfortunately I'm usually not.)  Anyway, although Burrito has had some bouts of jealousy and such, overall she is proving to be an excellent and helpful big sister who says multiple times a day, "Ohhhh, he's just the CUTEST baby!"  I have come to greatly appreciate the little things she does all day to help out.  She hands me things when I'm nursing and can't reach them.  She keeps an eye on her little brother while I clean up after a diaper change.  She offers to throw away a dirty diaper.  She sings to her crying brother.  She really is a blessing.

And taking care of Bean is going better than expected as well.  He is a ravenous eater so that has taken some getting used to.  I was prepared to feed him every two hours--but not every hour or hour and a half!  But he's a pretty good sleeper at night and has been since he was born, for the most part.  Even though I am not getting as much sleep as I would like, I am getting way more than I expected, so life is good.

Nevertheless, there are times each day when the walls begin to close in, when I wonder if I will ever again have a life outside of nursing and changing diapers 24/7, when I wonder if there is a world outside my little nest, when I begin to feel that even my body does not belong to myself right now.  Although I rarely left the house the first few weeks postpartum, I am learning that there is some real value in making mini "Mommy escapes" once Daddy gets home from work.  I am so blessed to live in a town where this is possible.  I can venture out for an hour or less and refresh my spirit so many ways in our town.

Sometimes it's just a trip to the grocery store or drug store and a reminder that there are other grown-ups in the world.  (I remember when Burrito was a little baby, how I would find reasons to visit our tiny grocery store in North Dakota almost daily.)  But my favorite little Mommy escape last week was an hour spent visiting the library and tramping down the street in gorgeous 40 degree temps to visit one of my favorite bakeries in town, Great Northern Foods.  I got a great big piece of their amazing chocolate torte, a treat for Burrito, and some wonderful multigrain rolls.  Books and good food...my spirits were refreshed when I returned home to a son who was ready to eat...again!  (Perhaps he is to be a foodie as well?)  I'm so grateful to live in a place where I don't have to drive a hour away to shop or do something fun...just another reason I love living in the Flathead Valley.

What about you?  What is your favorite Mommy escape?

10 Things I Wish I Had Known about Having a Baby--Part 2

Yesterday, I started a post on 10 Things I Wish I Had Known about Having a Baby. Here is the rest of that post:

7. Don't expect life to carry on as before, just with a cute baby in tow.  Expect life to change forever.  Before I had my daughter, I had this crazy idea that I would do my job with a cute baby in tow.  I guess I thought she would be happy and content all the time and I would just cart her around and there would be no inconvenience whatsoever.  I pictured her napping quietly in my office while I visited with people or typed away at a sermon.  Yeah.  Right.  I did try to work from home or with her in tow a lot, but it wasn't anything like I pictured.  Babies need attention.  A lot of attention.  Unrelenting attention.  They cry, poop, scream and everything in between all day long, at inconvenient times.  If you're going to take baby along to work or work from home, you're going to have to adjust your hours, hire a nanny, live near a grandparent or something.  You're not going to be able to be Supermom and do it all.  Maybe this is why Hillary Clinton once wrote a book reminding us of the African proverb that "it takes a village to raise a child."  We all need a little help.  Even stay-at-home moms (as I am now) need some help...somebody to rock the baby or entertain the preschooler while we start supper or clean the floors.  If we believed before that we could do it all, having a baby will forever humble us and deprive us of that notion.  With my second baby, as I've come to accept that I need help sometimes, I've found a lot more peace.  And I've also found a lot of gratitude for the friends and family God has put into my life. 

8. (This is a biggee.)  It's not your fault if the baby won't stop crying.  Oh the anxiety that arises when baby won't stop crying.  Especially with my daughter, I would get twisted into knots trying to figure out the crying, trying to stop it, wondering why I couldn't.  With my son, I'm at least a bit more easy-going.  I'm older and wiser (although I sometimes do still freak out...I'll be honest).  I've mostly come to realize though that babies just cry.  A LOT.  They are acclimating to the world outside the womb.  Their little brains are still developing.  You and they are still getting to know each other.  They literally feel like they are starving a lot of the time as they go through rapid growth spurts.  As their digestive system develops, they have frequent painful gas.  It's tough to be a baby.

But it's also tough to be a new mommy or daddy.  You feel like you should be able to know how to calm the baby down.  But when you have fed them, burped them, changed them, rocked them, checked for anything causing pain, swaddled them, and you still don't know why the baby is crying, it's helpful to set them carefully in their crib, take a step away and take a deep breath and remind yourself that it's not your fault if the baby won't stop crying.  Sometimes you just won't know why they are crying.  Maybe they're just in a bad mood.  Maybe they are missing the womb.  Who knows?  Go easy on yourself.  You're a good mom...a good dad.  You'll get through this.  Do the best you can and accept that you will not always be able to calm baby.

9. Trust your gut.  Ok, this is one that I was told, but it's important enough I still want to include it.  My Mom told me this when my daughter was born.  She told me that God had chosen me to be my baby's mom and hubby to be my baby's dad.  She said we should trust that God would give us the wisdom and the resources to make wise decisions for our baby.  We would receive lots of conflicting advice from people.  Some of them would be adamant in what we should do.  But we just needed to pray about decisions, talk together and come to our own decisions on what was best for our baby.  I have clung to this advice all through parenting.  And I have tried to also apply it to a gracious attitude towards others' parenting styles and methods.  Every baby and family is different.  Every kid is different.  What works for one kid may not work for another.  So much of parenting is trial and error anyway.  So, have confidence in your parenting abilities.  Don't feel like a failure if you do things differently from everybody else.  God chose you to be your child's parent.

10. Having kids may be tougher than you could imagine, but it is also infinitely more wonderful than you could imagine!  I was really apprehensive about having kids.  My husband wanted to have kids...and I did too, but he was willing to push me to make that leap of faith.  I grew up in a broken family and had a lot of worries about repeating past patterns.  I worried if I would even be a good mother.  I thought I wasn't maternal.  And yet...when those little munchkins were born, something happened to me.  I was pulled out of myself, out of my own navel-gazing into a love that was so much bigger than I was.  I'm not that touchy-feely of a person.  But these little people have changed me...for the better.  They've widened my heart, helped me to be more mellow, taught me more about service, given me confidence that I can care for children and do it well.  They've been so much more of a blessing in my life than I ever could have anticipated.  Having kids is hard and demanding and all the rest of it.  But it's also really wonderful and I'm so glad that I didn't miss out on experiencing parenthood.

So...that's my list...What about the rest of you parents out there?  What do you wish you had known before you became a parent?

10 Things I Wish I Had Known about Having a Baby--Part 1

When my first baby was born, I probably could have written a book on the number of things I didn't know about baby care, postnatal recovery, etc.  With the birth of baby number two, there is a much less steep learning curve, but, particularly since one is a girl and one is a boy, there have still been some things that I wish someone had explained to me ahead of time even now.  There's nothing like on-the-job training but I'd also like to spare any moms-to-be the rude awakening of at least some of these unrealistic expectations if I can.  I am a firm believer that we all do better when we have realistic expectations.  Realistic expectations help us avoid perfectionism, reduce depression and have coping strategies in place when tough times come.

So, without further ado, here is my top 10 list of Things I Wish I Had Known about Having a Baby before I had said baby.  Some are from my first baby and some are from my second.

1. Regular childbirth is much much much (did I mention MUCH?) easier to recover from than a c-section.  I did know this one, but I think I focused so much on the natural aspect of childbirth (no medication!) with my first child that I didn't leave myself as open to the fact that I might need some medical help and that the chief objective of having a vaginal delivery is much more important than doing it hospital or drug free.  With my second baby, I was blessed to have a team of doctors who understood how best to help women have VBACs and although they certainly would have recommended a c-section if it became medically necessary, they would never do it to get to their golf game.  They had so many strategies up their sleeve to help women succeed if at all possible.  I did use some medication with baby number two.  The pain was to a point that it was unmanageable but the rest the medication gave me ultimately helped me succeed at getting a VBAC.  The recovery period has been rapid following normal childbirth, whereas with a c-section, my recovery took a full 8 weeks.  I also have been better able to bond with the baby, have regained energy and strength faster, and have managed to avoid the deeper depression and exhaustion that characterized my first postpartum period.  I was tempted in the midst of the exhaustion and pain of the pushing stage to just tell the doctor to give me a c-section so I could be done.  I'm so glad I didn't and I'm so glad she didn't rush to that option.

2. With that said, you can't control birth and it doesn't really ultimately matter how your baby is born.  You will love them no matter what.  Yes, vaginal delivery is better for most women's bodies and for their postpartum period, but at the same time, we are not God and this never becomes clearer to us than when we go into labor.  My first delivery was everything I hoped it would not be...nightmarishly long followed by a c-section...but even though I had a rough start, I fell in love with my daughter.  All of the pain and discomfort to have her were worth it.  Some women are unable to have vaginal deliveries, for various health reasons.  And all births are different and unpredictable.

After my daughter's birth, I had to come to a place of accepting how things had gone and that even though I had a "birth plan," birth does not really go according to plan.  It's best to know all your options, plan loosely and focus on the the fact that you are about to receive a tremendous gift...one way or another.  Knowing all your options enables you to have a "tool kit" to reach into.  The wise old nurse who did our childbirth classes this time told us, "If your pain gets out of control, that's when it's time to think about changing something."  That's when to reach into the tool kit and pick out a new tool...a new position, a new pain coping mechanism, a medication, maybe even a c-section if necessary.  Being too rigid in birth can only set you up for disappointment--or even depression.

3. Be prepared for some weird postpartum bodily stuff.  Everybody tells you about the baby blues and postpartum depression, so you probably won't be too surprised if you burst into tears at the drop of a hat.  But no one had told me about the world's longest period (lasting 4-6 weeks postpartum), the night sweats, or the rapid and sudden weight loss that can occur within a few days after birth (especially if you are nursing). Nursing and night sweats take the weight and fluid off fast.  If you gained a little extra during pregnancy, it won't completely restore you to pre-pregnancy weight, but you could lost 20-25 pounds in the matter of days.  With my first pregnancy, this scared me to death.  I thought perhaps something was wrong with me!  Be prepared for some potential anxiety, shakiness, and feeling pretty weird with that kind of rapid weight loss.  Be prepared to eat plenty of protein and calories if this happens; you will need them!  Your system should stabilize in a few days to a couple of weeks.

4. Nursing can be painful at first--sometimes very painful--even if you are doing everything correctly (take that, Le Leche!:-)).  Some women are just more sensitive than others and it does take a little time to toughen up.  It bothers me a lot when Le Leche members tell people that nursing should not hurt if you are doing everything right and if baby has a proper latch.  This is true a month or two down the road once you have toughened up and acclimated to nursing.  But it might hurt a bit or a lot at first, even if you are trying your darndest to get baby latched properly.  The pain is typically when the baby first latches on but if you have gotten blisters, it can last throughout the nursing session.  So, yes, address the baby's latch, but be patient with yourself and with the pain and soreness.  If nursing is important to you (and there are a ton of benefits to health and bonding), try giving nursing 4-6 weeks.  Generally, problems resolve by then, baby learns to suck properly, soreness begins to ease, and skin toughens up.  Also, make use of a lactation consultant if you can, use cloth nursing pads (much less abrasive than the disposable ones), and try lanolin or natural nipple cream.  Finally, if you experiencing cracking or blisters, soaking the affected area in warm salt water after nursing is soothing and helpful in promoting healing.  This was a life-saver for me the first time around!

5. Be prepared for the amount of time you will spend nursing--at least 8-12 times per day for at least 30 minutes each time.  Baby will eventually get more efficient at nursing.  He or she will fall asleep less and get more focused.  And your body will adjust to providing baby the proper amount of milk.  But initially it is a huge time commitment.  Not only that but your little baby liposuction machine will be sucking fat out of your body so fast that you will have never been so hungry or thirsty in your entire life.  Drink a full glass of water as often as you can and get multiple high-energy snacks throughout the day (trail mix, yogurt, cheese sticks, granola bars, cookies, apples and peanut butter, bagels and cream cheese, etc.).  A depleted mom is not a happy mom.  Early on, I find myself looking at my job as two-fold: feed baby all day and feed myself all day.

Although baby will eventually become more efficient at nursing and will drop feedings little by little, for as long as you are nursing, it is still a big commitment of time and energy.  I was totally unprepared for this with my first baby. Nursing is a supply and demand game, so a person has to do it regularly to ensure enough milk supply.  This means feedings can very rarely be put off without consequences.  Yes, you can have a dinner date with hubby and leave a bottle for the sitter.  But if you don't nurse or pump every few hours, one way or another, your supply is going to start dropping.  Finding a way to combine nursing or pumping with work schedules is one of the most challenging things a modern mom has to do.  And in our culture, there are many times it's well nigh impossible.  It was a huge challenge for me to nurse and work with my first daughter--and I had a very flexible schedule.  I can't imagine how women with more rigid schedules manage to do it!  Still, if you can do it, it's worth doing.  My daughter had almost no sickness in the 17 months I nursed her.  My newborn did not catch the colds that we had in the house right after he was born.  And the benefit to bonding is outstanding.

If you can't manage nursing, though, no guilt!  We all have to think and decide what is best for our families and if it is killing you to nurse, it might be time to stop.  Again, a depleted mom is not a happy mom.  Being depleted affects the baby too.  No child care decisions are perfect and we all do the best we can.  The best thing we can do for other women is support them in the difficult choices they make about such a wide range of baby-care decisions.  Being a mom is tough and all of us need more encouragement, not more criticism.

6. Baby boys eat more.  A lot more.  After my son was born a month ago, I was shocked at the constant feeding he wanted to do!  I mentioned to my friends that he wanted to eat every hour, oftentimes.  Their response was, "Oh, that's boys!"  Apparently, everyone else was aware that boys eat a ton more than girls and often go into marathon nursing sessions.  Nobody bothered to tell me though!  I was prepared for the more regular every 2-3 hours feedings my daughter did.  Nope.  Most of the moms of boys that I've talked to since Bean was born have said their sons did the same marathon nursing sessions.  Now I know!

To be continued tomorrow....

the birth of mr. bean

It's really shocking how long it has been since I posted.  This pregnancy turned out to be really difficult, all nine months of it.  I feel like I spent the better part of the past year lying in bed and of course everything (housework, playing with the Burrito, cooking, and blogging) kind of slid.  I struggled through exhaustion (even in the supposedly golden second trimester), much more nausea, a lot of pain and contractions... Not fun.  I even had a couple episodes of bleeding--one so early that it was pretty scary (although it turned out to be nothing of consequence).  The scary times reminded me, though, that in the midst of what was a very uncomfortable pregnancy, I truly did want this baby. 

About a month or so before Bean arrived, I began having more and more irregular contractions.  Some felt like Braxton Hicks; some felt like something more.  Although the contractions were usually not time-able, they were intense enough that I would often have to lie down for hours while my belly squeezed over and over again.  Some bleeding around this time made me think baby was coming soon but after a visit to the hospital, I still had a month to wait.  Every day, it was exhausting paying close attention to my body and trying to figure out if "this was it."  Baby was very low and I swear he was bouncing on his head somedays!  Ouch. 

With my daughter's birth, I had no prelabor symptoms that I remember.  The start of labor was very clear.  Not so this time.  Time continued to pass and continued to pass and we even considered doing a scheduled c-section if I went overdue. 

A couple of days before Bean was due, I woke up to use the bathroom and noticed what felt like a stronger contraction.  However, I had been disappointed many, many times before.  I shrugged and figured this was probably the same and would peter out just like the others.  Besides, all the books said, "While in early labor, go back to bed if it's nighttime.  Get some rest before it gets hard to do it later."  So I went back to sleep. 

About 2:30 AM, I woke again to use the restroom and noticed what felt like time-able contractions, 5 minutes apart.  I felt a couple of them and then woke my husband to ask him to begin actually timing.  A few minutes later, I said, "You know, I would feel more comfortable if you would finish packing my hospital bag."  We timed for about an hour and the contractions were coming pretty consistently.  So we called the doctor.  She asked if I could walk or talk through the contractions.  "Well," I said, "I've built up a lot of endurance in the past month, so theoretically I could, but I really think that maybe I should come in."  The next call went out to the family who would be watching Burrito for us while we went to the hospital and the mom hurried over to pick her up.  Just after she pulled in the driveway, I was sitting on the bed, felt that teensy "pop!" and my water broke!  I found myself beginning to feel a little anxious.  The contractions were already getting fairly strong and I knew this would make them a lot stronger.  Nausea hit (which I knew was a sign of going through transition) and I headed into the bathroom to throw up. 

At this point, labor began to get intense.  My husband loaded up the car while I tried to get myself together and we took off for the hospital.  It's about a 20-25 minute drive there and while we drove, my contractions got much stronger and closer together.  I began to wonder if I would make it to the hospital on time.  I even felt the urge to push...which seemed awfully soon since it had taken me over a day of labor to feel the urge to push with my daughter.  By the time we arrived at the hospital, my contractions were 2 minutes apart and strong.  I could barely get out of the car and into the wheelchair.  And this former home birth lady was begging for an epidural!  The pain was just out of control by this time. The only thing that brought any relief at all was pushing (although I was not yet doing organized pushing).

It seemed to take hours and hours to get my pain medication (which turned out to be a spinal anesthetic) but my husband assures me it was not that long.  Once I received the medication, I was able to relax within about 15 minutes.  I rested for a couple of hours and that felt great!  Nurses and the doctors told me I could push whenever I wanted (because I was fully dilated and effaced by the time I arrived at the hospital!).  I didn't want to.  I wanted to lay down and enjoy the comfy medicine.  Finally, about 7:30 AM my doctor came in and gave me the tough love.  I'd been asking for another medication before this one wore off, not wanting to get to out-of-control pain again.  She told me there was no point in doing that because I was ready to push and it would just delay things.  She told me it was time to get to work. 

Thus began two really tough hours.  I experienced a lot of self-doubt and memories of my labor with Burrito.  I remembered that this was how it had felt, how long I had pushed and how I had not been able to do it.  I was really worried that this would happen again.  Maybe I couldn't do it.  I kept thinking to myself, "Maybe I should just ask them to do the c-section.  I obviously can't do it."  Because, let me tell you, they give you pain meds., but they wear off quite a bit when you get to the pushing stage!  It was painful and one of the toughest workouts I've ever done.  But my husband, the doctors and nurses didn't give up on me.  They kept encouraging me, pushing me to keep going and believing in me. 

The moment when I felt Bean crown was one of the most amazing moments of my life.  I knew in that moment that I was going to be able to do it.  I knew that he was coming and I was avoiding a c-section.  I knew that he was probably just moments away.  Sure enough, within a couple more pushes he was out and laying on my chest.  It was about 9:30 in the morning...just 7 hours since labor had begun in earnest.  I couldn't believe it.  My baby was here.  He proceeded to coo in the most adorable fashion for about a half an hour.  Amazing.

I am so grateful for the doctors and nurses who knew how important it is to try to avoid surgery, if at all possible, and who worked so hard to get me the delivery that I wanted.  I also learned that a little medication, used judiciously, can be a very helpful thing in labor.  Not all medical interventions are wrong.  The best possible world for delivery is a good hospital, like the one we have here in the Flathead Valley, where both natural techniques and medical interventions are available.  Having all the tools at my disposal set me up for success in delivery and made sure both baby and I stayed healthy and well-taken care of.

Although I'm suffering the usual bouts of emotions and tiredness after having a baby, my physical recovery is going so much better without having to have a c-section.  And the support of my community of friends, family, and church family has greatly improved my state of mind and body as well.  As time goes by, I find myself bonding with Mr. Bean more and more every day and the whole difficult pregnancy begins to fade far into the recesses of my mind.  Going through the discomfort and difficulty was totally worth it...because now I have Mr. Bean.

adventures in pregnancy: mr. bean

Pregnancy has not been good for blogging.  I thought it might be.  I mean, I could whine and moan about the discomforts of pregnancy for NINE WHOLE MONTHS, right?  Ample material!  But...I also started to think of how SICK of my whining my friends and readers would get...and how sad my friends who struggle with conceiving might feel...and how STINKIN' TIRED I would be--so tired that even spending time whining and moaning seemed as though it might take too much energy.  I remember after my first trimester how I knew I was beginning to feel a bit better because the idea of watching a TV show downstairs on the couch was not so overwhelmingly exhausting (I'd been crashing in bed many hours a day).  LAYING ON THE COUCH was exhausting!  I mean, seriously!  Who can blog?

Not to mention that my blog definitely takes a food slant and just try writing about food when you can't stomach food.  Just, ew.  Gross.

I have barely cooked for my family in months.  Yep, that's right.  Me.  Flathead Mama.  Foodie.  More often than not, I find myself getting take-out or making a big salad for dinner.  Or a sandwich.  Mmmmmm....  Garlic has become persona non grata, which eliminates basically all of my recipes except dessert (although if I had found a way to add garlic to dessert, that probably would be part of my repertoire too!).  The first trimester, I couldn't cook or even stand cooking smells in the house.  I was craving chili one day and I made my husband cook it on the barbecue grill.  A few friends brought me casseroles.  BLESS THEM.  Because of them, my family could actually eat a few home-cooked meals!  And Sweet Peaks...Oh, God bless Sweet Peaks...their creamy, homemade ice cream was one of the few things that tasted really good.  Hence, my visits about three times a week.  No exaggeration.

And then...just as the afternoon sickness of nausea began to abate, I got a bad sinus infection that turned into a cough that made me throw up (which, strangely enough, I had never done from pregnancy nausea...in either pregnancy!).  And then I got food poisoning and had diarrhea for 4 days.  I was reminded of the line from The Devil Wears Prada: "I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."  Haha.  In a way, it was good.  I had gained a little weight before getting pregnant.  This equaled me out a little bit.  Look on the positive side, I guess.  I wouldn't recommend 4 days of diarrhea as the best diet ever though.  Don't try this at home.

I got so depleted, I started having what almost felt like contractions.  So I had to get checked out at labor and delivery.  There was enough instability that they ordered an ultrasound.  But ultimately, baby was found to be staying put.  I went home, rested, stayed in bed (some more) while my husband did basically everything (some more).  BLESS HIM.  Without him, I probably couldn't have gotten well.  But I did.

The last week or so has been good.  We have done more fun things in the last week than in practically the whole pregnancy combined.  (Arts Festival!  Swimming at the lake!  Farmer's Market!  Thursday Fest in Kalispell!  Movie with the hubby!)  I'm tired and sore these days (and suffering from more allergies than usual), but functional.  And we found out this week that our baby Bean is a boy, so we have taken to calling him Mr. Bean.  I'm feeling him move more and more and so grateful to have gotten this far.  So grateful for the husband, daughter, family, and friends who have helped me through the hormones and sickness and difficulties of the first trimester (and part of the second).  So grateful to God for sustaining me even through an all-too-frequent negative attitude.  So grateful for the good and replenishing activities I've been able to do this week.

I hope with some renewed health and energy, I will be able to post a little more often.  But however things work out, know that I plan to be with this blog long-term.  Because, well, writing is awesome.  And so are my readers.