be careful that you do not forget...

I got my fresh start in the Flathead Valley over a year ago now.  I moved here in late December of 2010, exhausted, depleted, disheartened, sad, and lonely.  Since then, so many wonderful things have happened.  I returned to my writing roots (which I had had almost no time to devote to during my time in ministry).  I started my blog.  I started doing some copywriting and copyediting.  I got to stay home with my daughter and enjoy making countless wonderful memories with her.  I made friends--wonderful, honest, authentic, welcoming, caring, Jesus-centered friends.  I had great opportunities to use my spiritual gift of teaching through MOPS and Bible studies at church.  I got to connect with members of my church who are just as excited about Jesus' mission on earth as I am and brainstorm ways to live that mission out.  I got to enjoy the beauty of this area--snow-covered mountains and tamaracks and sparkling lakes.  I felt myself coming alive again.  I started to heal from some hurts of the past.

But it's amazing how a person starts to get used to God's blessings.  I think that I do this with my husband as well.  I so easily forget how lonely I was as a single person, how I prayed on my knees with tears, asking God to send me a husband.  I so easily forget worrying that I would die alone.  I so easily forget wondering if I was destined to be single forever.  And now I have a tremendously wonderful husband, who consistently shows me God's love, who is compassionate and kind, who helps me in so many ways around the house, who listens to me without judgment, who understands me better than perhaps anyone...and I easily forget how that is not a normal thing.  That this is a given thing.  That this is a gift.  I so easily pass him by and think he gives me my due.  But in truth, he gives me much more than I deserve.  I pass him by so often like a woman who's gotten used to living by the Grand Canyon.

I get used to God's other blessings too.  God wants me to stop, pay attention, and remember what tremendous gifts He has given me in my life.  Rather than get annoyed with the ways my daughter gets in the way of my plans, God wants me to stop and contemplate the mystery that is an entire human being that one day was not and then one day was.  God wants me to be reverent and joyful and watch as He continues to fashion her, His masterpiece.  I am on the cusp of the flower unfolding.

I have my husband, my daughter, Montana, my friends.  There was a time when I did not have any of these things.  I am thankful.  I am thankful for what I have been given. 

"When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you--a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant--then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."--Deuteronomy 6:10-12 (NIV)

christians are fighting the wrong battles

A big issue in the Flathead Valley during the past few months has been contention over whether a large Jesus Statue in Whitefish, MT, erected about 50 years ago by Knights of Columbus World War II veterans, could remain on the  U.S Forest Service land it currently occupies.  The Freedom from Religion organization, which is based out of Wisconsin, has been the primary group attempting to get rid of the statue, due to concerns over the separation of church and state.  This has Christians in the Flathead Valley up in arms about the attacks of the "godless unbelievers."

Let me start by saying, I am definitely pro-Jesus (obviously!) and it sounds like the statue had a good purpose.  Although I have also heard rumors of partying that took place around the statue, that doesn't take away from the good purpose in putting up the statue to begin with.  I think the attacks against it are silly and not very helpful to unity in our country.  Perhaps we could all consider the sacred act of serving in war and give a little when it comes to what our soldiers found comforting when they returned home.  Tearing down or moving the statue does seem to be in poor taste and not very respectful of our soldiers' service.

However.  I am really befuddled by the way Christians are acting about the whole thing.  They have gotten their eyes completely off of our mission as Christians.  To them, the battle is to defend ourselves against those who want to take our way of life away from us.  It's Christians vs. godless heathen.

I look at the whole thing and see some atheists who are being unfair, but who also need the love of Christians who love the real Jesus more than a statue on a hill.  What about how the Apostle Paul told us that to him, all the things that were considered religious glory in the past were now loss to him, in light of being able to know Christ, the fellowship of His sufferings, His resurrection?  Was Paul talking about a statue of Jesus--or the actual Jesus?

I'm not suggesting we just become politically correct.  But I do think, we need to let go of battles that are not nearly as important as showing God's love and communicating the Gospel.  Most atheists are convinced that Christians are nothing but hateful, closed-minded idiots.  My response to that is: show them wrong!  Go out there and love atheists!  Talk intelligently to them.  Don't give for a moment on your core beliefs that we are all sinners in need of a Savior, but act like you realize you too are a sinner who needs a Savior!  Be humble!

The world will not rise or fall on whether a Jesus statue remains on a mountainside.  What the world will live or die by is whether they come to a saving faith in Jesus.  This will not be accomplished by snide, sarcastic newspaper opinion letters (and we have had quite a few lately).  This will not be accomplished by rallies of people surrounding a statue and claiming their rights.  This will be accomplished by people who know their hope is in heaven, not in a statue.  A real witness is not found through a piece of art, but through people who are living poiemas or "masterpieces" created in Christ Jesus and given faith in order to do good in a broken world (Ephesians 2:8-10).

Sure, the world is often unfair to Christians.  They see the bad eggs and blame us all.  They try to push us out of the public square.  They fail to see the good that we do, the caring for our neighbor, the hungry, the sick, the unwed mother.  They accuse us of not caring about those things.  (And of course, sometimes we deserve the criticism, but we get it whether we do or not.)  My response is: so what?  What else did you expect from a broken world that needs Jesus?  Do you think you find Christians who are being persecuted in communist China complaining about how horribly unfair unbelievers are to them?  No, to the contrary, they ask not for prayers for the persecution to stop but rather for prayers that they may be a witness in the midst of persecution.  They don't claim their rights; they follow Jesus.  They aren't surprised when they are persecuted; they look at it as an opportunity to show God's love.

We Christians have got to stop claiming our rights.  We have got to start focusing instead on how to bring God's light to a lost world.  We have got to stop thinking the world owes us a certain standard of treatment.  We need to start forgiving when we are treated badly.  Maybe then the world might sit up and take notice and ask us for "the reason of the hope within us."  And even if they don't, they won't be able to use us for an excuse anymore to disbelieve in God.

We Christians have been fighting the wrong battles.  Ephesians 6 tells us our battle is not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces in the heavenly realms.  Let's start living like that's true.

autumn in the flathead valley

This is my first fall in Montana and I am loving it.  The air is beginning to get a bit of bite to it, especially in the early morning and at night, but it is still warm enough to play outside or walk during the day.  And by afternoon, I start taking my sweater off and turning down the heat. 

Here in Montana, we get a full and beautiful fall.  It started in September as the trees turned brilliant shades of red, orange, yellow and brown.  They slowly fell to the ground and on a windy day, it was as if it were raining leaves outside.  The smell of wet leaves, smoke caught in the breeze, and clear blue skies with October sun shining down.  The Tamarack pines carpeting the mountainside turned golden in the autumn cold before their pine needles shed for the winter.  The splendid beauty of autumn is everywhere.

The locals are caught up in hunting fever these days; men and even whole families routinely take off for days to weeks at a time in search of meat to stock their freezers with for winter.  Elk is a big draw and I already have 4 pounds of ground elk in my freezer, due to the generosity of someone at church.  (In fact, elk was my very first meal as a resident of Montana.)  The downside to this hunting frenzy is that grizzly bear attacks are on the rise in remote places.  The bears will soon settle in for winter and when their hungry stomachs meet hunters with fresh carcasses, it can be a bad combination.  Most people do fine, however, and most eat what they kill.  Montanans are self-reliant.

I won't be taking up hunting any time soon, but I will be embracing the beauty of autumn in this most beautiful of places.  It's the time for homemade soup and bread, for apple pie and baked apples.  It's the time for fireplaces and crackling logs and snuggles on the couch.  It's the time for toddler's bright pink cheeks as she jumps into a pile of leaves.  It's the time for going to plays at the local theatre.  It's the time for being quiet and reading a good book.  It's the time for baking pumpkin cream cheese muffins with spiced crumb topping.  It's autumn time in the Flathead Valley and I for one am loving it.

Fall Resolutions Challenge: Join up!

If you follow my blog on Facebook, you know that I've begun a Fall Resolutions Challenge through the middle of November.  The challenge is basically to make a weekly goal for the next month and see it through.  You can find accountability to accomplish your goal through the Flathead Mama blogging community.  There's still time to join up, if you're interested.  Just go to my page on Facebook, click "like" and post your challenge for the month.  Make sure the challenge is something simple and achievable for you.

Where did this idea come from?  Well, check out this post for the back story.  I guess I just finally got tired of being out of shape to an extent even shocking for a sedentary person like myself.  I know that I'll never be a great athlete, but surely I can take some simple steps to be a bit healthier.  I also know that since I suffer from anxiety and depression, exercise can be a powerful boost to mood.  I read an article in Oprah's magazine a few years ago that cited research showing that exercise can be as effective as an antidepressant. 

Anyway, I have made the goal for myself to get in three workouts a week, either walking for a half hour or doing a Pilates routine (if it's raining).  This seems like an achievable goal for me and I sat down with my husband to discuss how we could make it happen realistically in our schedule.  It's just about getting some movement and feeling and looking healthier. 

For me, I feel that exercise that is natural has a better chance of succeeding.  Hence, walking!  The Flathead Valley is beautiful this time of the year as the leaves begin to change.  I love the smells of wet leaves, moist earth, and pine trees.  I love the fresh, clean air.  I love the beautiful mountains, jutting up into the sky.  Honestly, it's a real shame to live in such a beautiful place and spend so little time (lately) getting out in God's creation.  And yet, it is rainy season again in the Flathead, so I wanted to make sure to have an alternate plan in case it did rain.  Pilates is a fun activity I have enjoyed for a few years now.  It's a great form of exercise for someone like me who has bad knees and is not a great athlete.  It is low impact and is able to be challenging no matter how much you practice it.  It requires a lot of concentration and deep breathing too which is wonderful for people who struggle with anxiety.  I still would prefer a walk out in nature but if need be, I have a back-up plan.

And I have to say, after a couple of walks, I have come home feeling alive and exhilarated!  It's amazing what a little fresh air and getting your blood flowing can do for a person.  It's also a great time to unplug from noise, electronic devices, and stress and just reflect, pray and enjoy creation.

So, those are my goals for the next month.  Who wants to join me?  Don't forget...Go to my page on Facebook to join up.  Your goal does not have to be fitness-related, by the way.  It can be any simple, achievable goal.  Happy Goal-making!

the farmer's market is my happy place

Check out the colors on this beautiful farmer's market produce!

One of the best parts about living in the Flathead Valley is the Kalispell Farmer's Market, which takes place every Saturday morning at the mall parking lot.  Whereas many farmer's markets have very few vendors and high prices, this market has a wonderful variety of goods and vendors, along with pretty affordable prices.

When I lived overseas as a child, I used to love to go to the outdoor markets carrying our woven re-usable shopping bags to watch Mom bargain for vegetables, fruit, fish, and meat.  The smells, the bright colors, the warm sun, the sounds of many voices haggling together...I have many happy memories.  When I step into any outdoor market, I feel welcomed back into that special time in my childhood. 

Find of the day: zucchini bigger than my head for 50 cents!

On a typical day at the Kalispell Farmer's Market, you will find vendors selling artwork, wooden toys, handmade soap, local honey, local pork, fresh vegetables, fresh plants, fresh cut flowers, local cherries, sewn crafts, locally made organic spice mixes, clothing...you name it.  I love wandering down the aisles of vendors, a Pain au Chocolat in hand (baked that morning by a vendor), holding my daughter's hand, enjoying the warm sunshine, shopping bag over my arm.  It's my happy place.  Too bad summer will be over soon.

P.S. I plan to throw most of the veggies in the first photo (except the tomatoes) into a Sweet and Sour Chicken Stir-fry for supper.  It's one of my favorite ways to prepare lots of fresh veggies, and believe me, there is no comparison between store-bought veggies and fresh-from-the-garden veggies.  None.

Taste of Kalispell

Folks enjoying Taste of Kalispell Saturday night.

One of the great things about living in the Flathead Valley is that particularly in the summer, there is so much going on that you get to choose what you would like to do each weekend.  As if I didn't have enough fun yesterday at Bigfork Festival of the Arts, Taste of Kalispell took place last night at the Museum at Central School.

I love food.  Good food, beautiful food, artful food.  I found it all at Taste of Kalispell.  Add to that: Cocinando, a Latin orchestra provided music for dancin' (which Christopher, Burrito and I did), there was an art display to enjoy in the museum, and door prizes.

But of course the star of the show was the food and wine.

Here are my top 5 favorite tastes of the 20 or so restaurants and caterers providing samples of their fine offerings:

5. Homemade meatball at Bonelli's Bistro--bursting with flavor from fresh herbs and a lovely marinara sauce.  Genuine comfort food.

4. North Bay Grille provided this perfectly summer-appropriate Thai Chicken Salad.  The earthiness of the sesame oil and peanut butter, the crunch of the cabbage, carrots and peppers, the tender strips of chicken, the spicy finish.  It was perfect, particularly with a robust glass of Mission Mountain Winery's Cabernet.

3. Look at Me Cupcakes provided my favorite dessert offering: Pink-glitter sprinkled Lavender Cupcakes with Lemon Butter Cream frosting ("We tried Lavender Cupcakes with Lavender frosting but they just came out tasting like soap!" the baker told me).  Well, I'd say they found the perfect combination now!  If only they were bigger!

2. The surprise of the night: Mackenzie River Pizza Company offered some of the freshest, more flavorful food out of all the food presenters.  I say this is a surprise because Mackenzie River is a local chain, and as a chain, it tends to play to the middle of tastes, sometimes overly salting its food and trying to be too generally appealing.  Their food is good but not great, in my experience.  With previous impression in my head, I was pleasantly surprised to try their zesty Summer Gazpacho, full of chunky, garlicky goodness.  It was the perfect taste on a hot summer evening.  I drank two glasses of it!  Not pictured was their other delicious offering: Thai Chicken Skewers.

1. My absolute favorite offering of the night (and Christopher's too, while I'm at it): A Parmesan and Herb Waffle drizzled with a Cheese Sauce from local coffeehouse/music venue The Boiler Room.  This eggy, crisp, chewy waffle was a revelation!  The fine folks at the Boiler Room told me they age their waffle dough overnight to develop its delicious tanginess.  Depth of flavor meets sweet tooth.  The Boiler Room serves waffles on the weekend.  From my investigation of their online menu, I didn't find this particular waffle variety but hopefully they have added it since posting their menu.  I salute them!

Bigfork Festival of the Arts

This summer, my favorite past-time has been attending the many arts festivals, farmer's markets, and other outdoor markets available in the Flathead Valley.  Each of them has been a pleasure, but the best outdoor market I have been to so far, has been the Bigfork Festival of the Arts.

The location on quaint Electric Avenue adds to the charm (many outdoor markets in the Flathead are on lawns or in parking lots).  The sheer number of vendors makes this arts festival especially wonderful too.  There is good variety of different kinds of art, from metalwork to pottery to handcrafts to woodwork to photography to jewelry, but I saw far more unique pieces of artistry at this festival than at any other this season.  I also saw more vendors from places outside of Montana than I had seen elsewhere.  Walking down Electric Avenue, my senses were overwhelmed with the textures and bright colors and gorgeous smells (from the handmade soaps and food vendors alike!).

There were an excellent selection of food vendors.  I saw stands and food trucks for roasted corn, roasted turkey legs, artisan tacos, sweet and savory crepes, beautiful handcrafted pizza (trucked in hot and fresh by local chef Engjell Vrapi on his motorbike), hand-dipped corn dogs (which Burrito devoured), Szechuan noodles and of course the always popular Island Noodles.  When you filled up with lunch, you could always venture down the street to Sweet Peaks, the homemade ice cream shop that is home to unique flavors like Lemon Sesame, Salted Caramel, Cupcake, Huckleberry, and Avocado Lime (along with old favorites too).  I contend that Sweet Peaks makes the best ice cream I have ever eaten and you're nuts if you don't stop by. 

Here are a few lovely shots from the Arts Festival.  It's ongoing today and tomorrow.   (Most of the photos are courtesy of my husband, Christopher Miller.)

Lunch for Christopher and I was found at the Taco truck. 

I partook of the shredded pork taco, with salsa, cilantro, cheese.  Christopher had the buffalo taco with (yes) buffalo meat, cotija cheese, pico de gallo).  Yum!

Textures.

This was an awesome find...purses/satchels made out of Costa Rican coffee bags.  They looked exactly like the bags we used to reuse for shopping in the outdoor market when I lived in Costa Rica as a child.

Beautiful metal work.

The local theater kids performing and collecting tips in a guitar case.  Love it!

Local artist Eric Thorsen does amazing sculpture and metal work.  I wasn't sure this bear wasn't real, as it rested outside his Electric Avenue art gallery.

Beautiful blown glass baubles.

The streetscape.  Love the crowds of people enjoying the sun and art and food.

getting used to the mountains

I have lived in Montana for about 6 months now and I already find I'm starting to get used to the mountains. 

I'm disappointed in myself.

When I first moved from the flatlands to the majesty of the mountains, I was constantly in awe of where I lived.  Snow-dusted rocky peaks formed the sides of a bowl made up of sparkling Flathead Lake.  Everywhere I went, I saw the beautiful, majestic mountains.  I went to the grocery store and I saw them.  I stopped by Target and I saw them.  Everywhere I looked was beauty.

But now I find myself rushing more often.  Driving, and thinking, "Oh, yeah, mountains...I've seen those before."  It's not always but it's enough to make me worry about my human tendency to take great things for granted.  I've started to think of getting used to mountains as a metaphor for all too many things in my life.

When I fell in love with my husband, I was in awe of his love, his honesty, his enduring affection, his willingness to communicate, his kindness, his boyish smile.  But after 6 years together, I start getting used to coming home to kindness, consideration and a listening heart.  I start to take him for granted sometimes.  I put less effort into being his wife.  It's the emotional equivalent of, "Eh, he'll be there...." 

It's so stinkin' dumb.  What is it about human nature that we get so used to incredible, beautiful blessings, that we fail to stand in awe of these things?  Is it just that we can't maintain that heightened emotion forever?  Perhaps, but I still think we can practice appreciation of the beautiful and good gifts in our lives.  I think it takes some time and effort that perhaps mountain or husband infatuation don't require in the early days.  In infatuation, God gives us that drive to connect, whether to a place or to a person, an early intensity that necessarily cannot last forever.  It is the thing that dares us to connect, to risk ourselves, where we might otherwise hesitate.  We can't always hold onto that infatuation, and after all, we probably shouldn't.  It can be a selfish thing, "You make me feel good, so I want to be around you."

No, I don't think infatuation can live forever, but appreciation and love can.  These qualities force us to stop and be fully there.  To give thanks, we must first see.  We must open our eyes.  We must stop the flurry of activity and pay attention.  What do I have before me?  Where is the beauty?  Will I soften my heart and open to it?  Today?  Not just, what did I appreciate yesterday, but what do I appreciate today?

In 2007, The Washington Post conducted a social experiment.  They positioned world class violinist Joshua Bell in a Washington DC subway station during rush hour to see if anyone would recognize him or pay attention to the beauty of his music.  The previous night he had played a concert where some tickets sold for $100.  But in the course of Bell's 45 minute subway concert, only seven people stopped to listen and only one recognized Joshua Bell.  It was interesting that children were often interested in who this guy was playing a violin, but their hurried parents pulled them along.  Bell earned only $32.17 in donations for his subway music.  It seems we humans are not so prone to appreciate beauty, especially when we have our minds on something else.  What other great beauty do we miss in day-to-day life?

There is definitely something about having a toddler that opens your heart to more beauty.  A toddler forces you to slow down, to notice, to pay attention.  I can't tell you how many times Burrito has pointed out Dora in an advertisement or sign in a store window.  She sees things.  She notices things that I would have passed by.  Even if they are small or hard to see.  She sees beauty too.  She is deeply excited by simple things.  Having a toddler is a gift.  She helps keep me from getting used to the mountains.  May I never get used to her.

"use up what's in my fridge" pizza

I used to have such a limited idea of what constituted a pizza.  Normal was a pepperoni 'za with traditional red sauce and mozzarella cheese.  Extra special was a stuffed crust pizza, with more cheese stuck in the (gasp!) crust edges.  Over the top was a combo pizza, with all the meat and veggie options.

I have seen the light.  I still remember the day I tried my first Neapolitan-style pie, from Punch Pizza in the Twin Cities.  A group of people from seminary was trying out new culinary experiences and a professor led us there to try out the pizza.  I had never before experienced pizza with San Marzano tomatoes and olive oil instead of sauce.  The quality of ingredients!  The wood fired pizza!  The strong and distinctive flavors!  Pizza as I knew it was never going to be the same again.

I still enjoy a good, old-fashioned pepperoni pizza, but the ingredients had better be good and fresh.  We've got great pizza locally here in the Flathead Valley, in particular at When in Rome (Bigfork, MT) where chef, Engjell Vrapi, knows what he's doing.  Actually, he knows what he's doing when it comes to every morsel I have ever eaten of anything at When in Rome.  But in particular, he knows what he's doing with pizza.  The pepperoni pizza here uses the best quality of pepperoni, with a zesty red sauce and wonderful cheese.  The crust is thin and rustic.  The Italian Garden pizza, "Best Pizza Ever" (an award-winning combo), and Pesto pizza are also favorites.

Now that I've found real pizza, with high quality ingredients, I do my best to come up with winning combinations for pizza at home too.  You might recall the recently posted BBQ Pulled Pork Pizza, which incorporates my all-time favorite homemade pizza crust, a whole wheat crust found in Step-By-Step to Natural Food; Cancer Prevention through the Wholistic way of Eating.

I've also found that pizza is one of my favorite ways to use up good morsels in my fridge.  With a little creativity, leftovers can be presented artfully.

Last night, I put together my latest "Use Up What's In My Fridge" Pizza.  Of course, you have to start by having some good stuff in your fridge to use up!  Here's a recipe for last night's pizza.  Use it as inspiration to create your own "Use Up" Pizza!

USE UP WHAT'S IN MY FRIDGE PIZZA
For the crust:
See recipe book above or use a favorite pre-made pizza crust such as Boboli

For the toppings:
3/4 c. sundried tomatoes in olive oil
1/4 c. olive oil
2 colorful bell peppers (I used red and yellow)
1 yellow onion, sliced
1/2 c. Kalamata olives (sliced in half)
3/4 c. goat cheese, crumbled

Heat oven to broiling.  Line a broiler pan with aluminum foil.  Cut the peppers in half and remove the seeds.  Flatten the peppers with your fist, on the broiler pan. Broil for 20 minutes, until blackened.  After peppers have broiled, sweat them in a Ziploc bag for 10-15 minutes.  Then peel their skin and slice into strips.

Blend or process the sun dried tomatoes with the 1/4 c. olive oil until smooth.  Meanwhile, heat a couple TBS of olive oil or butter until sizzling in a large skillet.  Cook the onion at a high heat for a few minutes, then reduce the heat and cook low and slow for 20-30 minutes until caramelized. 

Bake your pizza crust (if you are making it from scratch).  Once crust is baked, spread your sun-dried tomato puree over the crust.  Then layer peppers, onion, and olives.  Finally, crumble cheese all over your pizza.  Bake at 425 degrees for 5-7 minutes.  Yum!

fourth of july weekend in the flathead valley

What a joyful weekend we have had!  Now that the June rains have passed, and the sun is out regularly, we find ourselves out and about and enjoying life in the Flathead Valley more and more each day.

The Von Trapp Children

On Friday, I had tremendous thrill.  I recently found out that the Von Trapp children live in the Flathead Valley.  My Bible study group has an annual 4th of July picnic the weekend before the holiday and for our entertainment, the Von Trapp children came to sing.  Yes, those Von Trapp children, as in the great grandchildren of Captain Von Trapp from The Sound of Music.  Now, you have to understand that growing up, The Sound of Music was a huge part of my childhood.  Our family popped popcorn and watched it almost every Sunday night.  I have large portions of it memorized and I have loved it all of my life.  I never dreamed I would get a chance to meet some of the Von Trapps.  I brought Burrito with me to the picnic, so she could experience it too, and she cuddled close while we listened.  The Von Trapp children are the real deal.  They are not capitalizing on their name, but in fact sing angelically together, their voices blending flawlessly, their faces glowing with joy in song.  They are also humble and approachable.  I got to meet two of them and tell them how much The Sound of Music meant to me as a child. 

A good stretch after a good run.

We started our day on the 4th of July with Christopher taking to the road for his twenty-first 5k, this one for Grateful Nation Montana, an organization that provides scholarships for the children of fallen Montana soldiers, killed in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  He encouraged church members to be involved in running and volunteering.  It was a warm morning, with lots of sunshine and it was great to see people coming together for a good cause.  Christopher, as usual, made great time (28:33...his second fastest time by a second).  We raced home to get chairs and a mat and our friend, Audrey, and hurried back downtown to claim a spot for the parade.

With this much soy sauce at Island Noodles, how can you go wrong?

4th of July is a BIG deal in Bigfork.  I have never seen that many people in town before, and was even told by one local that they thought it was in fact the biggest crowd ever for the 4th. The parade stretched on and on, curiously lacking any high school bands (although a company of bagpipers was present). 

It was a festive atmosphere though, and the line for Island Noodles stretched long down the street.  I braved the line, which moved relatively quickly, figuring any place with giant cannisters of soy sauce was worth the wait (and I'd had my first taste of the noodles earlier that weekend at the Whitefish Art Festival).  As I watched the parade begin, I dug into those hot soba noodles, laden down with crunchy vegetables.  Oh yeah, baby.

The sea of people leave the parade.

After the parade, we braved the crowds to head home for a cookout.  Seriously, how did we cram this many people into town? 

We laid out a feast of grilled hamburgers, roasted corn with Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese and butter, potato salad, watermelon, red cabbage slaw, and Maple-Dijon baked beans. 

After supper, we packed up a dessert picnic of pecan shortbread with sugared berries and homemade whipped cream.  We drove down to the lake and sat on the shore watching private fireworks displays.

Burrito had never seen fireworks before and had never been allowed to stay up so late just for fun.  She had a ball, popping her hands in the air, "Fireworks say boom!"  The mountains cupped the bowl of the lake and I stared, in awe of their beauty.  The beach was not crowded, the water was calm, and the air was sweet.  It was a peaceful evening, full of joy and happiness.  And it wrapped up the weekend beautifully. 

free day at glacier national park!

This is a post where I gloat about the joy of living in close proximity to Glacier National Park.  See?

And this is a post where I brag about my great friends who are always DOING THINGS and inviting me to DO THINGS and including me even though I'm kind of a weakling and come in a two-pack with a toddler who tends to go at a molasses-like pace at times.

We have wonderful, outdoorsy people at our church.  Now, my usual experience of outdoorsy people is that they tend to make you feel bad about yourself (if you're bookish and sedentary like I am).  No, I've never hunted a deer or ridden a snow mobile or climbed a mountain.  When it comes to outdoorsy stuff, I'm limited by both my physical ability (I have a bum knee) and my lack of knowledge.  I have to be told things that are obvious to others.  In my experience, this has led to many folks just not taking me too seriously and going about their way.  It makes me feel excluded sometimes.  Left out.

But these Montana folks.  They really know how to welcome you into their world.  Or, at least my Montana folks do.  Whenever there's an outdoor experience, they put up with all my dumb questions .  They slow down if I need them to.  They explain things and don't assume I already know.  But they never make me feel like an idiot.  They make me feel invited in, included, and more knowledgeable after being with them than before.  I love my Montana people.

Today was "free day" at Glacier National Park.  It was an incredibly gorgeous day (after weeks of rain and grey skies).  We skipped rocks at Lake McDonald, walked down a trail to a waterfall.  We ate on a rocky beach by Lake McDonald Lodge.  All along the trail, I joked about being eaten by bears (an actual fear that had me worried all last night...I was convinced both I and my toddler would in fact be devoured by bears).  They put up with me. They laughed and smiled with me.  And because of that inclusion, Burrito and I were able to enjoy the wonders of God's creation, the breath-taking scenery.  The crash of the rapids and the waterfalls.  The warmth of the sun on our face.  The pleasure of good conversation on the trail.  Burrito was enamored with the picnic on the beach.  Eating sandwiches OUTSIDE?  AT A LAKE?  WITH FRIENDS?  Awesome! 

We love living in Montana, and it's not just because of the scenery.  It's because of the wonderful people we have met here and their welcoming hearts.

relapse

You may have noticed a decrease in frequency of posts on the blog in the past few weeks.  There is a reason for that.  I was unexpectedly blindsided by a relapse of depression and anxiety this past month.  And at first I was embarrassed to write about it.  I build this blog on the picture of a happy mother, writer and cook, living the dream in the gorgeous Flathead Valley.  I didn’t want to show you the struggles I was still having.  I didn’t even want to show them to myself.  But I couldn’t write a gushy post either because it just wasn’t true.  And I hate things that aren’t true.  I owe it to you to give you an honest blog, a true account of what it is to be a mother, to be me the Mother.

So, yes, March was a month of being blindsided.  I say blindsided, because after such a difficult year last year, the year in which my father died, the year in which I underwent strong conflict at the church I pastored, the year in which I struggled to give up my job for the sake of being with my daughter, the year in which I battled insomnia, the year in which I underwent a biopsy…after all of that, there is so much going well in my life.

For the first time in at least 4 years, I have friends nearby that I can call, spend time with, and be myself with.  I live in a beautiful area surrounded by the splendor of God’s creation—beautiful, snow-capped mountains, a glistening lake.  I am finally able to follow my heart and be home with my daughter.  I have a wonderful husband who is thriving in his new call, and is highly supportive of me.  I have many ways to express and broaden my love of cooking.  There is something enjoyable to do in the community all the time.  I have the pleasure of sitting in a Bible study and just listening and soaking it in as a respite for the soul.  For Pete’s sake, I have this blog…and I’m finally writing again for the first time in years.  There is so much going right in my life.

And yet, I found myself yet again stricken with high anxiety and a strong dose of depression.  It made me very upset with myself because there is no earthly reason I should feel that way.

I began to feel really hopeless.  Would I never escape this?  Could I really not let myself be happy?

I read recently in one of my books about anxiety that it often hits when things are going “too well.”  A person who struggles with anxiety almost does a little better sometimes when there is an external, challenging situation.  It sucks up their attention, gives them a visible enemy to fight.  But in good times, our nature still is on “high alert,” still expects struggle and conflict and picks a fight with itself.

Yet again, my internal conflict became so physical and scary that I finally took myself back to the doctor.  I found it impossible to sleep without my sleeping pill, felt hopeless, had racing thoughts.  I began to feel really bad like clock-work at 3:30 or 4 in the afternoon.  Then one day, I had an anxiety attack that lasted all day.  That was the day I trucked myself in to the doctor.

A week or two later, I am feeling better each day.  I was able to talk things out with a friend who was understanding and listened.  A dosage adjustment of my antidepressant has helped a great deal.  I’ve also been working hard to improve my diet.  (I think I got a bit overly excited at all the delicious desserts available in the Flathead and had been consuming way too much white sugar and white flour.)  After doing some reading on the internet about a diet to help with depression and anxiety, I am bumping up my whole grains, flax seed, and walnut consumption (low blood sugar seems to greatly increase my anxiety).  I’ve lowered my coffee consumption a bit.  I’m trying to eat other Omega-3 rich foods like fish and avocado.  I’ve dug out books on anxiety and the issues I struggle with and am working on facing my anxieties, instead of running from them.  Turns out the more we suppress and run from our anxieties, the more they dominate our lives.  Antidepressants work to help us better cope with anxieties, but they don’t eliminate them from our lives.  And if we run from those anxieties, we will still have to come back and cope with them later.

I feel good about the fact that yesterday although I had two or three attacks of anxiety, I was able to work through them.  I was able to lean into the anxiety and face the fear and find relief.

The sun is out for the second day in a row and that helps too.

I’ve come to see that I am a person in recovery from anxiety and depression.  I will probably never fully live without it.  But it doesn’t have to dominate my life and doesn’t mean I can’t experience joy.  I will have relapses.  I’m sure of that.  Sometimes they might make logical sense and sometimes they might not.  But if I can lean into the anxiety, the fear will pass and I will gain courage for the next challenge.  There is a full and wonderful life to be lived, even for a person like me that struggles with this disorder.

random things to love (?) about the flathead valley

On any given day, you may find a herd of wild turkeys, a group of deer, or maybe even a black bear in your yard.

The nightly news will (without a doubt) include at least one of the following stories:

--Big Rigs that plan to travel across Montana despite those who attempt to fight their passage

--Battles between the feds and state of Montana over how marauding wolves should be handled

--The legalization of marijuana

--Battles between the feds and the state of Montana over the legalization of marijuana

--Ok, battles between the feds and state of Montana on any topic whatsoever (I expect to see some who would suggest Montana secede from the Union at some point)

The sudden appearance of massive quantities of stockpiling foodstuffs (such as the appetizing-sounding dehydrated scrambled eggs) in the grocery store where there were no such products only a week ago (leaving me wondering if there is a massive disaster in the works that I did not receive the memo about).

The seemingly equal numbers of drive-through espresso stands and large Ten Commandments signs.

The abundance of graupel (how did I make it through this much of life without knowing about an entire kind of precipitation???).

The weather that is completely different five miles apart…and that may change around five times a day (rain to graupel to sun to snow to…you name it)

The mountain vista visible over a shimmering lake that doesn’t freeze in the winter.

The warmth and hospitality of everyday folks, their willingness to invite a newcomer places.

The Flathead Valley is an eccentric place, but a beautiful place.  While politics keeps my head spinning with wonder that any government system functions at all here considering all the turf battles, it’s worth it to live in such a beautiful place full of people with big open hearts.