computer Sabbath

A couple of weeks ago, I was totally ready to lose it.  The stress was piling up so high.  It seemed like I had constant commitments and projects: some for church, some of my own goals, some for husband and Burrito, some for others, some for writing projects.  And most of it centered around the computer.  Which makes sense, since my main skill set is writing.  But I just COULDN'T TURN IT OFF.

It wasn't that I disliked doing any of the projects I was committed to.  In fact, I loved every single one of them and every single one used my gifts and abilities.  I wasn't coloring outside the lines of how God designed me.  It was just that there was so much to do.  And I wasn't getting the down time that my introvert self needs in order to function well.

That this coincided with truly in-earnest toddler behaviors and some attempts at potty training did not make it any easier.  I felt upset at myself for over-commiting and doing the things I love to do.  Was I really being fair to my husband and daughter who need an unstressed, stable person at home?

And then I remembered something I have practiced during stressful times in the past.  When I was in North Dakota, I was getting a lot of stressful emails (and in this case, they were not related to happy situations in which I was using my gifts...they related to strife and judgment, and discussing strife and judgment with trusted friends).  And I was getting so stressed out by having to be "on" all the time that I began to adhere to a computer Sabbath.  This meant powering down the socially "on" button, saying no to workaholism and trusting that all the same problems and responsibilities would be there the next day.  I think I took my day off in North Dakota (Monday) as my computer Sabbath.  And it helped.  I was able to get as much of a mental break as I could muster in the situation, such as it was.

So as I began to feel pretty darn stressed out here in Montana, I decided to bring the computer Sabbath back.  I think that finding Sabbath is even harder for stay-at-home parents and other people who work at home than it is for those who work outside the home.  For most people who work outside the home, there is a clear end time of work and oftentimes even a whole weekend to enjoy.  I understand nobody's time schedule is perfect and we all have challenges getting in time to rest, recreate, and build relationships with our loved ones, but I think stay-at-home people and always-on call-people like pastors and doctors have a particularly difficult time.

We all need to learn how to use the "off" button for our work.  Work can be a wonderful and meaningful thing, particularly when it is work that we feel gifted for and called to do (as I do with my writing--for pay and for volunteer opportunities--and my work as a mother and support to my husband).  But even joyful work is a work from which we need rest.

There could be no more joyful work than God's artistic work of creating the whole world.  Think of the colors, the detail, the beauty.  And no one needed rest less than God Himself.  He is self-sufficient in Himself.  But He knew that we would need to rest.  And so on the seventh day, after six days of creation, God rested.  He did this so that we would learn to stop what we are doing and rest too.

To take a Sabbath means to trust in God enough that we take ourselves off of the throne.  Psalm 127:1-3 says, "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.  In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-- for he grants sleep to those he loves" (NIV).

What does this mean?  This means that we trust that at the end of the day, we are not responsible for the fate of the world--or the fate of any part of the world.  God has told us to rest and so we do it, trusting in faith that if we do, what He truly wants us to get done will get done.  We stop idolizing ourselves and our efforts in the world and we worship God alone.

And, oh, what a huge sigh of relief when we do this!  We don't have to always be "on."  We can take a rest and recharge and it will be ok. 

For every person, we may take Sabbath a little differently.  It's not about legalism.  As Jesus once said, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath" (Mark 2:27, NIV).  For me, because I find myself tied to the computer all the time (even for good reasons), because I sometimes focus on it too much, because I get overstressed if I don't take a break from all my projects, a meaningful step is to turn the computer off one day a week.  I do this on Sundays now.

And I'm not gonna kid you.  It's difficult.  Particularly for the first half of the day as I get used to the idea.  I am tempted over and over again to go turn the computer on and check something.  I almost feel like the computer is a third arm; that's how connected I am to it!  And I feel like I am missing an arm when I turn it off.  But that is precisely why I need a break from the computer.  I need to remember that God is on the throne, not me.  I need to nurture relationships with my husband and daughter (all too often, I turn away from them and to a screen).  I need to catch up on my enjoyable reading.  I need to breathe.

And it's amazing...really, amazing...how little I miss when I step away.  Until I do step away, I essentially believe that I will miss everything if I look away from my computer for a second.  And I suppose once and a while, I may miss something fun or important.  But most of the time, there isn't much going on that matters that much.  And even if I do miss something, it will still be there waiting for me the next day.

I can't tell you the relief and stress reduction I am feeling as I step away from my work for a short time to get the rest God counseled us to take.  God truly is wise. 

How do you find Sabbath in your day to day life?  I'd love to hear your experiences.

and she turns three...

Cinderella cake from Safeway.  Before her skirt melted.

I have been going on and on about the "terrible threes" in recent posts, but Burrito actually turned 3 only this weekend.  I had been looking forward to this day for a couple of months at least.  I could hardly wait to absolutely delight my daughter.  And she had been looking forward to her birthday for months too.  She was well-acquainted with the idea that birthdays mean presents and cake.  Every day, she asked, "It my birthday today???"  And every day, we had to say no.

And so, it was highly amusing when she woke up on her actual birthday and turned on the light in her room and got to playing, completely unaware that the longed-for day had actually arrived!  Christopher and I went in to see her and told her we had a song to sing to her.  We sang "Happy Birthday" and delight began to spread across her face as it began to dawn on her that it had at last arrived! 

She had pancakes for breakfast and got to open presents and got to do pretty much whatever she wanted (within reason).  She took a nap and in the evening, her friends began to arrive for her very first kid party.  I hadn't told her that they would probably bring presents because I didn't want her to have a case of the "gimmees" and I didn't want anyone to feel pressured to bring something.  So when each family showed up at the door with a gift bag in hand, she was so excited!  I had to smile.

Well, we had a few mishaps along the way.  We ran out of propane for the barbecue grill and Christopher made it to the hardware store just before it closed.  Whew, that was a close one.  And part of the frosting on Burrito's Cinderella cake melted as the kitchen got warm (but luckily, I don't think Burrito noticed).  And then there was the whole insult to my skills as a cake-maker that were overlooked in Burrito's preference for a sugary (tasteless?) store-bought cake.  But for once my foodie self yielded to my daughter.  A Cinderella cake she wants?  A Cinderella cake she shall have!

It was a wonderful evening.  Guests stayed in the backyard until the sun began to set.  Children decorated our patio with sidewalk chalk.  Children ran everywhere.  Children played in the new sandbox we gave Burrito.  Children blew bubbles.  Adults conversed happily.  The food spread was delicious (thanks to the birthday party ideas of Pioneer Woman, we served sliders and homemade mac and cheese with a topping bar of caramelized onions, Gorgonzola cheese and bacon...yum!). 

My heart was so full watching my daughter happily playing with her friends.  You see, growing up I had virtually no friends...or at least, virtually no "in person" friends.  Partly due to my shyness, partly due to a little over-protectiveness from my parents, and partly due to frequent moves that made it hard to put down roots, I was pretty lonely growing up, even if I didn't always acknowledge it to myself.  I love that my daughter has such wonderful social skills, such an ability to make new friends and interact with them whole-heartedly.  I love that she doesn't feel lonely most of the time.  After all, God made us for relationships, with Himself and others.

And my heart was full as I looked around at the group of parents who had gathered with us for this special day.  I was so very lonely in North Dakota, and now God has set this lonely one in a family of other believers with whom I can be myself, warts and all.  Each of the friends who gathered with us add something very special to my life.  I am a better person for knowing them all. 

My heart is full indeed...and my daughter is three...what joy...

multitudes on monday (56-60)

Today I am grateful for:

56. Time to write.  Not having to work outside the home, I find myself with far more time and energy for writing.  And it's wonderful and fulfilling.  I am so grateful.

57. A fantastic birthday party for my daughter who turned 3!  We had the most wonderful evening with a backyard barbecue, happy children running around and an absolutely delighted daughter.

58. Our friends, who make our lives so much richer.  In North Dakota, we had almost no friends our own age for most of the time that we lived there.  What friends we did have were busy pastors (just like us).  My soul was thirsting for friendships, real ones where I could be open and honest, warts and all.  God has given these friends to me.  In the flesh.

59. The opportunity I have to sit down and just soak in God's Word at a local Bible study.  It's so wonderful to not have to be the leader sometimes.

60. The end of a wonderful stewardship campaign that I assisted with at church.  The best part of it was the wonderful relationships I developed with two savvy, smart, faithful older women, who I worked with on the campaign.  They encouraged me so much and it has been so long since I was praised for something I did in ministry.  It was water to a thirsty soul.  It was so wonderful too to see how our gifts balanced each other out; each of us could do something the others couldn't.  What a blessing!

What are you thankful for today?

things i love about the three's

After my "mommy frustrations" post the other day, I thought it would be worthwhile to remind myself all of the blessings of having a toddler.  I quickly forget the trauma of past stages and focus in on the negative.  But since I am trying to have more of an attitude of thanksgiving in my life, perhaps I should apply the thankfulness principle to my toddler.

So, what do I love about having a toddler?  Here are some thoughts:
--I laugh far more than I ever used to.  I have a daughter who thinks everything is "silly" and "funny."
--I can now have conversations with my daughter.  She has a great ability to understand conversation and a great verbal ability.
--I have been having more chances to teach her to cook.  She loves to stand on a chair and dump ingredients in and stir.  She even remembers the "why" of instructions many times.
--Her extroversion gets me out of my shell with other people.
--I get to see my daughter have the friends that I never had as a child.  I delight in seeing her ability to make friends easily.  I delight in her extroverted personality and the way she runs up to a friend and just naturally gives them a big hug.
--She remembers to pray for people that I might forget to pray for, like people who have stopped by the church in need.  She prays for the "people in trouble" and once when my husband shared with someone who he was helping a second time that my daughter had specifically been praying for him each night, the man about teared up.  She is already doing ministry!
--She has a very active imagination and loves to sing and dance and act.  I love her creative side.
--She will sometimes burst out with an unexpected kiss or an "I love you very, very much."  And she melts my heart when she does this.
--She often compliments my cooking!  "Mmmm!  This tastes really good!"  (As long as its not "spicy"!)
--She sometimes says something and then adds, "I was just joking!"
--She is able to help in small ways around the house--unloading the dishwasher, getting parts of her lunch out of the fridge, bits of vacuuming.  And she is usually willing to help out.
--She has a great sense of fun and brings out the playful side in my usually too-serious self.

So, yes, some of the toddler behaviors drive me nuts.  But there is much to rejoice in too.  And on my frustrated days, I need to remember that and to model my belief that bad behavior times are an opportunity to show unconditional love.

What do you love about the toddler years?

Mommy page: new website

A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from the folks at Mommy Page, a new coupon/deals website whose target audience is, obviously, Moms.  They were looking to do a trade: interview me for their website and provide me some extra visibility, and in exchange gain some visibility for their website on my blog.  You can find the interview article here.  Thanks to Mommy Page for a little free advertising!  And I know my readers are always interested in a deal!

Here's the information they asked me to post, provided by Jennifer Drummond:

We’ve just launched a new site, Mommy Page, to bring expecting moms, new moms and veteran mothers a single source for all of the deals, coupons and savings chances offered over the internet!

Our goal at Mommy Page is to search the internet to find and consolidate the latest free samples, coupons and special offers from some of the best name brands that moms like us love!  When the brands we love most aren’t offering something special - we have a team of mothers that reach out to those companies to motivate them to offer something great to our MommyPage Turners!   

MommyPage currently has found and posted offers such as VTech Kids, Kellogg’s, ThredUp, Baby Talk and American Baby! 

Beyond our offers and deals, MommyPage facilitate all moms navigate their way through parenting. Our community of moms share stories on buying maternity clothes, healthy and balanced eating for two, baby behavior, first day at preschool and more!  Being a mom is about managing a home and way of living.  With our helpful hints on parenting and access to savings - we hope to help moms make parenthood a prosperous adventure!

We hope that you let us to join you in your adventure in parenting!  Visit our Mommy Page now.

the terrible three's?

I posed a question to my Facebook friends today, asking them if I was the only one whose child hit three and suddenly caused their mother to feel she was losing her mind.  Well, much to my relief, I am not the only one! 

The big changes have been happening in the past few months.  I've been struggling to articulate what I am finding so difficult about the "terrible three's" but a bit of therapeutic discussion on Facebook helped me to flesh it out a bit.  It's not just one thing that is driving me nuts (as in the infant days, "none of us is getting enough sleep!").  It's the cumulative total of toddler-related things that is doing it. 

Here are the terrible three's behaviors I am struggling with:
--Burrito used to be sweet and compliant and able to be reasoned with.  Now, not so much.
--The whining!  Oh, the whining!
--Wanting constant motion and constant attention (or at least, it seems that way).
--Refusal to sit in one place--at meals, when I am trying to talk to her, during prayers.
--Refusal to focus for prayer time.  Really, they're simple prayers.  Is a little respect too much to ask?
--Squirrely behavior during church.  I want to hear the sermon but I don't want to let her disturb everyone else.
--Getting up earlier in the morning.  Eek!  I'm not a morning person!
--Being able to escape her bed and therefore being able to play when she should be sleeping.
--Thinking hitting, biting, pulling hair, etc. is funny.  I tell her often that hands are not for hitting.  Not that I can get her to stand still long enough to listen.
--Occasionally saying mean things (although it does seem like she is trying on words for size as opposed to really meaning them).

She used to have her opinions, yes, but was far more influenced by Mom and Dad.  I guess she is just discovering her own mind.  And I respect that she has her own opinions.  I respect her.  I just need a little reassurance that she won't always fight me on so many things (recently, when I call her "my precious daughter," she says she is not but that she is in fact Angelina Ballerina).  I need reassurance that she will develop empathy and the ability to focus when it comes to faith.  Don't get me wrong...she has some beautiful moments of empathy, faith, kindness and love.  She is a sweet girl and I love her dearly but the independent streak is about to make me pull my hair out. 

This post would fall under the category, "Not Supermom!"  I would love to hear your strategies for dealing with toddler behaviors such as these.  And I'd love to hear about your strategies for dealing with the tiredness brought about by parenting such a rambunctious, independent girl.

multitudes on monday (51-55)

I'm juggling a lot of projects lately and missed posting Multitudes last week. 

Isn't it the truth that when we most need to reflect on our blessings and give thanks to God that it falls by the wayside?  This is a growing edge for me.

Here's this week's list of things I am thankful for:

51. An afternoon off on Saturday on which I took myself to see The Help and remembered why I loved the book so much.
52. Having 3 of 6 parenting Bible study lessons written for church...and having God challenging me in the areas I'm writing about.
53. New people in church yesterday and a husband who courageously speaks the truth in his sermons.
54. A break from potty training, which was exhausting me.
55. The ability to chew again!  TMJ seems to be gone, at least for now.

What are you thankful for today?