be careful that you do not forget...

I got my fresh start in the Flathead Valley over a year ago now.  I moved here in late December of 2010, exhausted, depleted, disheartened, sad, and lonely.  Since then, so many wonderful things have happened.  I returned to my writing roots (which I had had almost no time to devote to during my time in ministry).  I started my blog.  I started doing some copywriting and copyediting.  I got to stay home with my daughter and enjoy making countless wonderful memories with her.  I made friends--wonderful, honest, authentic, welcoming, caring, Jesus-centered friends.  I had great opportunities to use my spiritual gift of teaching through MOPS and Bible studies at church.  I got to connect with members of my church who are just as excited about Jesus' mission on earth as I am and brainstorm ways to live that mission out.  I got to enjoy the beauty of this area--snow-covered mountains and tamaracks and sparkling lakes.  I felt myself coming alive again.  I started to heal from some hurts of the past.

But it's amazing how a person starts to get used to God's blessings.  I think that I do this with my husband as well.  I so easily forget how lonely I was as a single person, how I prayed on my knees with tears, asking God to send me a husband.  I so easily forget worrying that I would die alone.  I so easily forget wondering if I was destined to be single forever.  And now I have a tremendously wonderful husband, who consistently shows me God's love, who is compassionate and kind, who helps me in so many ways around the house, who listens to me without judgment, who understands me better than perhaps anyone...and I easily forget how that is not a normal thing.  That this is a given thing.  That this is a gift.  I so easily pass him by and think he gives me my due.  But in truth, he gives me much more than I deserve.  I pass him by so often like a woman who's gotten used to living by the Grand Canyon.

I get used to God's other blessings too.  God wants me to stop, pay attention, and remember what tremendous gifts He has given me in my life.  Rather than get annoyed with the ways my daughter gets in the way of my plans, God wants me to stop and contemplate the mystery that is an entire human being that one day was not and then one day was.  God wants me to be reverent and joyful and watch as He continues to fashion her, His masterpiece.  I am on the cusp of the flower unfolding.

I have my husband, my daughter, Montana, my friends.  There was a time when I did not have any of these things.  I am thankful.  I am thankful for what I have been given. 

"When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you--a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant--then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."--Deuteronomy 6:10-12 (NIV)

a love letter to my messy house

Dear Messy House,

I know I grouch and complain about you more often than I should...and I take you for granted more times than I could number.  I shout, "I CAN'T. TAKE. IT. ONE. MORE. MINUTE!!!"  I'm sorry...please forgive me.  I want to take this opportunity to tell you thank you for all you do.

Thank you for the dirty socks and discarded newspapers by the bed.

Thank you for the pile of books beneath my daughter's bookcase.

Thank you for the stickers that are, well, everywhere: stuck to my daughter's toy kitchen, washed and dried into my sweatshirts, piled on the kitchen table, strewn on the floor.

Thank you for the cluttery scattered art projects that seem to be collect dust and disintegrate everywhere.

Thank you for my husband's teetering pile of books and papers on the table by his Lazy-boy.

Thank you for the mountain of smelly laundry collecting in the hamper.

Thank you for the pine needles that are trampled in again the moment I vacuum the floor.

Thank you for the water-splashed bathroom counter.

Thank you for the Mr. Potato Head arm, the blankey, the duck umbrella, the box of markers, the toy grocery cart, the toy dishes, the single toddler slipper...that manage to find their way around the house.  Thank you for all the trips I make through the house picking up single items and restoring them to their places.

Thank you that my house is never fully clean, that it is always in a state of upheaval and clutter.

Thank you...because this means that tiny feet tramp here and there...that a squeaky musical voice is heard through this house...that a strong and loving husband absent-mindedly drops papers here and there...Thank you for your daily cluttery signs that this house, this life of mine is peopled, is inhabited, is filled with light and love.  Forgive me for my exasperation and frustration.  Yes, we need order and cleanliness, but neither will be perfect, not as long as the strong steps and the flitting tip-toes of the ones I love most are found here.  And so I will take your clutter...I will receive your dust bunnies...I will give thanks for your scattered toys.  For I once was alone and I prayed on my knees, with tears, for these people to come.  I must not forget to give thanks that they are here at last.

Thank you, messy house.

Love,
A Grateful Wife and Mother

"God sets the lonely in families..."--Psalm 68:6

This post is linked up with the Practices of Parenting Blog Carnival over at Emerging Mummy.

multitudes on monday (101-105)

Today I give thanks to God for:

101. The joy of books.  In seminary, too much ponderous and pointless reading nearly stole my love of books from me.  But in recent years, it has revived.  I give thanks too for the blessing of public libraries!  And ebooks!

102. For a daughter who got two candy canes (which she adores) in her stocking and whose first response was to turn to me and say, "One for you...".  And for the joy of receiving the first gift she picked out herself for me.

103. The joy of seeing our church full on Christmas and the blessing of being so proud of my husband's delivery of the Gospel.

104. The blessing of a quiet day at home on Christmas with the ones I love most.

105. The goodness of a God who is present for those friends who lost a loved one this Christmas...the Baby born in Bethlehem does not mean sparkly parties so much as He means life and salvation...and hope, even beyond the grave.

What are you thankful for today?

multitudes on monday (96-100)--and not succumbing to the "Pinterest mindset"

I have been rather neglectful of my Multitudes posts lately.  I think part of the reason for this is that it is difficult not to succumb to the "Pinterest mindset" that uses posts of gratitude as a way of self-promotion.  It should be about God, not about me.  It should be about His blessings in my life, not my attempt at a picture-perfect self-image.  I need to read One Thousand Gifts about a million more times and try to get this through my thick skull! 

I do think that sometimes it is easier to be thankful in a God-focused way when things are tough, rather than when things are good.  When things are tough, we are forced to lean hard on God and we notice the way He daily sustains us, because we know that without Him we would not make it through the day.  But in good times, we are likely to think it's all about us.  We are likely to think that any good we have in our lives is simply because we produced a perfect, well-ordered, beautiful life.  But all beauty is from God.  And all beauty points us to Him.  But how slow we are to realize this.  Or at least I am!

With that said, here are my attempts to give thanks to God, publicly before you all.  What are you grateful for this week?

96. A breakthrough in understanding the doctrine of election (the teaching that God chooses and draws to Himself those who come to faith in Him).  My vision of who God is is transformed.  I give thanks to God for the blessing of studying Romans 9-11 in detail, even though I will never fully fathom its depths. (I plan to write more on what the breakthrough was in the future.)

97. The blessing of my congregation's "Beyond our Walls" committee.  What a joy to hang out with other Christians who are excited about reaching out to our community!

98. That my daughter has been really getting the Christmas story learned this Advent season!  Working with the ebook Truth in the Tinsel has really helped with introducing her to the Christmas story.  Now, instead of just playing Cinderella and Belle, she is playing Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus!

99. For the blessings of our congregation in general.  We moved into town almost exactly a year ago now.  It was the evening of last year's Christmas cantata.  So when I sat at the cantata this year, I found myself getting tears in my eyes thinking about how I didn't know any of the people who were singing yet last year and now so many of them are dear to my heart.  So much has happened in one year!

100. For a year of SO MUCH HEALING!  There's more to do, but God has brought me and our family so far!  And for this I say, thanks be to God!

no "thanksgiving" without someone to thank

You cannot have a secular Thanksgiving holiday.

I repeat, it is impossible to have a secular Thanksgiving holiday.

Now, I know that initially this sounds like nonsense.  Obviously, lots of people who don't believe in God or actively practice any form of faith regularly gather for turkey and the fixings.  They may even take a moment in their meal to hold hands and mention the things they are thankful for this year.

But what I want to argue is that the very act of "giving thanks" or "being thankful" suggests Someone to whom we are grateful.  The very act of thanksgiving is like a prayer.

When we have good things in our lives, something within us wells up with joy and the longing to be grateful to Someone.  This is a longing for God that has been given to us.

Of course, the secular emphasis of many holidays has been pushed lately.  People want to participate in the fun of the holidays without the claim that believing in God would make on them.  If God has been good to me and I am thankful to Him, perhaps I should interact in relationship with Him.  Perhaps I should stop ignoring Him.  Perhaps I should crack open that Bible.  Perhaps I should start living my life in the way that it teaches.

So, we try to have our cake and eat it too.  We try to enjoy the "fun" aspects of holidays without anything in our lives changing.  We want to open presents on Christmas, set up a Christmas tree, and maybe even go to church on Christmas Eve.  But we just want to feel inspirational "warm fuzzies."  We don't want the preacher to challenge us.  We don't want to think about the idea that a baby had to be born to save us from our sins.

This mindset is bleeding into Thanksgiving as well.  For awhile, I have heard Thanksgiving called "Turkey Day."  But this morning I saw a commercial, put out by Party City, that refers to Thanksgiving as "Football Feast."  The idea for this blog post had already been percolating in my brain, and I said to myself, "Really? We're not giving thanks to anyone?  We're just gorging ourselves and watching football!"



I have hope though.  I still thank the vast majority of people feel thankful on Thanksgiving.  I think the vast majority of people stop in the midst of the busyness of life and quietly whisper thanks.  Even if they don't go to church.  Even if faith doesn't play too big of a role in their lives.  There is still that quiet thankful yearning, to tell Someone they appreciate all they have been given.

And that quiet yearning is a God-given opportunity.  Next time a friend says to you, "I just feel so thankful for all my blessings," maybe you could stop and remind them that God is the One who has given all things to them, and that He loves them dearly.

 I’m sharing my awesome with Momma Made It Look Easy and you can too.

multitudes on monday (81-85)

Today I am thankful for:

81.  Big snowflakes fluttering down and catching on the branches of the pine trees...and the first snowman of the season.

82. Morning glory muffins slathered in butter and living in a place where even cafes have good coffee.

83. More copy-editing work.

84. That my sick Burrito slept well last night.

85. For the beautiful cooperation of all of our church members at our annual church dinner. 

multitudes on monday (56-60)

Today I am grateful for:

56. Time to write.  Not having to work outside the home, I find myself with far more time and energy for writing.  And it's wonderful and fulfilling.  I am so grateful.

57. A fantastic birthday party for my daughter who turned 3!  We had the most wonderful evening with a backyard barbecue, happy children running around and an absolutely delighted daughter.

58. Our friends, who make our lives so much richer.  In North Dakota, we had almost no friends our own age for most of the time that we lived there.  What friends we did have were busy pastors (just like us).  My soul was thirsting for friendships, real ones where I could be open and honest, warts and all.  God has given these friends to me.  In the flesh.

59. The opportunity I have to sit down and just soak in God's Word at a local Bible study.  It's so wonderful to not have to be the leader sometimes.

60. The end of a wonderful stewardship campaign that I assisted with at church.  The best part of it was the wonderful relationships I developed with two savvy, smart, faithful older women, who I worked with on the campaign.  They encouraged me so much and it has been so long since I was praised for something I did in ministry.  It was water to a thirsty soul.  It was so wonderful too to see how our gifts balanced each other out; each of us could do something the others couldn't.  What a blessing!

What are you thankful for today?

things i love about the three's

After my "mommy frustrations" post the other day, I thought it would be worthwhile to remind myself all of the blessings of having a toddler.  I quickly forget the trauma of past stages and focus in on the negative.  But since I am trying to have more of an attitude of thanksgiving in my life, perhaps I should apply the thankfulness principle to my toddler.

So, what do I love about having a toddler?  Here are some thoughts:
--I laugh far more than I ever used to.  I have a daughter who thinks everything is "silly" and "funny."
--I can now have conversations with my daughter.  She has a great ability to understand conversation and a great verbal ability.
--I have been having more chances to teach her to cook.  She loves to stand on a chair and dump ingredients in and stir.  She even remembers the "why" of instructions many times.
--Her extroversion gets me out of my shell with other people.
--I get to see my daughter have the friends that I never had as a child.  I delight in seeing her ability to make friends easily.  I delight in her extroverted personality and the way she runs up to a friend and just naturally gives them a big hug.
--She remembers to pray for people that I might forget to pray for, like people who have stopped by the church in need.  She prays for the "people in trouble" and once when my husband shared with someone who he was helping a second time that my daughter had specifically been praying for him each night, the man about teared up.  She is already doing ministry!
--She has a very active imagination and loves to sing and dance and act.  I love her creative side.
--She will sometimes burst out with an unexpected kiss or an "I love you very, very much."  And she melts my heart when she does this.
--She often compliments my cooking!  "Mmmm!  This tastes really good!"  (As long as its not "spicy"!)
--She sometimes says something and then adds, "I was just joking!"
--She is able to help in small ways around the house--unloading the dishwasher, getting parts of her lunch out of the fridge, bits of vacuuming.  And she is usually willing to help out.
--She has a great sense of fun and brings out the playful side in my usually too-serious self.

So, yes, some of the toddler behaviors drive me nuts.  But there is much to rejoice in too.  And on my frustrated days, I need to remember that and to model my belief that bad behavior times are an opportunity to show unconditional love.

What do you love about the toddler years?

multitudes on monday (51-55)

I'm juggling a lot of projects lately and missed posting Multitudes last week. 

Isn't it the truth that when we most need to reflect on our blessings and give thanks to God that it falls by the wayside?  This is a growing edge for me.

Here's this week's list of things I am thankful for:

51. An afternoon off on Saturday on which I took myself to see The Help and remembered why I loved the book so much.
52. Having 3 of 6 parenting Bible study lessons written for church...and having God challenging me in the areas I'm writing about.
53. New people in church yesterday and a husband who courageously speaks the truth in his sermons.
54. A break from potty training, which was exhausting me.
55. The ability to chew again!  TMJ seems to be gone, at least for now.

What are you thankful for today?

multitudes on monday (46-50)

It's been a crazy week...Lots of exhaustion...plenty of busyness...dealing with potty training again...and a pretty darn awful case of what appeared to be TMJ.  Those are the kinds of weeks when it goes everything in me to be thankful.  Instead, I want to complain...or better yet, climb into a hole somewhere.  But God calls me to "give thanks in all circumstances," and if I try hard enough, I can see His light peeking through the darkness.  Here's what I'm thankful for today:

46. The ability to chew.  This is definitely something I take for granted.  But this week when even trying to chew a raisin or soft pasta was agonizing, I started to feel more grateful for the ability to chew.  What a blessing it is to be able to enjoy food as I usually do.

47. Friends who gave me lots of helpful, funny, encouraging advice in the midst of this painful episode.  And the result being that my jaw is feeling better every day. Thanks be to God!

48. The way exhaustion, pain, or struggles with toddler wills lead me to God.  Without such struggles, would I seek God earnestly?  I don't know (but doubt it), so I am grateful for the struggles.

49. A husband who "takes over" when I am so exhausted that all I can handle is throwing myself into bed.

50.  The blessing of a food processor...and the wonders of pineapple and its benefits for relieving inflammation.  Try it sometime!

What are you thankful for today?

multitudes on monday (36-40)

It's not that there were no blessings last week.  No, I dropped the ball last Monday and forgot to post them.  So, without further adieu, here are this week's:

36. Lots of belly laughs with dear friends who were visiting us this week.

37. Seeing all ages provide elbow grease and cash for our Car Wash for the Famine Crisis in Somalia this weekend.  We raised over $1000, thanks be to God!

38.  The joy of serving in Jesus' name with other Christians.  The joy of living out our mission in Christ!

39. A daughter who woke up cooperative this morning!  And obeyed!  Without nagging!

40. The forgiveness of a loving God...a God who forgives me daily, though I do not deserve it.  Thanks be to God for the death of Christ for me.  And for the hope of resurrection!

What are you thankful for today?

what i tell myself on the difficult days

Let's be honest.  Being a mother is not a piece of cake.  There are days (like this week) when Burrito spits up all over the car seat. Gross.  (I remember spitting up all over the car too when I was a kid.  Mom, how did you ever get that smell out?)  There are days when Burrito nags me constantly...she wants a snack...she wants me to play with her...she wants to watch a show...she dramatically throws herself on the floor if she doesn't get her way.  She won't let me accomplish simple tasks.  I get exasperated.  I miss the days when I could curl up with a book anytime during the day and no one would bug me.  I miss owning my own time.

There are days when she has sleep disturbances or refuses to go to sleep.  There are days when I am exhausted and have trouble finding the energy for her.

But on those days, I try very hard to remind myself of one simple fact.  I try to remind myself that one days I will long for these days.  And one kiss of those pudgy cheeks, one sweet, "You're my precious Mommy," one cuddle over a story time and it all comes back to me.  These days are so fleeting.  They will be over and done before I can catch my breath.  All older parents say this.  They say they just wish they had slowed down and enjoyed the little kid days.  They say they can't believe how fast it went.  They warn me.  "You will long for these days one day."  I say to it myself over and over again.

Yes, I try to listen.  And I listen not only because life goes fast but because it is fragile.  With grief, I hear of the heartbreaking journeys of mothers and fathers in Somalia, journeys to get their many children to food and water.  I read of how some parents have had to leave dying children by the side of the road in order to save others.  I shudder.  I can't imagine such a world.  A world in which parents have to make such choices.  My heart goes out to them as they are haunted by their decisions.

In recent days, as I think of the fragility of life, as I mourn for the lost children of Somalia, as I pray for the children and their parents, as I organize a fundraiser to help them, Burrito has become even more precious to me.  I hold her close.  I sit and play with her.  I read her stories.  And I drink in the precious life that is given to me in her.  I don't know why God allows the mothers of Somalia to suffer so with their children and why mine is healthy and strong.  I want their children to be healthy too.  I want their children to thrive too.  I don't know why, but I give thanks and I seek to cherish my child, to remember what a gift she is.

Life is fast and life is fragile.  May we treasure our children, our families, our time.

getting used to the mountains

I have lived in Montana for about 6 months now and I already find I'm starting to get used to the mountains. 

I'm disappointed in myself.

When I first moved from the flatlands to the majesty of the mountains, I was constantly in awe of where I lived.  Snow-dusted rocky peaks formed the sides of a bowl made up of sparkling Flathead Lake.  Everywhere I went, I saw the beautiful, majestic mountains.  I went to the grocery store and I saw them.  I stopped by Target and I saw them.  Everywhere I looked was beauty.

But now I find myself rushing more often.  Driving, and thinking, "Oh, yeah, mountains...I've seen those before."  It's not always but it's enough to make me worry about my human tendency to take great things for granted.  I've started to think of getting used to mountains as a metaphor for all too many things in my life.

When I fell in love with my husband, I was in awe of his love, his honesty, his enduring affection, his willingness to communicate, his kindness, his boyish smile.  But after 6 years together, I start getting used to coming home to kindness, consideration and a listening heart.  I start to take him for granted sometimes.  I put less effort into being his wife.  It's the emotional equivalent of, "Eh, he'll be there...." 

It's so stinkin' dumb.  What is it about human nature that we get so used to incredible, beautiful blessings, that we fail to stand in awe of these things?  Is it just that we can't maintain that heightened emotion forever?  Perhaps, but I still think we can practice appreciation of the beautiful and good gifts in our lives.  I think it takes some time and effort that perhaps mountain or husband infatuation don't require in the early days.  In infatuation, God gives us that drive to connect, whether to a place or to a person, an early intensity that necessarily cannot last forever.  It is the thing that dares us to connect, to risk ourselves, where we might otherwise hesitate.  We can't always hold onto that infatuation, and after all, we probably shouldn't.  It can be a selfish thing, "You make me feel good, so I want to be around you."

No, I don't think infatuation can live forever, but appreciation and love can.  These qualities force us to stop and be fully there.  To give thanks, we must first see.  We must open our eyes.  We must stop the flurry of activity and pay attention.  What do I have before me?  Where is the beauty?  Will I soften my heart and open to it?  Today?  Not just, what did I appreciate yesterday, but what do I appreciate today?

In 2007, The Washington Post conducted a social experiment.  They positioned world class violinist Joshua Bell in a Washington DC subway station during rush hour to see if anyone would recognize him or pay attention to the beauty of his music.  The previous night he had played a concert where some tickets sold for $100.  But in the course of Bell's 45 minute subway concert, only seven people stopped to listen and only one recognized Joshua Bell.  It was interesting that children were often interested in who this guy was playing a violin, but their hurried parents pulled them along.  Bell earned only $32.17 in donations for his subway music.  It seems we humans are not so prone to appreciate beauty, especially when we have our minds on something else.  What other great beauty do we miss in day-to-day life?

There is definitely something about having a toddler that opens your heart to more beauty.  A toddler forces you to slow down, to notice, to pay attention.  I can't tell you how many times Burrito has pointed out Dora in an advertisement or sign in a store window.  She sees things.  She notices things that I would have passed by.  Even if they are small or hard to see.  She sees beauty too.  She is deeply excited by simple things.  Having a toddler is a gift.  She helps keep me from getting used to the mountains.  May I never get used to her.

multitudes on monday

As I have begun to think of my life more in the terms of thanksgiving, I am finding that it surely doesn't come easily.  Fear, anxiety, anger, and that crafty fellow covetousness come to me far more easily.  One time this week when I felt my heart compressing, I turned to Christopher and began to number off what I was thankful for.  It helped and my heart began to lighten.

I have heard it said that original sin is the most empirically verifiable theological concept of all theological concepts.  I agree.  I am convinced not just by what I see in the world, but by what I see in my own heart.

So, if these vices are the things that seek to grip my heart...and if the answer is thanksgiving...then now is the perfect time to turn to Multitudes on Mondays to number off what I am thankful for:

6. For a sweet boy who gave Burrito his little flag at the 4th of July parade.

7. For a whole week of sunshine.

8. For being able to live in an area where something is always happening.

9. For delicious food...like fresh potato salad.

10.  For my friend who is visiting and seems to me to embody a thankful lifestyle.

What are YOU thankful for today?

multitudes on mondays

Today I am giving thanks for:

1. Friends who remind me that materialism will only lead to bondage--not joy...and that true freedom is found in being unfettered with possessions.

2. The dimply smiles of my daughter.

3. The forecast of sunny skies for the week.

4. Having a husband who continues to grow and to challenge me to grow in faith.

5. The freedom of time to serve others, read, write, and do the things I enjoy.  The freedom to spend more time with Burrito.

What are you thankful for today?  Join up, and give thanks in all things!