multitudes on monday (71-75)

71. My daughter's exuberant joy as she sang with the Sunday School kids at church on Sunday.  She was jumping up and down and singing and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry from all the joy she brings me.

72. The continued wonderful class at church on evangelism.  It is through the Institute of Lutheran Theology and has opened my eyes to how evangelism can be done in a Lutheran way.  Lots of wonderful, Bible-based teaching.

73. The great Sunday School program at our church.  The kids may be small in numbers but the teachers and volunteers are so dedicated and I see such a difference in the life of my daughter and the other kids at church.  Positive peer pressure for Jesus!

74. That after a tough night with a sick and freaked out daughter, she woke up perky and happy.

75. That my husband is bold and courageous as a leader, willing to follow the Lord faithfully.

That's my list.  What's yours?

the upside of depression

If you struggle with depression, particularly chronic, lifelong depression, as I have (although at times my depression and even more prominent anxiety abate for a while, they always come back), it is probably pretty hard to see any upside to their place in your life.  I know it has been hard for me.  Sometimes the weight of these emotions on my shoulders has been significant and even crippling at times.  A while ago, I saw Nassir Ghaemi interviewed on The Colbert Report, concerning his recent book, A First-Rate Madness: Uncovering the Links Between Leadership and Mental Illness. 

I found Ghaemi's thesis so encouraging: that during crisis times in history a person with a non-psychotic mental illness such as depression or anxiety is of more use than a person who scores high on the optimism scales and would generally be described as mentally healthy.  This is because a person who battles depression or anxiety has certain qualities such as resilience and realism that well-equip them to deal with trying times, qualities which the average healthy person does not possess in the necessary quantities.  Well, I have had A First-Rate Madness on my library waiting list for a while, so in the meantime, I got a book that follows the same theory, but zeroes in on just one great person from history, Abraham Lincoln.  The book is Lincoln's Melancholy: How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness by Joshua Wolf Shenk.

For any person who struggles with any mood disorder and wonders what the point of it all is, this is highly recommended reading.  Abraham Lincoln's journey with depression is carefully portrayed, with all the fine elements of story.  This is no dry history book, but a living, pulsing account of the private agony that Lincoln suffered throughout the course of his life.  It emerged publicly in young adulthood and at that time, Lincoln's friends sought to protect him from suicidal urges.  Later, Lincoln's depression became quieter and more indrawn, particularly after his marriage to Mary Todd.  He was able to use the energy of his depression to fuel a larger purpose, for which he became relentless and more determined over time, the cause of ending slavery.

Shenk shows how Lincoln was able to deal with the complex times into which he was thrust through the perseverance that he developed dealing with depression throughout his life.  He shows how Lincoln developed patience that enabled him to plod through, steady as the tortoise to the hare.  He shows how despondent he was over his failures but so willing to continue in what he believed.  He shows how Lincoln overcame his suicidal tendencies to live for something greater than himself, how brave this was, and how Lincoln can be a profound role model for the depressive.  As I was reading the book, I said to myself, "there is no way Shenk could write about the agony of depression the way he does unless he himself had suffered from it."  And sure enough, a perusal of his website reveals that part of the attraction to Lincoln's story for him was that Shenk was battling depression.  It appears that Lincoln's character became profoundly transformative for him, just as I believe it will be for any depressive who reads this book.

Lincoln's story gave me great courage in thinking of what the life of a depressive can look like through the years of life. So often, it is easy to look at "just now" and feel that all is lost.  But if I can train myself to take the long view, as Lincoln did, I can let the storms of depression carve my character out of the rock of life.  I can nurture in myself creativity, resilience, and realism that will make me available to the challenges of leadership that come my way.  Rather than viewing my depression and anxiety as shameful, I can look at them as opportunities to deal with life as it really is, rather than with avoidance of challenges.  Depression can be an awful burden but it can also be a great gift.  I have written before about leaning into the pain (rather than avoiding it) and how that has been a helpful metaphor for me in dealing with depression.  Shenk's book on Lincoln provides even more hope to embrace the gift of depression and the benefits it brings with it which would not otherwise be possible.

I'm linking this post up to Momma Made it Look Easy and you should too!

Fall Resolutions Challenge: Join up!

If you follow my blog on Facebook, you know that I've begun a Fall Resolutions Challenge through the middle of November.  The challenge is basically to make a weekly goal for the next month and see it through.  You can find accountability to accomplish your goal through the Flathead Mama blogging community.  There's still time to join up, if you're interested.  Just go to my page on Facebook, click "like" and post your challenge for the month.  Make sure the challenge is something simple and achievable for you.

Where did this idea come from?  Well, check out this post for the back story.  I guess I just finally got tired of being out of shape to an extent even shocking for a sedentary person like myself.  I know that I'll never be a great athlete, but surely I can take some simple steps to be a bit healthier.  I also know that since I suffer from anxiety and depression, exercise can be a powerful boost to mood.  I read an article in Oprah's magazine a few years ago that cited research showing that exercise can be as effective as an antidepressant. 

Anyway, I have made the goal for myself to get in three workouts a week, either walking for a half hour or doing a Pilates routine (if it's raining).  This seems like an achievable goal for me and I sat down with my husband to discuss how we could make it happen realistically in our schedule.  It's just about getting some movement and feeling and looking healthier. 

For me, I feel that exercise that is natural has a better chance of succeeding.  Hence, walking!  The Flathead Valley is beautiful this time of the year as the leaves begin to change.  I love the smells of wet leaves, moist earth, and pine trees.  I love the fresh, clean air.  I love the beautiful mountains, jutting up into the sky.  Honestly, it's a real shame to live in such a beautiful place and spend so little time (lately) getting out in God's creation.  And yet, it is rainy season again in the Flathead, so I wanted to make sure to have an alternate plan in case it did rain.  Pilates is a fun activity I have enjoyed for a few years now.  It's a great form of exercise for someone like me who has bad knees and is not a great athlete.  It is low impact and is able to be challenging no matter how much you practice it.  It requires a lot of concentration and deep breathing too which is wonderful for people who struggle with anxiety.  I still would prefer a walk out in nature but if need be, I have a back-up plan.

And I have to say, after a couple of walks, I have come home feeling alive and exhilarated!  It's amazing what a little fresh air and getting your blood flowing can do for a person.  It's also a great time to unplug from noise, electronic devices, and stress and just reflect, pray and enjoy creation.

So, those are my goals for the next month.  Who wants to join me?  Don't forget...Go to my page on Facebook to join up.  Your goal does not have to be fitness-related, by the way.  It can be any simple, achievable goal.  Happy Goal-making!

if only magic would work!

Today, I went to buy some new clothes.  And as I tried them on in the fitting room, I came to see through the multi-mirror view that I now have shall we say "cute baby chubs" despite my not being the aforementioned cute baby.  Since I have always been a very slim girl with a high metabolism who could eat almost anything I wanted (yes, I know...hate me!), it came as a bit of a shock.  I have been eating a lot of butter lately and not exercising much, so I guess it shouldn't be much of a surprise, but I've not had much trouble in the past with the same scenario.  I guess you can blame the famous slowed-down metabolism of aging!  I came out and asked my husband why he didn't tell me that I had these not so adorable rolls.  He claimed not to have noticed (bless the man!).  I was discussing this with him while Burrito was eating dinner tonight and upon finding out that I was upset that I had these "chubs" going on, she promptly got out her pretend wand a la Fairy Godmother, shook it over me, and said, "Bibbidi Bobbodi Boo!"  If only....If only...:-)

self-care for moms

I think that one of the toughest challenges for us as Moms is make sure that we give ourselves good care.  We tend to put ourselves last on the list and then after we neglect ourselves over and over again, we eventually get to the point where we get so resentful of not having our needs met that we explode!  Well, at least that's how it works for me sometimes. 

There are some ways in which I'm great at self-care and some ways in which I seriously stink.  Have you ever heard the HALT acronym?  It tells us to never let ourselves get too "Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired."  Trouble will result when we allow that to happen.  I routinely let myself get in these states, however.  One of my biggest offenses is letting myself get too hungry.  This was particularly true when Burrito was a baby.  It seemed that I never got enough to eat or drink and I would get ravenously hungry and then I would start getting angry.  Sigh.  I'm trying to learn to remember to eat enough.  Unfortunately, now that I'm remembering and Burrito isn't nursing anymore, I find I am gaining a little bit of weight.  Not an insane amount, but still.  Now, I must remember not just to eat, but to eat more vegetables and fruit!

Here are the top 5 self-care practices that I find important to making sure my "cup" is filled.  Unless I am filled up, I find I don't have a lot to give out.

After you read my list, please share your list!  What are your top 5 self-care practices?

1. Reading the Bible.  My husband and I generally read the Bible at night together before going to bed.  We tend to read through whole books.  Right now, we are in the Gospel of Luke.  We read a small portion, discuss it and say our prayers.  I'm searching for a better way to do a personal time of Bible reading, however.  After all, we are pretty tired when we read the Word at night.  Still, I'm glad that we do.  I find it even more helpful to attend a regular Bible study in town.  I gather with some other moms who are in the same stage of life and there is free child care.  I get a lot out of this undistracted time of studying God's Word.

2. Sleep.  I think I've written before about my battles with insomnia.  Until I went through this trial a couple of years ago, I don't think I realized how precious sleep is.  I know I definitely appreciated it much more now.  I usually get around 8 hours of sleep at night.  And it feels good!

3. Community.  I find that I get a little weird when I'm not in community.  I need people around me, friends to talk with, to joke with, to share my heart with.  If I don't have people with whom I regularly share my life, people in the flesh, then I start getting really in-drawn and depressed.  But I feel most whole when I have people to talk to.

4. Eating.  Like, whole grains, protein, veggies and fruit.  It's so easy to forget to eat this stuff but it's amazing how some apples dipped in peanut butter or a piece of cheese will pick me up.  If I'm getting grouchy, I need to remind myself to eat something healthy. 

5. Doing things I love.  That means, reading for fun!  I have a huge list of books I hope to check out from the library all the time.  I love to read...especially dramatic plots and books that open my world up to understand things differently.  I love how reading makes me a better writer.  And so writing is also a very important part of self-care for me.  Writing is like my third arm.  It's been a part of me since I was a little girl and I am not whole without it.  And in the category of things I love is also the enjoyment of good movies and TV shows.  There's something very relaxing for me as an introvert in curling up on the couch and enjoying a favorite show.  It's great to have that down time when nothing is required of me. 

So, those are my 5.  What are yours?

multitudes on monday (66-70)

This week I am thankful for:
66. A great class on Lutheran evangelism that we are streaming to our church through the Institute for Lutheran Theology (ILT).  This is great timing for me to have such a wonderful, Biblically-based class as I've been struggling with some related questions.

67. The blessing of a great Sunday School program for my daughter that encourages her to grow in her faith.

68.  A great talk with a friend who lives far away and who understands me so very well.  And loves Jesus!

69.  That my husband is back from his 5-day trip to a church conference!  I always appreciate him more when he returns from a trip!

70. That the week when Daddy was gone, we were safe and everything went fine.  And we had great fellowship with friends so that we were not lonely!

What are you thankful for today?

what evangelicals mean when they call mormonism a "cult"

I think that as the election season begins to heat up, I will probably begin to incorporate more posts about politics into my blog.  I promise to try my best not to be reactive, but instead to be reflective and think carefully about what I write.  Please feel free to share alternate opinions (or agreeing ones!), but with respect and kindness to me and to other commenters!  Thanks!

The political world is all atwitter about the evangelical pastor who introduced Rick Perry at an event and called Mormonism a cult.  Perry later said he did not agree with the sentiment and that he didn't choose who introduced him.

To me, this was a non-event.  Except that I was initially a little surprised to find that Rick Perry, as an evangelical Christian, did not view Mormonism as a cult. I have always believed Mormonism to be a cult.  This does not mean that I disliked Mormons as people or felt that they were unworthy of participation in society.  In fact, there were some things that I thought they did better than some Christians: family values, the willingness to commit to being a missionary, the courage to be different in society.  I'd be very happy to have Mormon friends.  I have no problem with them in leadership and judge them the same as I do other leaders (are they good people of character? etc.).  I just don't think they are saved.  I don't think they trust Jesus as their Savior.

But for the first time today, I stopped to analyze the word "cult" and to wonder what the non-Christian world hears when they hear the word, "cult." I  began to wonder if what they hear is "weird, chanting, Kool-aid drinkers."  Which is not what I mean when I use the word, "cult."  What I mean is that Mormonism, although it calls itself "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints," is a religious group that falls outside the beliefs of orthodox Christianity.  The main issue with Mormonism is that it denies core teachings of the Christian faith.

But given this definition, I am beginning to think that it may be more helpful language for us to use as evangelical Christians to call Mormonism "another religion." This still respects the fundamental difference between its beliefs and orthodox Christianity while not using language that suggests child sacrifice and mass killings (to some hearers).  It gives a better opportunity for witnessing too because we're just being honest about the significant (and salvation-impacting) differences instead of calling names.

I have had an issue for a long time with the religious significance many Christians give to the self-named religious revelations of another Mormon, Glenn Beck.  I'm not gonna wrangle too hard with you as a Christian if you agree with him politically.  But if you are a Christian and you ascribe spiritual significance to what he teaches, I am very concerned, because he is not a Christian.  He is the proponent of another religion.  He has every right to participate in society, and even to practice his religious beliefs and speak about them.  He has every right to use his free speech.  But as a Christian, I should be getting my spiritual guidance from my church, from other Christians, and from the Bible.

But I don't have a problem with Mitt Romney being a Mormon, in terms of whether he should be President.  He's not trying to guide me spiritually.  He's trying to assume an elected office.  Martin Luther once said something along the lines that he would rather have a wise Turk than a stupid Christian ruling in the land.  I agree.  I think that we don't have to have a Christian be the President.  I think it's great if there's a smart Christian who will lead well and have good ideas and morals, but if the best candidate is not a Christian, it's ok.  There is a difference between the realm of the church and the realm of the government.  And sometimes it's healthy for the church not to have all the power.  Look at how strong the church was in ancient Rome when it was persecuted by rulers who were far from God.  And look how ugly the church got when Constantine converted to Christianity and made the whole empire Christian.  Sometimes Christianity functions best as a minority.  Why?  Because we do not rely on our own strength but on God and we lean hard on Him.  We grow in our faith far more this way.

I submit these thoughts for your consideration in the midst of the broo-haha surrounding "that Mormon remark."  With all love and respect.:-)